Female bullies and media jobs

[Anonymous]

For those of you who work in media are your female coworkers cliquey and manipulative and drama prone? I’m two companies in and same story at both jobs, late 20s

Any tips for how to navigate,
Especially around the holidays when we have a ton of client parties together? I have a male boss who’s wonderful FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Does working at an advertising agency count as a media job? If so, I have some stories.

[Anonymous]

Not at an agency but I do work with agencies directly!

[Anonymous]

I don't work in media but have still encountered this. Some women are like this, and when they work in the same place, especially if it's a female-dominated workspace or role, they will turn it into a little exclusive sorority.

I work in libraries, but I've heard similar complaints from nurses, yoga/barre instructors, and teachers.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here - this definitely happens especially at the elementary level where it's female dominated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who work in media are your female coworkers cliquey and manipulative and drama prone? I’m two companies in and same story at both jobs, late 20s

Any tips for how to navigate,
Especially around the holidays when we have a ton of client parties together? I have a male boss who’s wonderful FWIW.

is water wet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does working at an advertising agency count as a media job? If so, I have some stories.

No, it doesn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't work in media but have still encountered this. Some women are like this, and when they work in the same place, especially if it's a female-dominated workspace or role, they will turn it into a little exclusive sorority.

I work in libraries, but I've heard similar complaints from nurses, yoga/barre instructors, and teachers.

Tell me about it. I’m in a similar workplace and the snark is real.

[Anonymous]

I used to work at a yoga studio as the PP mentioned and and it wasn't totally woman-dominated but the women there were vicious gossips who ruined what would otherwise of have been a great job. I loved teaching, loved my students, liked the schedule. I even liked many of my colleagues.

My studio was owned by a man but he was never around (spent half the year out of state and traveled a ton the rest of time). So the studio manager was the main boss. She was what I've since learned is called a "covert narcissist." But she was far from the only problem. There were several assistant managers who kind of tag teamed with her by collecting info about people who worked there and sharing it so they could better manipulate workers, pit people against each other, make life miserable for people they wanted to quit, etc. These conversations always happened during socializing, never in any official capacity, so it was just underground. Sometimes I was a favorite who was doted on, other times I was an enemy they wanted to get rid of. It would often be based on something random (at some point they decided I was not "one of them" because I'd attended a party where I declined to drink, for health reasons, and apparently this angered people).

The studio manager also had serious boundary issues. She was in an open marriage with her husband, who was always around the studio (and sometimes helped out with handyman stuff) and she was openly sleeping with various members of the staff for most of the time I worked there. The people she was sleeping with would often get their preferred classes and schedules, even when it meant taking classes away from more experienced or full time staff (which would result in supposedly full time staff dropping below full time hours and risking losing their health insurance).

Bizarrely, however, she had a devoted following at the studio. Both among students and staff. I think it happened because she'd use the power she had to dote on people (she definitely did it to me when I first started working there) and then she'd start withholding with the implication that you'd done something wrong. This would often make people rush to try and and please her to get back in her good graces, and then she'd deign to "forgive" you, and then restart the cycle. It's a classic abuse tactic.

I only stayed working there as long as I did because it's where I'd done my teacher training and I felt some weird loyalty to it. Once I'd been there a few years, I had a bunch of devoted students and I worried that if I left, I'd lose the status associated with being able to drive business to a studio with my positive rep. Plus I had friends there. It just felt too hard to leave. Until they decided they didn't want me there anymore and made it miserable for me until I quit -- giving classes I'd taught for years to newbie teachers without even telling me, refusing to respond to emails when I'd reach out to management, "forgetting" to include me on all-staff communications about policy changes or meetings, etc. I finally just gave up and left.

I know it sounds stupid, people don't think of teaching yoga as a "real" job. But I trained for years to do and was good at it and really loved it. I had students I'd taken from brand new to yoga who transformed their bodies and found real mental health improvement over the course of several years. It felt like genuinely meaningful work. But the experience was just destroyed by these horrible women. I truly don't understand what the point of it all was. Just people who were bizarrely power mad by their ability to control other people? I don't get it. It honestly could have been a great place to work but it was just a toxic cesspool instead. Why? Why cause so much misery for no real reason?

[Anonymous]

This is unfortunately a sad reality. I’m an RN and make a point of not behaving this way. As a 51 year old I particularly try to be supportive of younger women as honestly there were some older women who were not very kind to me when I was young and pretty. On the flip side, younger women need to work on not being ageist (of course that’s obviously an issue with men too). But in general women need to step up and stop this crap. It’s time for the narrative to change but that will involve some self reflection.