Can we talk about the kids who struggled their freshman year?

[Anonymous]

My DD has had a run of terrible luck in her 1st semester at college (super sick, injuries etc) that led her to need to withdraw from 1 class to protect her GPA on the advice of her advisor. We feel she is on a good track to recover next semester.

But she’s really down on herself. She says all of the examples I’ve shared of people who had a hard time and recovered (dad, grandfather, multiple cousins) are all from the olden days. And I just don’t understand how ruined everything is for her now.

We recognize this is the anxiety talking. And she’ll be checking in with her therapist while she’s home.

DD specifically called out DCUM (as that mom site) and said that other kids don’t have these same issues because they don’t talk about it there.

So can other’s share stories of their kids who struggled and recovered? It might help us all to recognize how things can get bad and turn out alright in the end.

[Anonymous]

My son is struggling now, he has stopped eating, started self harming and is talking like he's lost the plot. He will be home today for the holidays and we hope to find him some help while he is here. This is his 1st year and academically he is going extremely well, but he has pushed himself too hard / had a flu / and has gone into a crisis. This is new for him / us.

I understand from being in a facebook group with parents from the same place that this is not uncommon. Some talk about CBT their kids are undergoing etc.

I suspect people don't talk about it on the college forum because it is largely a health / mental health subject and the forum does not have a history of support and kindness, rather of sniping and nastiness.

[Anonymous]

My DC had a horrible first year and thought all was ruined. 10 years later could not be more successful. The biggest myth about college is it's best four years of your life. For many, nothing could be further from the truth. Hang in there. Everyone has a rough patch at a minimum

[Anonymous]

My DC did poorly 1st semester, went back on probation and did even worse. He now has a regular job where he works 5 days a week, lives ant home, and is doing ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC did poorly 1st semester, went back on probation and did even worse. He now has a regular job where he works 5 days a week, lives ant home, and is doing ok.

That was me. For 5 years. I did finally go back to school and graduated magna cum laude once I got my sh!t together.

It’s ok to struggle and follow a circuitous path.

[Anonymous]

There are so many successful people who have struggled. Tons of biographies out there that reflect many different paths to success, with bumps along the way. I was just listening to Ted Danson’s podcast where he was interviewing Bill Hader - he was very open about his anxiety, and the fact that he was “not good at school.” But there are tons of stories.

But I’m sure dcum will deliver too.

[Anonymous]

My niece went from being a 4.0 UW salutorian to a depressed freshman failing all of her classes. She took the spring semester off and worked until the fall when she resumed school. Still graduated (just a year later) with her intended major of Neuroscience and another major in East Asian Studies. She studied abroad, did research and managed to have a 3.0+ cumulative GPA.

[Anonymous]

Do you follow any of the parent Facebook groups for your university? Her experience is not uncommon. Sometimes it’s due to illness, sometimes it’s due to the social adjustment, and sometimes the classes are just really hard — especially for STEM. There are plenty of parents of upperclassmen in those groups who share stories about their once struggling students who are now thriving. It may take a change of major, a semester off, or some counseling, but most students land on their feet.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was hospitalized in the spring of her sophomore year. She took a semester off, did volunteer work, interned at a law firm, traveled with friends, and went back to school. With the help of medication, doctor and therapists, and the support of her school, she finished the past semester successfully with four A’s and one incomplete, which she plans to catch up during the break. It’s not all easy, especially when she forgot her medication during the Fall break and had some complications, but she pulled through with determination. She is on track to graduate at the same time as her classmates and she is looking at law school after graduation.

[Anonymous]

The key is for the student to have a support system - both parents at hone and also on campus.

For students from religious families, engaging with campus ministry (Hillel, Wesley Foundation, or whichever else applies to tour faith) can be a good source for local support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was hospitalized in the spring of her sophomore year. She took a semester off, did volunteer work, interned at a law firm, traveled with friends, and went back to school. With the help of medication, doctor and therapists, and the support of her school, she finished the past semester successfully with four A’s and one incomplete, which she plans to catch up during the break. It’s not all easy, especially when she forgot her medication during the Fall break and had some complications, but she pulled through with determination. She is on track to graduate at the same time as her classmates and she is looking at law school after graduation.

Can you explain how she travelled with friends if they were all in college? Or was that only over the Summer?

[Anonymous]

She travelled with friends during the spring break and over the summer.

[Anonymous]

A dear family friend was an excellent high school student and got into a very good college. The wheels came off the bus freshman year with multiple illnesses and then overwhelming anxiety. She withdrew, took a year off, and restarted at a new school. She’s doing great. Happy, successful, will graduate one year later than intended, but who cares?

My daughter is a freshman and has adjusted to college beautifully…but the academics were a struggle. We are biting our nails to see if she passes one of her classes. If she fails…she’s learned something about herself and she’ll do better next time.

Both my husband and I failed classes in college. It didn’t stop us, though in my case it made the decision for me that I was not going to med school. I may have been richer if I had been a doctor, but I wouldn’t have been happier.

[Anonymous]

What did you expect? They’ve been under pressure their whole lives so it shouldn’t surprise you that they feel stressed, lost, etc. People on these forums think that kids who don’t run around the hamster wheel of AP courses galore, a million arcs, etc are losers.

My kid did one EC in HS (met maybe once a month), had a summer job, took two APs and got in everywhere he applied (and got great merit aid everywhere). He wasn’t stressed out and neither were his friends. He loves college and got a PT job because he had so much free time. His gpa is maybe 3.2 or somewhere there bouts. A few summer internships interviews under his belt. Nothing fancy but he expects one offer by January.

[Anonymous]

My DC got sick first semester freshman year and failed 3 classes (probably not solely due to the illness but it didn’t help). The school allows them to retake classes and the original grade doesn’t count toward the GPA - has been retaking the three classes and now has a 3.2 GPA and on track to graduate on time.