Weird Friendships

[Anonymous]

I have friends that I really, really love. They're smart, accomplished, up on what's going on in the world, read interesting books and love to socialize. I enjoy getting together with them. But many times after I see them I have a really negative reaction sometimes so severe it's like a bad high. Like I wake up in the middle of the night feeling intense shame and regret over something I said, or physical dread at the thought of seeing them again. Why is this???? I have known them for years and it has happened enough times that I realize it's about them and me both, but what is it? Anyone experienced this?

[Anonymous]

I feel like we need more information here if you think it’s more than just your own social anxiety

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we need more information here if you think it’s more than just your own social anxiety

Agreed. This really sounds like social anxiety, and the timing strongly suggests it's a "just you" issue, OP.

[Anonymous]

You’re the problem. Not them

[Anonymous]

It’s you. .. Go figure out whyZ

[Anonymous]

This is OP. How can it be just me when I don't get that reaction from socializing with other people? Is the reaction I described a symptom of social anxiety?

[Anonymous]

I think maybe you were really never comfortable with these friends, that you think you are being judge or might say the wrong things or not as accomplished. I am sure it is only in your ruminating and not real - evident by being welcomed and included in this group. You probably suffer from insecurities, low confidence and maybe guilt and fear of doing/something wrong. I have been there. Just keep being you and try not to be so self conscious - they are your friends and like you too!

[Anonymous]

OP, I have sexual anxiety and this happens to me. So it's definitely partly that, especially if it is waking you up and leading to obsessive and intrusive thoughts.

That said, I've learned over the years that certain personalities and dynamics are more likely to trigger my social anxiety. I also have friends who NEVER trigger this reaction, even if I've objective very stuck my foot in my mouth.

Over time I experience these issues less, partly because I address my anxiety but also because I just choose to spend less time with people who are more likely to make me feel this way. Protect your peace, as the saying goes.

Only you can know why these particular friends trigger your social anxiety though. My reasons might not be yours.

[Anonymous]

^social anxiety not sexual, lol. I'm on my phone. Luckily I don't know Amy of you so this won't wake me up at 3am in a cold sweat thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Is the group gossipy? This can cause a lot of social anxiety, especially if you are not very gossipy.

[Anonymous]

Gut feeling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. How can it be just me when I don't get that reaction from socializing with other people? Is the reaction I described a symptom of social anxiety?

Well, that’s why I asked you for more information. What makes these people different from others? If you can find the answer, I can better answer your question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the group gossipy? This can cause a lot of social anxiety, especially if you are not very gossipy.

Seconding this. I do not have social anxiety generally, but for a time I was friends with a group of women I knew via work and the culture was very gossipy. I definitely experienced what OP is talking about after hanging out with this group. It wasn't irrational. I'd seen them ridicule and mock other colleagues and people in the general social circle many times because of [what they perceived to be] a dumb comment in a meeting, or someone being a little socially awkward when out with the group. I never participated in that gossip but I clocked it, and it made me feel extra self-conscious when at work or at happy hours or other social events with work people. I did my best to seek out people who weren't so gossipy and were more like me, but only sort of succeeded at it.

It was a huge relief when I moved on from that job and faded out of that friend group. I don't understand how anyone maintains longterm friendships with people like that -- I found it very stressful and unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. How can it be just me when I don't get that reaction from socializing with other people? Is the reaction I described a symptom of social anxiety?

Because, you are putting your friend in a pedestal and up in the clouds.
Just relax and don’t overthink things.
He is just a person with a problem like most people nothing special.

[Anonymous]

You have described a textbook social anxiety symptom (though I agree with you that if you don’t have the symptoms with other groups/situations you don’t have social anxiety disorder.) the same things will probably work though-read abt CBT techniques for social anxiety.