Parents who have children from a previous relationship that they never mention/see.

[Anonymous]

So I have personally seen this twice now and it is just so weird to me. Both instances the man had a child in a previous relationship (not clear if it was a marriage or not). Got married had multiple additional children and in one case the previous child’s pictures have been scrubbed from social media and there is no longer a single mention of them. Other instance the child comes and visits 1x per year and though pictures are posted during that visit-he is never acknowledged or mentioned and is never talked about at any time. Both children from the previous relationships are still on the younger side (Not teenagers yet).

What do you make of this? I cannot imagine having a child that you don’t acknowledge at all/barely acknowledge. I also can’t imagine how the kid must feel seeing their dad have a totally different family.

[Anonymous]

Neighbors son got a girl pregnant aroound age 20.

His parents thought she tricked him and hence he never sees the child and she had to take him to court for child support.

Funny thing his parents are criminals dad was caught in a sting for wanting sex underage girls

The young lady who had the baby dodged a bullet by not having this family in her kids life.

[Anonymous]

People do it. I don’t date men who are crappy fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People do it. I don’t date men who are crappy fathers.

+1 forget height or money, how you treat your children is a key indicator of who you are.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend in this situation growing up. Her dad had a whole new family and they lived in a nearby town. Three kids in her family, three kids in the new family. He had a big house and she and her mom and siblings didn't have much.Their dad sometimes bought them things like she got a used car from him when she went to college. But they never saw him and there was no relationship. He had moved on completely. I don’t understand that at all.

[Anonymous]

I think this happens a lot. Doesn’t make it less sad…

“Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.”

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't put much stock on what is posted on social media. That's what you're going off.

[Anonymous]

A girl I knew when we were in our mid 20s started dating a guy who had had an oops baby his freshman year of college. We were around 25 at the time so his daughter was around 7ish or so when they started dating. She lived with the mom across the country but he saw her a few times a year. My friend said the girl had “problems” but was never specific. Once they got married there was never a mention of the girl again. They went on to have 2 kids and if you hadn’t seen the old pictures of him and his daughter you would have no idea she existed. The old friend and him are now divorced with a 10 and 7 year old. He sees/mentions his new kids all the time-never once mentioned her again. She would be an adult now I assume. It always seemed very weird to me.

[Anonymous]

My dad did this to my older half-sister. From stories I’ve heard, his ex and my mom didn’t get along and my mom wasn’t kind to his daughter so she stopped coming around before I was even born. Ultimately, my dad could have put his foot down if he really wanted to so the blame lies with him. Men are loyal to the woman they’re currently sleeping with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't put much stock on what is posted on social media. That's what you're going off.

One of the people I am talking about lives in my neighborhood. And we are acquaintances. I have physically seen them with this child on 2 occasions (during the once a year visits) and the parents and I had a whole conversation one time while he was standing there without them ever mentioning who this kid was. It was the most bizarre thing. The only reason I knew is because the mom had mentioned it 1x many years prior.

So not just social media.

[Anonymous]

If you're just going by social media, you can't learn much. Teens and young adults have zero interest in appearing on their father's new wife's social media! They may refuse to do it at all, even if the new wife wants them to. So I wouldn't draw any conclusions from it.

But I do see this erasing happen when the second wife wants to pretend there never was a first wife, that her kids are the only kids, that her DH is having a first-time parenting experience even though he actually isn't, etc. On some level she knows she settled, and as her DH visibly ages, she tries harder and harder with social media and their family "brand". And the older set of kids just kind of drifts away, because the new wife and the marriage cannot succeed if they are often present.

https://drpsychmom1.substack.com/p/redo-vs-second-act-vision-of-remarriage

[Anonymous]

If the kid was retroactively, thoroughly scrubbed from social media I would think the kid or their mother requested it. For a teen, being all over their stepmother's social media is cringe.

[Anonymous]

They may have an agreement with their ex to keep the kid off SM. Thats true for my cousin and her ex.

[Anonymous]

So some of you think it’s normal to never talk about or be seen with one of your children? I cannot imagine. And I can’t imagine someone choosing to basically forget about one of their children for a relationship. I would never put anyone above my children-ever.

[Anonymous]

I never put the kids on social media, but I am a mother who 'lost' the kids to their father.
I got one back when they turned 18 and the other when ex killed himself with reckless behavior.
I could not be in their lives too much for safety reasons. Had I gone to court, my kids and myself would not be alive now. The possibility of my ex doing something crazy, was very high.
The other parent's behavior was not a behavior of a mentally healthy person. It got worse when I was around. All the anger was geared towards me and kids got caught in the middle.