Judging the heck out of my friend for dating a guy she doesn't really like, and continually picking him over friends.

[Anonymous]

My friend is dating a guy she doesn't even really like...except for the "intimacy" which she claims is mind blowing. She also says he's funny. BUT he doesn't have a job, she pays for everything (she's a single mother), and apparently he is some kind of ADHD anxious hoarder. She doesn't see or want a future with him.

BUT YET...she introduced him to her daughter (of whom she is EXTREMELY protective), her family, and lately she has been bringing him along to our outings...which are typically ladies only (like Sunday wine days). She also has brought him to my house, unexpectedly. I thought she was coming by and they both walked in; I was in pajamas.

I want to be supportive and I don't want my extremely judgemental face to ruin this. She obviously told me in confidence all the reasons she doesn't like him. But yet, now I want to scream into the abyss...LET HIM GO!
How on earth do I remain a good friend while watching her go down this path?

[Anonymous]

You say nothing Ms Friend. Leave her be.
Absolutely nothing you can do or say to change anything w that

[Anonymous]

Oh, I thought we had the same friend until I got to the part about her having a daughter.

My friend group has taken to just slow fading her.

[Anonymous]

Advise her to drop him or get him a job and ADHD meds if she wants to keep him. May be she is lonely and overwhelmed with job, home and parenting and just wants a partner, any partner?

[Anonymous]

SHE's the one with issues, OP. It's going to be difficult to be her friend, because SHE keeps making bad judgements.

Tell her he's going to weigh her down with his issues; and that you don't want her to bring him to your house without warning, because last time you were in your PJs.

[Anonymous]

BTW, "ADHD-hoarder" means ADHD-autism. This isn't something Adderall can cure. The guy is autistic, which in theory is perfectly fine, because lots of people with autism can hold down a job and have relationships... but if he's hoarding and has anxiety and cannot work, then that's not fine.

[Anonymous]

She likes him better than she wants her judgy friends to know.

[Anonymous]

Obviously she does like him. Why can’t you be friends with her bc she’s dating someone you don’t like? I think the only thing your judgy face will ruin is your friendship, but you don’t seem like you like your friend that much anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She likes him better than she wants her judgy friends to know.

this. she either vents to you or is think you wouldn't approve. she is clearly into him. you can discard her claims that she "doesn't really like him".

[Anonymous]

Other than you and the others holding firm that ladies night is not for partners there's not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

Yikes. Is she manic? Introducing your child to a bang buddy you don’t even like is concerning behaviour.

[Anonymous]

I was going to be like, whatever, until you said she has a daughter. That's really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend is dating a guy she doesn't even really like...except for the "intimacy" which she claims is mind blowing. She also says he's funny. BUT he doesn't have a job, she pays for everything (she's a single mother), and apparently he is some kind of ADHD anxious hoarder. She doesn't see or want a future with him.

BUT YET...she introduced him to her daughter (of whom she is EXTREMELY protective), her family, and lately she has been bringing him along to our outings...which are typically ladies only (like Sunday wine days). She also has brought him to my house, unexpectedly. I thought she was coming by and they both walked in; I was in pajamas.

I want to be supportive and I don't want my extremely judgemental face to ruin this. She obviously told me in confidence all the reasons she doesn't like him. But yet, now I want to scream into the abyss...LET HIM GO!
How on earth do I remain a good friend while watching her go down this path?

Why would she pick you over him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Other than you and the others holding firm that ladies night is not for partners there's not much you can do.

+1 you can have boundaries but otherwise it's her life

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing she has low self esteem, which is a prime target for controlling an abusive men. The having her pay for everything? Coming along to ladies only nights? Showing up everywhere with her? These are all red flags. I wouldn't be surprised if he's doing a mix of love bombing and convincing her she can't do any better than him.