Coping emotionally

[Anonymous]

I have three kids. My eldest was recently diagnosed with autism - level 1 and “subtle” enough that it wasn’t diagnosed until elementary school. My middle is NT and I think my toddler is now showing signs of being on the spectrum as well.

I know I chose to have three kids and in that sense, this is my fault. That said, I’m having trouble coping with the uncertainty and stress of now having multiple kids on the spectrum and not knowing what will emerge with my toddler (how severe it will be etc.)

If you have multiple children on the spectrum, how did you cope with your grief? How did you handle your stress? And do you have tips on how to make life as good as possible for the middle child given the circumstances?

Also, what type of early intervention was most critical for toddlers diagnosed at an early age?

Please be kind and helpful with your responses. I am struggling. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

It’s really hard, OP. I take things one day at a time. I try to always keep in mind what I have control over and what I don’t. It’s a process.

[Anonymous]

I waited far too long to do this, but get a therapist for yourself. This is hard stuff and you need objective support.

[Anonymous]

My only DC has "subtle autism". I don't really have grief about it. Certainly, it can be challenging from a parenting perspective, but we take it one step at a time.

For toddler supports you could look at a pediatric OT that has experience with autism who can work on play skills and social skills.

[Anonymous]

I have twins with one diagnosed back in the day with PDD-NOS. He is now in college and doing well with As/Bs in an "easier" major. He is a rule follower and will likely find employment but not earn a lot of money. We expect that he will need to find a living situation with roommates to afford rent in this area. Luckily, college is helping him prepare to live with all sorts of different personalities. He has never dated, and I doubt he will ever have a relationship. That makes me very sad, but I'm not sure it will make him sad (initially, at least).

We did extensive PT, OT, and ST when he was a kid... from age 3 to age 10. He was in the non-cat Child Find preschool through FCPS. We also put him in a typical afternoon (church) preschool with a shadow. We felt that mix was very beneficial, and he was mainstreamed and took a mix of regular and Honors courses (plus a few APs). We also put him in lots and lots amd lots of sports. That helped him be able to fit in better with the other boys.

My grief and stress ebbs and flows. Have date nights and hobbies to help take your mind off of things.

[Anonymous]

The grief is profound because it is new, but it will fade and your children will be who your children will be. It will be okay. A therapist helps.

[Anonymous]

Get early intervention for your toddler through your pediatrician. Get started with play therapy, OT, Speech - and check out Documenting Hope website. Initially, it can be overwhelming, but it will get more manageable.