Can a parent request that I not contact other parent on their days?

[Anonymous]

I have already have messaged admin but looking for advice with this very complicated situation.

Mom and dad cannot have any contact but through a court monitored parenting app. The custody situation is very ugly. Custody is 50/50. Dad has educational rights. It says in the system that I should always communicate with both parents separately.

Temps this week have been 20-30degrees here and we do got outside. Child has not had a coat and has been crying at recess so I got him one out of the lost and found. I have seen him wear a coat before so I know he has one. I sent a really nice email to both parents saying that I know sometimes kids don’t want to wear coats or think they don’t need one in the morning but he has been cold at recess and it would be great if they could start sending one.

Mom is livid and wants me to not contact dad when it is her days with him. (I do not have any legal documents regarding the custody schedule other than it is 50/50.)Dad has requested that I always email both of them. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Notify both at all times. You’re not subject to any court order yourself. The mom can go screw herself.

[Anonymous]

Ignore the fact that she got nasty. It sounds like you're a teacher, and you notified the parents who bring the kid to school without a coat. You did the right thing. Until you're told differently, keep going.

She's probably upset that her ex found out she sent the kid without a coat and worried he will use that as a reason she's an unfit parent. This is not your issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notify both at all times. You’re not subject to any court order yourself. The mom can go screw herself.

Teachers need to get clearly documented instructions (email is sufficient) from their principal on how to handle, and then follow those. If they do anything else, their principal or other management might not protect the teacher from the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore the fact that she got nasty. It sounds like you're a teacher, and you notified the parents who bring the kid to school without a coat. You did the right thing. Until you're told differently, keep going.

She's probably upset that her ex found out she sent the kid without a coat and worried he will use that as a reason she's an unfit parent. This is not your issue.

Agree with the bolded. That was my first assumption for the nastiness.

I would absolutely defer to admin on this. Ask them to provide you instructions in writing (email) and communicate those instructions to all teachers and the parents. Then you follow it to the letter. You don't want to get in the middle of this and you don't want to be left out to dry by your administration.

[Anonymous]

This seems like a school counselor or social worker could communicate about a missing coat. No need for a teacher to do it. This is a non-academic concern, and you can dodge some of the vitriol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notify both at all times. You’re not subject to any court order yourself. The mom can go screw herself.

Teachers need to get clearly documented instructions (email is sufficient) from their principal on how to handle, and then follow those. If they do anything else, their principal or other management might not protect the teacher from the parents.

What a waste of time. Let the parents keep their problems to themselves, the teacher’s responsibility is to the kid. If mom doesn’t want dad to know she sends him without a coat then maybe she will do better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notify both at all times. You’re not subject to any court order yourself. The mom can go screw herself.

Yeah, I think I know why she is divorced. The dad seems reasonable.

She is probably mad because she didn’t send him with the coat. Is she neglectful in other ways? Sounds like Dad is more on the ball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Notify both at all times. You’re not subject to any court order yourself. The mom can go screw herself.

Yeah, I think I know why she is divorced. The dad seems reasonable.

She is probably mad because she didn’t send him with the coat. Is she neglectful in other ways? Sounds like Dad is more on the ball.

Yes, she is neglectful. The reason dad has education rights is because she never brought him to school last year.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a BCC line in your email system? That way the email goes to both, but they can only see themselves as the recipient. You address the email to "Dear Parent" to avoid letting them know you're speaking to both. That way the father is in the loop, which is important because child neglect by his wife needs to be properly documented, but the mother has no way to verify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a BCC line in your email system? That way the email goes to both, but they can only see themselves as the recipient. You address the email to "Dear Parent" to avoid letting them know you're speaking to both. That way the father is in the loop, which is important because child neglect by his wife needs to be properly documented, but the mother has no way to verify.

I did BCC, dad asked mom about it on their parenting app is how she found out I sent it to both.

[Anonymous]

How are you expected to know which days are hers? How many kids are in your class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you expected to know which days are hers? How many kids are in your class?

23

[Anonymous]

You notify your principal and ask him/her how to handle, of course!

[Anonymous]

Agree you ask your principal and social worker or counselor how to handle and follow their instructions. Use email to do this so everything is documented. Always copy all parties, including both parents and your SW and principal.