Neurodivergence + sports

[Anonymous]

Hello!

Context: My 8 year old is undiagnosed but suspected to be on the spectrum somehow. We've suspected PDA profile of autism, and have seen a therapist who recommended official testing. But the process is so expensive and time consuming, it seems like the main benefit at this point is if he needs accommodations and he masks highly at school and does okay so doesn't seem to need it at this point.

Regardless, there are signs and we've adapted our parenting and expectations to support him over time.

Question: He has been doing a sport for a couple years, and this fall joined their competition team. I really think he is trying his best, even if that doesn't always look the same as how other kids push themselves. He seems mostly unaffected by being behind other kids. Only very occasionally he's mentioned feeling discouraged by his slow progress, but always says he still enjoys it and wants to keep doing it. So we've kept him in even when we feel frustrated for him (making sure we don't project that feeling! and staying neutral but encouraging). And I am SO thankful that his coaches are immensely patient and seem to see that he is trying... though I wonder if that understanding may end at some point? I realize the fact he isn't bothered by his progress is a positive trait in many ways, but I also want to see him grow of course. And wondering if there are any tips on how to navigate this with him, and maybe how to talk to his coaches?

I realize this may feel like a non-problem, but curious about how his unique self may be experiencing all this differently, I guess?

So I've been wondering about other parents' experiences with their neurodivergent kids and sports. Anyone have a similar experience?

[Anonymous]

I think if you keep him in casual rec, they will be understanding. After a certain point the competition teams become invitation or tryout based and he won't get picked.

[Anonymous]

So, he is technically on the team that did need an invite. They are a wonderful group that prioritizing team members who will live out their values over pure skill, and I think see his potential.

BUT, I guess that is a whole nother factor - if he has to go "back" to a rec team, how he might feel?

[Anonymous]

Really depends on the sport. Baseball just gets harder. It gets more mental and processing matters.

[Anonymous]

And coaches and other players get intolerant quickly. Like around 10, there is zero tolerance in most completion teams, I’ve found. My kid if 14 and is at times great and at times terrible and it’s been a STRUGGLE.

[Anonymous]

So, travel and competition teams are pointless at 8, and really before 12, because barring the exceptional most kids are pretty mediocre. There is a lot of tolerance. At 11-12, this changes dramatically. What I’ve seen is sometimes kids who made it at 8 hang out and that’s good because they wouldn’t get on later by trying out - it’s a whole different landscape later - but it may also be very hard for those kids. If your kid is sensitive and not that good, it’s time to go back to rec then.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think he’s behind? Is he not particularly fast/strong coordinated or does he just not pick up skills quickly? Because I think you could help the latter with private lessons and practice. If you had told me even 5 years ago I’d be setting up private lessons for my kid I would have laughed in your face. But if they are motivated hard work can help out with some of the disparity and kids need help with different things. It’s been a journey but kid, who has many things come naturally to them, needs some extra help to keep up with peers athletically. We never push it but it sucks to be behind, and my DC loves their sport so they are happy with this.

[Anonymous]

Why not just get him some one-on-one coaching and see if that helps?

[Anonymous]

I think what you are doing is great! There are a couple reasons I would not do anything additional:
1) Sports are optional. If he fails at this, so what? There are so many thing you are going to be on his case about as an SN child through middle and high school that I think you can safely let him muddle through this one - be his cheerleader, but don't intervene.
2) Sports (as well as most kid activities run by volunteers) are not set up to provide accomodations. If your kid needs accommodations or different treatment, you will need to volunteer to be your kids 1:1 aide. And it really doesn't sound like he needs that at this point.

[Anonymous]

There are tons of autistic athletes. Its a non issue.
You should look at his nutritional status. Some studies indicate that autistic people have nutrient deficiencies, especially folate, iron. Etc.
Rather than pay for the autism evaluation I would at least get a FRAT test (see fratnow.com) and do a gene swab for methylation issues (any mail away methylation kit will do). Also be sure to ask the pediatrician for an iron panel plus b12 and mma and homocysteine test at minimum.