Therapist to boost confidence

[Anonymous]

Thought I’d post here bc this board may be gentler than the teens board.

DD is a hs freshman. She has ADHD and learning disabilities, which is probably where some of her lack of self-confidence and self-esteem comes from.

She is very cute, athletic and has an outgoing personality so she attracts boys and sometimes, the conversations with them veers into sexual territory. We have talked to her about this and tried to steer her into just being friends, focusing on her girl friends, sports, etc. I know hormones are raging, etc but it really worries me.

She can be manipulative and is seeking attention and I’m not sure how to help her realize what a healthy relationship is.

We tried therapy once, just general. She hated it and I am sure did not open up. The therapist emailed me afterward and I could tell DD had her snowed.

Has anyone faced this? Is there a therapist or practice you’d recommend?

[Anonymous]

OP, is your worry specifically that she is going to be preyed upon by boys?

If she is cute, athletic and outgoing, is there a self esteem problem?

If she doesn't think there's a problem, it would be hard to get her to buy into therapy.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that she will be preyed upon. But also, she seems to be pushing some boys toward discussions they don’t want to have and then gets upset when they don’t want to talk anymore. Or, tries to manipulate them to get attention. She probably doesn’t see it that way; that’s how I see it.

She is immature and isn’t open about this stuff. She talks to me sometimes but mostly, this is me garnering info from periodically checking her phone.

[Anonymous]

It might be a good idea for you to talk to a therapist to get coaching on how to parent her through this behavior. That can be as helpful as having someone talking to her directly.

Maybe you could use a discussion about internet privacy or avoiding sexual assault as a way in to having talk with your daughter. Maybe frame it as "female empowerment" i.e. you deserve to be treated well by boys, etc. rather than telegraphing your fear that she is creating problems with her behavior. It can be a good thing for her dad to talk to her about demanding respect from boys.

I completely understand why you are afraid - it is a scary time to have a daughter that age.

[Anonymous]

I was going to say exactly this- parenting is really hard. There is no shame in working with a therapist yourself on how to manage raising a teenage daughter and all that comes with it. It's hard to know what to say and do during those teenage years. Without my therapist, I'm not sure I would've survived my children getting through middle school let alone high school.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, PPs. If anyone has suggestions on a therapist/counselor who would be good for this, I’d appreciate the recommendation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thought I’d post here bc this board may be gentler than the teens board.

DD is a hs freshman. She has ADHD and learning disabilities, which is probably where some of her lack of self-confidence and self-esteem comes from.

She is very cute, athletic and has an outgoing personality so she attracts boys and sometimes, the conversations with them veers into sexual territory. We have talked to her about this and tried to steer her into just being friends, focusing on her girl friends, sports, etc. I know hormones are raging, etc but it really worries me.

She can be manipulative and is seeking attention and I’m not sure how to help her realize what a healthy relationship is.

We tried therapy once, just general. She hated it and I am sure did not open up. The therapist emailed me afterward and I could tell DD had her snowed.

Has anyone faced this? Is there a therapist or practice you’d recommend?

My kid's confidence improved with a wonderful tutor. does it have to be a therapist?

[Anonymous]

I agree with the suggestions for parent coaching.

If you can afford equine assisted therapy that might be supportive for your daughter and perhaps she would be more open to it?