Venting about party conflict

[Anonymous]

I have three kids. My youngest is about to turn 3, and we were planning her first "real" birthday party, with her little friends from preschool invited, for her birthday - which happens to be on a Saturday. The party is in a few weeks, and I was ready to send out the invitations for that Saturday morning today. Last night we got an evite from the "class parent" - announcing a "class get-together" on that same morning. Seriously? The actual class parent can't even glance at the list of birthdays? There are only 15 kids in the class.

So now I am scrambling to plan something else. I could do something that afternoon, but several of her friends still nap, plus our family had other plans that we would have to cancel. We could do something on a week day instead, but then her older siblings would miss the party. We could do two parties. But really... two parties??

I know - I just have to deal with it. But I am pissed. And stressed, as this comes at a terrible time. My dad fell on Saturday and is in the hospital, where I have been sleeping. I have only one sibling in the area, and she is living at my parents' apartment, since my mom is in hospice care. And now the one thing that I had managed to get done for my kids is totally f**ked up.

This sucks.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I know you are super stressed, but take a deep breath and call the class parent and ask if the event can be rescheduled due to a conflict with the party. Explain that your dad is in the hospital, etc and that you hadn't sent out the invites yet but that it is the actual weekend of DC's bday. I would imagine that unless there is a strong tie to the day for the class event, (like a pumpkin carving that can't be moved until after Halloween for practical reasons) that it can be shifted. Good luck, both with the party and with everything else. Good wishes to your dad.

[Anonymous]

PP here, hit enter too soon - Wishing peace to your mom and strength to you and your sister.

Hugs to you OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, sorry to hear you're going through this. I think 8:25 has very good advice. Just remember that the party conflict isn't really that big of a deal in the midst of all the other serious things you're going through. Hope things work out.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Sounds like you are crazy busy, and I'm sure the little one gets slighted a lot because thats how 3rd kids work. I would have the party the following weekend if possible, or do something in the late afternoon during the week so all can attend.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you ask the class parent if you can combine the two? It's the same group, right? This is not something to get flustered by. Your child will be thrilled to celebrate with friends. Don't let YOUR visions of the perfect party cloud an opportunity to keep things simple for you and your family while still celebrating your child's important day. And don't jump all over the class parent - I probably would not have thought to look at a class birthday schedule either. Bring some cupcakes, balloons, party hats, and enjoy!

If that doesn't work for you, schedule it for another weekend - I wouldn't do 2 parties in one day for preschoolers. Your child will follow your lead, so whatever you decide to do, be positive about it, and get over your disappointment. This is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

I think you are over reacting, and that's what you get for being later than the other parent.

That said, why don't you ask the other parent if she would mind if you also had the birthday party as part of the class get together (no gifts, please). Bring a cake and some hats and balloons and your child will be happy. Have a cookout or something for other friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Hi, OP. Sorry about your dad. I think you're actually upset about your dad (understandably) and you're probably very tired from sleeping in the hospital and the stress, and you're instead focusing your anger on the party/class event situation because it's easier to be mad at that then at your dad's situation. Why not just send the invites out for a different weekend one or two weeks later? It doesn't have to be on your child's actual birthday. And by then, hopefully, things will have calmed down with your dad's situation.

[Anonymous]

OP - sorry to hear about your Dad. Honestly, I would just call off the party. You sound like you've got your hands full and your DC won't remember a third birthday party anyways.

FWIW, I am planning a pretty big party for my oldest now - he is turning 5 yo. He also got a smaller party last year. No party for 3 yo (family only). He didn't know the difference at that age. My middle child is turning 3 yo in Nov. and I thought about giving him a party, but then just decided that the timing wasn't going to work out. He just started preschool and barely knows most of those friends anyways. We will probably invite a couple of his very close friends for pizza the weekend after his birthday, but nothing big.

Others have mentioned other options, but my vote is to just use this as an excuse to cancel the thing.

[Anonymous]

Breathe. It should not be such a big deal. Move your date or combine with the class get together... problem solved.

It's not the end of the world if the party is not on the exact closest weekend to the actual birthday of the child.

[Anonymous]

What about the next day (Sunday)? Could you have the party then?
Also, I don't see anything wrong with having a party for the classmates and then a separate "family party" for siblings. Not the most ideal situation, but DC is 3, so it's workable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are over reacting, and that's what you get for being later than the other parent.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

I don't fault the class parent. I wouldn't think to check the list of birthdays either. Why would she assume that each child is having a party ON his/her birthday? Some kids don't have parties at all, some are scheduled weeks before or after the actual birthday, etc.

I think you should just talk to the class parent and work something out, which I'm sure you can. If the whole class is invited to your party, I don't see why that can't take the place of the class get-together.

[Anonymous]

I don't see why asking the class parent if it is possible to reschedule is not the obvious solution. Combining them may step on her toes if she is an event planner type and it's not fair to the kiddo to use that as a no gifts reason. Her reasons for having the event that day are probably not nearly as significant as it being your kiddo's bday, and it never hurts to ask. I'd go to trying to combine as a plan B.

The people who are slamming OP for failing to send out party invites more than a few weeks ahead should be ashamed. That you do so knowing that her mom is in hospice and her dad is in the hospital is gratuitously cruel.

Best to you and your family OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are over reacting, and that's what you get for being later than the other parent.

That said, why don't you ask the other parent if she would mind if you also had the birthday party as part of the class get together (no gifts, please). Bring a cake and some hats and balloons and your child will be happy. Have a cookout or something for other friends and family.

Agree. Also, he is three years old and the party is more for you than for him. Believe me, I've three birthday parties for my three and they don't remember, even when I show them photographs. Chill out. It will work out. Best for your parents and sister.