DC dating someone who has been in mental institution
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Anonymous
| DC came home from first year at a northeastern college and they have a significant other (been dating since October). through casual conversation reveals that the significant other was committed to a mental institution for an attempt to take their life. This was when the individual was in middle school. DC told me the SO is on medication and it is all under control. Never encountered this type of situation before. Is this a major red flag? Or can people overcome these types of demons from a young age? |
Anonymous
No, this will be a lifelong problem for them. But your kid is only dating them so I'm not sure what you're worried about. |
Anonymous
| Will be a continuing issue they need to control, but is not a reason not to date. |
Anonymous
|
I'm married to someone like this. We also started dating our first year of college. She tried to kill herself in middle school. She wasn't committed then, but she has been in the psych ward/partial hospitalization programs several times since we got married.
It's work, but it's worth it to me. It's something you control and stay vigilant for when it stops being controlled, but you can't necessarily expect to overcome. If my kid brought home someone like my wife, I'd tell them that ultimately I love their mom enough that the work is okay. She brings so much joy into my life that I don't mind. If someone makes you feel that way, go for it, but know what you're doing. |
Anonymous
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It's a lifelong journey. If she's willing to stay on top of the root causes it can be worth it.
More concerned that DC doesn't know not to share personal information about their partner with mom. |
Anonymous
| The Hold Steady wrote a song about this. It’s called Family Farm. https://youtu.be/QDLGG1ZsdNw?si=SO2y0G5NJYUDB_MH |
Anonymous
| Given the threads on here of bad experiences if you marry someone with any mental illness, autism or adhd - there will be be a lot of young people growing up now who will have a hard time finding partners. |
Anonymous
|
It is extremely individualized. Personally, I had psychiatric issues from a very young age, but it was related to a neurological disorder I had. Between getting the neurological disorder under control, getting on psychiatric medication, and being in therapy consistently for decades, I honestly think my mental health is way above average for my peer group. I'm doing well in a uniquely hostile professional environment and am really proud of that. I haven't had any significant symptoms since my early 20s.
In my opinion (not a doctor or a psychologist, FWIW), the main issue is whether the person has insight (i.e. ability to recognize their own symptoms and know when things are bad). Lack of insight makes management the job of the spouse, which is a horrible position to be in. Someone with insight who keeps mental health a top priority has a much better prognosis. |
Anonymous
That’s just stigma on your end. It is pretty normal for young adults to talk to their parents about dating and figuring out life challenges and if the partner had some physical illness or injury related hospitalization in their history - you would be horrified that they told you about the car accident or the CF or the diabetes. |
Anonymous
| We don't use the term Mental Institution anymore. It's called a psychiatric hospital. |
Anonymous
| Likely a lifelong challenge. |
Anonymous
| A “mental institution?” Really? What year are you living in? |
Anonymous
Plenty of people are living completely normal lives with mental illness. They don't tell people like you because clearly you're prejudiced. It is not a "major red flag." But you are! I hope she doesn't marry in to your family. |
Anonymous
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At the moment, I don't think there is anything to worry about. Your kid probably won't marry this person. However, if the relationship does become serious, inquire about the subsequent treatment and the way SO responds to various issues.
DS was hospitalized 3x before he was 10. He's been in a therapeutic school for 8 years. Emotionally, he's ready to leave, but socially this is his school and he doesn't want to leave his friends. I'm now dealing with issue similar to when a kid has to move and change schools. It's really hard when they're in HS. Anyway, after so many years of therapeutic interventions, my kids EQ far exceeds any one else's in the family. He can get right down to the root of an issue and then talk it out with his siblings and us parents. It's unnerving. |
Anonymous
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I’m not trying to downplay this in any way at all and this very well could be something that could be a long issue that could come up. Or not. Is this person 19? My 18 had a complete mental health breakdown right around that time, after we returned to in person school and a lot of intensive therapy. For a while we were considering in patient hospitalization and there were a few crisis evals.
It was a rough time and he’s okay now. We know a couple of other kids that went through similar. Don’t be quick to judge and it’s hard to know if this is someone who shared too much too soon and could have an issue again or if this was a period of time in the past. Either way, they are just dating so don’t worry. Your kid shouldn’t have mentioned this to you yet. |