Girls with summer bday

[Anonymous]

For your girls with summer Birthdays. Like June, July. Are you pressing ahead with sending them to Kindergarten as the youngest in the grade or are you holding for the following year? I know it's common for boys to wait but I am seeing so many older girls in these classes now, that I am wondering if I should hold my daughter. Her birthday is June and there are girls in her Kindergarten class a year older than her.
Any thoughts or perspectives on how this plays out later in elementary school?

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid.

Girls need to fit in. It is their biggest social need in K-12 and it becomes more and more critical as they age. It is also better for girls, socially, to be on the late end of the spectrum for physical development than the early end. Whatever benefit your girl gains from being taller/bigger than other girls in school will go away if/when she is the first to go through puberty because you don't want to be the first to go through puberty. You also don't want to be the very last, but it's better to be the last than the first. Ideally you want to be in the middle.

So I would only hold back if she was very physically immature and holding back might get her more in the middle of the pack. If she was physically more developed, I definitely wouldn't hold back. And even if she was physically immature, I probably still wouldn't hold her back if she was also academically advanced, because if you take a kid who is already ahead of peers academically and then old them back a year, you create an academic outlier whose advanced skills will always be blamed on the redshirting and that's an awkward position to be in. I'd just let her be the small but smart kid because that's its own kind of middle ground.

This is also the thinking I'd use for boys, but I know a lot of people like the idea of redshirting a boy specifically to make him an outlier on the taller/bigger/academically advanced front. But I think girls get punished more for being outliers so I'd be very, very cautious about doing that for a girl. Most girls just want to be in the middle of the pack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid.

Girls need to fit in. It is their biggest social need in K-12 and it becomes more and more critical as they age. It is also better for girls, socially, to be on the late end of the spectrum for physical development than the early end. Whatever benefit your girl gains from being taller/bigger than other girls in school will go away if/when she is the first to go through puberty because you don't want to be the first to go through puberty. You also don't want to be the very last, but it's better to be the last than the first. Ideally you want to be in the middle.

So I would only hold back if she was very physically immature and holding back might get her more in the middle of the pack. If she was physically more developed, I definitely wouldn't hold back. And even if she was physically immature, I probably still wouldn't hold her back if she was also academically advanced, because if you take a kid who is already ahead of peers academically and then old them back a year, you create an academic outlier whose advanced skills will always be blamed on the redshirting and that's an awkward position to be in. I'd just let her be the small but smart kid because that's its own kind of middle ground.

This is also the thinking I'd use for boys, but I know a lot of people like the idea of redshirting a boy specifically to make him an outlier on the taller/bigger/academically advanced front. But I think girls get punished more for being outliers so I'd be very, very cautious about doing that for a girl. Most girls just want to be in the middle of the pack.

I agree that it's an individual decision, but you can't tell at age 4 when a girl will go through puberty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This very thoughtful. Thank you.

Family history might give a hint on whether the girl will develop on the earlier side or not.

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid.

Girls need to fit in. It is their biggest social need in K-12 and it becomes more and more critical as they age. It is also better for girls, socially, to be on the late end of the spectrum for physical development than the early end. Whatever benefit your girl gains from being taller/bigger than other girls in school will go away if/when she is the first to go through puberty because you don't want to be the first to go through puberty. You also don't want to be the very last, but it's better to be the last than the first. Ideally you want to be in the middle.

So I would only hold back if she was very physically immature and holding back might get her more in the middle of the pack. If she was physically more developed, I definitely wouldn't hold back. And even if she was physically immature, I probably still wouldn't hold her back if she was also academically advanced, because if you take a kid who is already ahead of peers academically and then old them back a year, you create an academic outlier whose advanced skills will always be blamed on the redshirting and that's an awkward position to be in. I'd just let her be the small but smart kid because that's its own kind of middle ground.

