Grieving during the holidays
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Anonymous
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Lost my beloved sibling a few months ago. That's the end of my nuclear family.
Wondering if anyone else is dealing with the loss of a loved one and how you are coping during the holidays. This one is hitting me hard even though I've been through the loss of parents, relatives and friends. Somehow losing my sibling is different in so many ways. Maybe it's because there isn't another person in the world who I can say, "Remember when we did such-and-such as kids?!" Anyway, hugs to those of you in a similar situation. |
Anonymous
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I am sorry for your loss. My mother lost her father at Christmas time and she couldn’t help being sad during the holidays. Time helps but you can’t help missing your loved one. Again, I’m so sorry OP, and hope you can feel strength and comfort while dealing with your loss.
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Anonymous
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One thing we do is find some little way to remember the person who passed. My dad had a favorite candy from a very specific shop. Every year we buy it and eat a piece, even though I'm pretty sure DS is the only one who likes it. We always take one out of the box "for my dad".
My sister absolutely loved National Lampoon's Christmas vacation. We watch it every Christmas Eve together. Inevitably it leads to funny stories about my childhood. It's a nice way to keep those memories alive. And finally, just let yourself grieve. It's ok if this holiday is low key and you're not as into it as you normally are. Don't feel guilty. Be open with your family and friends that you're struggling. |
Anonymous
Same, PP! My dad LOVED that movie. I think he identified with the Christmas light scene where Clark plugs in the house lights for his elaborate rooftop display and nothing happens 😆 He passed away in 2023; DH and I watch that movie every December and remember how he used to howl with laughter at the Griswold light display. |
Anonymous
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Thank you all so very much for your kind and insightful responses.
Yes, my brother and I would do similar things at the holidays - having little traditions, talking about our parents and laughing & enjoying good memories that only the two of us remembered. Now I don't have that anymore. I used to be a daughter and sister. Now I am neither of those things. It's just so hard to know that part of my life (being a sibling) is over forever other than in my heart and mind. My DH is supportive and I am so grateful for that. |
Anonymous
| This is going to be my husband's first Christmas without his mom. When his Dad died we were focusing on taking care of his mom that Christmas, but this year there's not that distraction. I wish I knew the best way to help him. We have young kids (he sadly lost both parents in their 60s) and I guess he can focus on them. I know he's going to be missing her a lot, she absolutely loved Christmas. |
Anonymous
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Keep sharing your memories with DH and online with us. You will find more connections than you know. I'm so sorry you are missing brother at this time... you will be his sister forever.
Gosh this hit me in the feels OP. Do you have any memories you'd like to share or things to do to remember him? |
Anonymous
Thank you so much for reminding me I will be his sister forever, and for asking this question. Yes, one of the things he did was feed the birds and squirrels in his yard. He loved animals. He bought large bags of seed/food and when he died, I brought home his stash and feed it to the birds/squirrels in our yard. I feel he is with me and approves. |
Anonymous
You should plan a bird/squirrel Christmas extravaganza! Make little seed cakes you can put in the trees. Get a seed wreath or some kind of seed Christmas tree! Spell his name in seeds in the yard. I’m sure someone on the internet has great ideas. I like having something meaningful I can pour myself into at times like that. |
Anonymous
| I am very sorry. This will be my 24th year without my sibling. I still think of him everyday, and it's hard to talk about him without tearing up. I don't ugly cry everyday anymore though, so in that regard it gets better. I still miss him terribly, but the pain of the initial few years is much, much less pronounced. Go easy on yourself. It doesn't sound like it's a joyous time for you and that's ok. Don't let anyone rush you. |
Anonymous
| FWIW OP, you will always be their daughter and sister. It's not erased. I am a talker, so I like to share memories. My kids feel like they know their uncle even though he died a decade before they were born. I know he would be their biggest fan if he was here. Keep his memory alive. Do the things you two loved and smile through the tears. |
Anonymous
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My eldest brother - with whom I had my closest sibling relationship - died unexpectedly of complications from pneumonia in hospital Friday night. He was only 65 - but I can’t pretend it’s a total shock because he had vices that took a real toll on his body. Still having a hard time wrapping my head around his ending and the holidays are thus even more a struggle than usual because I’ve now lost far more people than I have left (of the people I loved and trusted most in life) and I am only 55 myself.
The way I feel about these holidays for the last decade or more is that it’s just a time to endure and white knuckle until the new year and the returning of the light. |
Anonymous
| The anniversary of my dad's death is this week, the anniversary of my mom's death is coming up soon. The holidays have been a difficult time for me since they both passed. The last couple of years, I've thrown money at the problem and we've gone on wonderful trips etc. but this year, my husband was laid off so that's not an option. I'm struggling but trying my hardest to stay positive for my kids and eke out some sort of inexpensive holiday magic. Hugs to you, OP, I think this time of year is hard for a lot of people. |
Anonymous
I am close to my aunt and this is her situation. She is my mom’s younger sibling and she lost both of her parents and both of her siblings before she was 60. I am the oldest grandchild on that side and I can tell she loves hearing the things I remember about people she knew and loved. It does seem like a sad thing at times and I am thankful she has a loving spouse and children/grandchildren, as well as nieces and nephews. It makes me sad that I’m only 45 and my mom is gone, my dad is disinterested in being a family participant and my only sibling lives several states away and we aren’t super close. I sometimes miss the family of my childhood. We spend a lot of time with DH’s family, but they are more formal and not as warm. |
Anonymous
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Lost my mom this year. The pain has been sneaky. It’s been bad lately and I think will get worse before the end of the year.
But, I am grateful for the pain, it reminds me of how much I loved her. |