Feeling your kids emotions

[Anonymous]

I am going to get roasted for this one, but how do you not feel everything that your children feel? Example - my DD met a guy (16) and they have been texting but now he’s ghosting her and I find myself way too invested. I’m like looking at her phone more than she is. I just don’t want her to get hurt. I don’t know how to not get invested.

[Anonymous]

I m the same way

[Anonymous]

Not going to roast you ... and no advice, but I am with you. Not a boy situation here, but some school drama. It is so difficult not to take on their hurt. (Or potential hurt.)

[Anonymous]

Nearly every mother I know has this issue and no fathers do.

It’s awful and I would love not to have this issue.

[Anonymous]

I see it all happening and it's so painful. I want to whisk her away. DD is almost 13. Who said it's like allowing your heart to walk around outside your chest? So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nearly every mother I know has this issue and no fathers do.

It’s awful and I would love not to have this issue.

I have no idea how universal this is, but as a dad this problem has always seemed really strange to me. Other people's feelings are their own, not mine. I'm very happy to hear about my kid's feelings and try to help her through them, but I don't also feel them. I'm an attorney and I see my role kind of similarly. I shouldn't feel what my client is feeling. I can best help them by offering guidance from outside their feelings.

[Anonymous]

That"s codependency.

[Anonymous]

I have these feelings over her feelings over sport success and failure.

[Anonymous]

I've been there and it really is hard. I was so invested and really made things worse when it didn't work out. The next time, I forced myself to not care, ask, etc. To still be available but more as an adult vs the teenage friend I had been acting like before. Thing were 100% better for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been there and it really is hard. I was so invested and really made things worse when it didn't work out. The next time, I forced myself to not care, ask, etc. To still be available but more as an adult vs the teenage friend I had been acting like before. Thing were 100% better for both of us.

This is what you have to do. Force yourself not to get in the details. It’s not healthy to know everything and live it with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nearly every mother I know has this issue and no fathers do.

It’s awful and I would love not to have this issue.

I have no idea how universal this is, but as a dad this problem has always seemed really strange to me. Other people's feelings are their own, not mine. I'm very happy to hear about my kid's feelings and try to help her through them, but I don't also feel them. I'm an attorney and I see my role kind of similarly. I shouldn't feel what my client is feeling. I can best help them by offering guidance from outside their feelings.

I’m a woman. Most of us have zero issues doing this at work, friends, spouse. I feel no one else’s feelings in the least. For me it is hardest with my oldest who is a very gentle personality.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am the same - I am trying to work very hard not to get too invested and not to ask too many questions. It's hard. I wish I had an easy solution but I don't. I think it's just the way some of us are and we have to work to separate ourselves a little more.

[Anonymous]

Uh I am not enmeshed and know that there is a big picture. Kids will break other kids hearts and get their own hearts broken. It's all part of life.

[Anonymous]

Op I can fully relate. I think this is largely a female thing because DH doesn’t experience this in the least. It’s not that I’m over involved, actually from the outside most people would describe me as pretty laid back, but my DCs setbacks and struggles absolutely crush me. I also have a thing where I have a strong need to make sure they are fed. They are teenagers so I recognize that sounds ridiculous but it’s true.

[Anonymous]

As mothers, we were the ones who promoted our children to share ALL their feelings with us. Every thought in their head doesn’t need to be shared. A 15/16 year old is bound to have boyfriend troubles—that’s life.