vent about other parents

[Anonymous]

Dear parents of non SN kids,

Please know that we are very well aware of some of the challenging behaviors that our kids engage in. Many of us are working really hard and throwing the kitchen sink at it.

What I want to know is what YOU all are doing to not raise a$$6le kids? Are you teaching them about the world, or is it all you care about is grades, sports, and test scores? Are you teaching them that if a SN kids has accomodations that they are somehow getting a leg up?

Yes, this is an anonymous vent, but I am very tired of parents who don't see that they are also guilty of creating biases.

[Anonymous]

I have a special needs kids too so I get the need for an anonymous vent, op.

I do also wonder if you are creating a false dichotomy-like because someone’s kids don’t have or haven’t been diagnosed with special needs they can be readily molded into being consistently kind and mature.

Yes, some parents are jerks not worried about raising here but plenty of parents are kind and working hard on kindness but are raising kids with difficult temperaments, upheaval at home that makes them act out, milder and not diagnosed anxiety or mood issues, etc etc etc.

not saying that to say you shouldn’t vent but I find it’s easier if I think of other non special needs kids parents as also working hard on a tough job.

[Anonymous]

What is the situation?

The other kid might not be an a$$hole, the other kid might have their own challenges. If your child has behavior you are working hard to address but it still happens, you can assume other parents have the same issue.

I'm sorry you and your kid are having a tough time, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a special needs kids too so I get the need for an anonymous vent, op.

I do also wonder if you are creating a false dichotomy-like because someone’s kids don’t have or haven’t been diagnosed with special needs they can be readily molded into being consistently kind and mature.

Yes, some parents are jerks not worried about raising here but plenty of parents are kind and working hard on kindness but are raising kids with difficult temperaments, upheaval at home that makes them act out, milder and not diagnosed anxiety or mood issues, etc etc etc.

not saying that to say you shouldn’t vent but I find it’s easier if I think of other non special needs kids parents as also working hard on a tough job.

This. My kid who is on the spectrum has said unkind things to us about one of her friends who has a physical disability. We always address this when it comes up and reiterate to our child that it is not okay to criticize someone for a physical disability over which they have no control. I fervently hope my child never says anything like this in front of the other child. But I also hope that if they do, the other family understands we are doing whatever we can. My kid can be a wonderful and kind but also has issues with rigidity, having a one-track mind, and lacking empathy when frustrated. We are working on it. She is not an a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

OP here---not talking about any of you. I'm talking about parents of neurotypical kids who refuse to address any potential issues that their kid does that is unkind. Even when it is pointed out by others. Their kid can do no wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re posting on the SN forum. Most of us are going to have SN kids here. Not sure we’re the right audience.

[Anonymous]

Um, guys? OP looks like their family had a hard time recently. Let's not pile on. I think we've all been in situations where others have harshly judged our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, guys? OP looks like their family had a hard time recently. Let's not pile on. I think we've all been in situations where others have harshly judged our kids.

Agree. Looks like she was just wanting some solidarity (or polite scroll by)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here---not talking about any of you. I'm talking about parents of neurotypical kids who refuse to address any potential issues that their kid does that is unkind. Even when it is pointed out by others. Their kid can do no wrong.

Most probably don't know their kid is unkind or the kids are just similar to them.

You don't often know who has SN and who does, especially when schools regularly deny kids help.

[Anonymous]

This was a tough thing for my NT kid to learn/come to terms with when he was young. I don't remember what age it was, sometime in elementary school when work became enough that he would notice that some kids got some kind of extra help. As far as I know, he was never mean or rude in person, but would complain to me about how it was unfair that so and so got help with an assignment or what not. It took some time for him to understand why some kids get extra help and why it's not unfair. Add to that it can be difficult as a parent to explain it when you don't know what is leading to the accomodations.

I'm sorry your kid is dealing with kids being mean to them. I do think some kids struggle with the perceived fairness of it all and parents likely aren't doing a good job of explaining it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was a tough thing for my NT kid to learn/come to terms with when he was young. I don't remember what age it was, sometime in elementary school when work became enough that he would notice that some kids got some kind of extra help. As far as I know, he was never mean or rude in person, but would complain to me about how it was unfair that so and so got help with an assignment or what not. It took some time for him to understand why some kids get extra help and why it's not unfair. Add to that it can be difficult as a parent to explain it when you don't know what is leading to the accomodations.

I'm sorry your kid is dealing with kids being mean to them. I do think some kids struggle with the perceived fairness of it all and parents likely aren't doing a good job of explaining it.

I think there are many parents who are just ableist

[Anonymous]

My own family doesn’t understand why accommodations aren’t an unfair advantage. It’s exhausting. I see you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, guys? OP looks like their family had a hard time recently. Let's not pile on. I think we've all been in situations where others have harshly judged our kids.

+1000

[Anonymous]

It's good to consider where the NT parents may be coming from. But I also get OP's rant, especially starting at the middle school level. If you hang out in the FCPS room at all, you know there is a set of parents of average children who think they are getting short changed.

Because their kids didn't go into AAP, they don't get advanced classes automatically and we know there are plenty of bright kids that probably could have handled it, so they do honors, but it's perceived as not as good as AAP.

Then if they are average, they are in GenEd where they think that those with IEPs, especially in team taught classes, are getting the bulk of support and causing general chaos. Therefore, middle of the road students get nothing and that's why the parents care so much about grades, sports, and test scores.

Is this accurate? I don't know, but SN kids and their supports are not the reason average kids aren't turning out to be Top 20 college material. I spent a lot of time on the College Board last year when my son was a senior and yes, people do blame the current set up for their child's mediocrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear parents of non SN kids,

Please know that we are very well aware of some of the challenging behaviors that our kids engage in. Many of us are working really hard and throwing the kitchen sink at it.

What I want to know is what YOU all are doing to not raise a$$6le kids? Are you teaching them about the world, or is it all you care about is grades, sports, and test scores? Are you teaching them that if a SN kids has accomodations that they are somehow getting a leg up?

Yes, this is an anonymous vent, but I am very tired of parents who don't see that they are also guilty of creating biases.

One of the most difficult things about living in the DC area is that people present themselves very heavily as being accepting of others differences while, at the same time, being extremely inflexible about people (and children!) Who dont conform to their ideas of good behavior. They raise exclusionary bullies and they often are the worst social monsters out there.