This is also the thinking I'd use for boys, but I know a lot of people like the idea of redshirting a boy specifically to make him an outlier on the taller/bigger/academically advanced front. But I think girls get punished more for being outliers so I'd be very, very cautious about doing that for a girl. Most girls just want to be in the middle of the pack.

I agree that it's an individual decision, but you can't tell at age 4 when a girl will go through puberty.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am talking about a 5 year old. So I have no clue when her puberty will come. I know she hasn't lost teeth yet and the 6 year old girls in her class have. She's not behind academically and with the ciricuclum she is right where she is supposed to be according to her teachers. She is just so much younger than some of these kids it gives me pause

[Anonymous]

I sent my late August birthday girl on time. She is one of the youngest in her class, and is developing late on top of being young, but she’s an 8th grader now and finally hitting her growth spurt so she’s catching up.

I will say that she does have a late September birthday friend who made the cut-off by a couple of days who is pretty immature and honestly would probably have benefited by waiting the extra year, so she’d have started K at 5 turning 6 instead of 4 turning 5. I can see looking closely at a kid that close to the cutoff. I don’t think I’d feel the same way about a June or July bday though.

[Anonymous]

I would not wait for either boys or girls unless there was an actual reason to.

[Anonymous]

I wish people would stop this nonsense of holding kids who are old enough for school unless there is a significant academic reason to do it. My kid graduated from HS with kids who were 16 months older than he was. These kids really should have been in the grade ahead. It wasn't a problem in HS but it was an issue in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Agree with what Pp said. It's very child dependent. My June daughter was sent on time and she's doing great as one of the younger girls. However, she's also only in 1st grade right now. I planned to send her late for 2 main reasons, 1. She has an older brother (another June birthday) who is one of the oldest and doing amazing. 2. I am a summer birthday who was one of the youngest girls and it was very difficult socially so I am probably more hyper aware of the social ramifications of being younger, smaller, later. So for all of that I immediately wanted to hold her. However, chose not to because she did not have any of the concerns I had for her brother in being ready for school. Throughout her PK and K years, I did regularly ask for insight from her teachers based on what they saw in the class because I would've had her repeat at either of those points. None had concerns so she's moved forward.

And for what it's worth, like you mentioned, it's more common for boys. The vast majority of summer girls in my daughter's grade were sent on time, with maybe a handful of girls sent later. Right now, I'm very glad I sent her. Compared to my son, who is also not the oldest in the grade, it's the opposite for the boys, more summer boys held and also, very glad I held him.

Tldr, be honest about her abilities and make the decision based on her only. Don't base it on what others are doing or trends. I think it all levels out in the end.

[Anonymous]

If there is no developmental concern, send the child to school.

[Anonymous]

Mie held my DD back for social reasons. She was born 3 days before cut off. She has always been the oldest girl in her class except for a girl that ended up repeating 2nd grade. Plenty of girls with June birthdays that went in time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish people would stop this nonsense of holding kids who are old enough for school unless there is a significant academic reason to do it. My kid graduated from HS with kids who were 16 months older than he was. These kids really should have been in the grade ahead. It wasn't a problem in HS but it was an issue in elementary school.

Seriously? You do you. Let others do what they think is best for them.

[Anonymous]

I would send a June/July girl on time. Not an August/September girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send a June/July girl on time. Not an August/September girl.

+1. I know it's hard to see it this far out, OP, but... beyond the puberty issue already discussed is having the 18 YO at home for senior year of high school. That is not a good thing. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of students will have June, July, and August birthdays. I’ve seen that girls are fine socially, emotionally, and academically when they start “on time”. I wouldn’t hold a girl back as I actually find that the older/ fall birthday girls tend to be the mean girls. My own daughter (middle school) has a September birthday and despite her being a late bloomer and less interested in tween trends, she is at the top of her class, mature, and friendly. Some of her classmates with summer birthdays are early bloomers and desperate to seem “cool,” but all of this things can be personality more than birthday-related.