When someone makes plans then ghosts….

[Anonymous]

I have this issue with DD’s best friend’s mom.

She’ll call us to ask if we want to do a playdate or go to XYZ that day. I’ll say sure, she replies something along the lines of “we’re actually not home right now, we’re out doing ABC”. So I tell her to just call when she gets back home and we’ll meet up.

Most of the time, she doesn’t call back. Often has an excuse of “sorry I texted the wrong number!”

I’m getting really irritated because we arranged our day to be free in the afternoon, DD gets upset because she was looking forward to it. I don’t want to spend the day constantly texting “are you home yet? What’s the plan?” But I also want DD to see her friend, so it’s almost worth it to tolerate.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I’d assume she never means what she texts. And “texted the wrong number” Damn, that’s cold. So go about your day and every once in a while maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised. You and your daughter are not a priority so don’t sit around waiting. And don’t tell your daughter about the initial text.

[Anonymous]

I would stop accepting or making plans with her, at least for a while. We had friends who would agree to meet up (or even invite), then invariably cancel last minute with a lame excuse. We just stopped inviting them. We occasionally into them— cool, but not making any plans around them.

[Anonymous]

Our closest friends can be like this. They’ll ask what we’re doing for dinner on a certain day, the bail because the kids didn’t get their homework done or they ran late or some other excuse. And they won’t actually tell me until late afternoon when I email them to confirm plans. Needless to say I no longer assume plans are real until they show up.

[Anonymous]

OP. It just happened again yesterday, tell me what I’m doing wrong.

“Larla” texted me asking if we were free for a play date later on in the day.

I didn’t want to move my plans around, so I responded that we were headed to an event about 10 minutes from where we both live and she and the kids were welcome to meet up with us.

I got no response back. Not even a “sorry we can’t make it”.

Not a big deal I guess but this is the third time in a row she’s reached out for playdates that day, then never responded when I say yes.

I’m thinking of saying something to her. I’m just getting really irritated over the whole thing.

I guess I’m also really irritated because I know the texting the wrong number thing is a lie.

[Anonymous]

I would text in the very beginning, "We will need to know details by ___ o'clock or we'll make other plans for the afternoon."

[Anonymous]

Very inconsiderate. Stop making plans with this person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. It just happened again yesterday, tell me what I’m doing wrong.

“Larla” texted me asking if we were free for a play date later on in the day.

I didn’t want to move my plans around, so I responded that we were headed to an event about 10 minutes from where we both live and she and the kids were welcome to meet up with us.

I got no response back. Not even a “sorry we can’t make it”.

Not a big deal I guess but this is the third time in a row she’s reached out for playdates that day, then never responded when I say yes.

I’m thinking of saying something to her. I’m just getting really irritated over the whole thing.

I guess I’m also really irritated because I know the texting the wrong number thing is a lie.

So, for this particular example, I would think she had in mind to invite your DD over to play with hers so she could cook/ clean/ relax/ whatever. She didn't want a family get together at an event nearby. So she didn't respond right away- maybe mulling it over, or seeing if she could get a different kid over for a playdate instead. And then forgot to respond back to you. Its sort of like if you invited someone to come over for a dinner you were about to cook and they said "actually i'm going bowling , want to come?" That's not really what you were inviting them to do, it's sort of a weird bait and switch where they know youre available and youre trying to get them to do something totally different.

Are these what all the examples are like? Or just this one?

[Anonymous]

Not best friends. No more plans with them. Move on. She has no interest in getting together with you and you are a back up plan.

[Anonymous]

I would stop making plans with her OR you have to be very blunt and tell her you need concrete times since it’s hard to pin her down.

[Anonymous]

"The last few times we tried making plans with you, they have fallen through. Navigating DD's disappointment when this happens is an added frustration for me. Let me know when you are able to make definite plans, and if the answer is never, that's ok"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. It just happened again yesterday, tell me what I’m doing wrong.

“Larla” texted me asking if we were free for a play date later on in the day.

I didn’t want to move my plans around, so I responded that we were headed to an event about 10 minutes from where we both live and she and the kids were welcome to meet up with us.

I got no response back. Not even a “sorry we can’t make it”.

Not a big deal I guess but this is the third time in a row she’s reached out for playdates that day, then never responded when I say yes.

I’m thinking of saying something to her. I’m just getting really irritated over the whole thing.

I guess I’m also really irritated because I know the texting the wrong number thing is a lie.

So, for this particular example, I would think she had in mind to invite your DD over to play with hers so she could cook/ clean/ relax/ whatever. She didn't want a family get together at an event nearby. So she didn't respond right away- maybe mulling it over, or seeing if she could get a different kid over for a playdate instead. And then forgot to respond back to you. Its sort of like if you invited someone to come over for a dinner you were about to cook and they said "actually i'm going bowling , want to come?" That's not really what you were inviting them to do, it's sort of a weird bait and switch where they know youre available and youre trying to get them to do something totally different.

Are these what all the examples are like? Or just this one?

No, last time she called for a play date that day; I said yes. Then she responded with “ok we’re in [city an hour away]”. I said ok, call when you get back home and we’ll do a play date. Never heard back from her.

The time before that, she offered to take DD with them to a place they were going that day, I texted back yes. She never showed up, never responded to my text, then said it was bc she texted the wrong number (which I know is not true).

So I’ve stopped trying to arrange actual play dates because she calls/texts me to arrange them then ghosts. I figure if she reaches out, I’ll just invite them to meet us wherever we’re at, rather than arranging my entire day in hopes they might follow through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very inconsiderate. Stop making plans with this person.

+100

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like this too and I stopped organizing play dates with them. Or, if I did, I wouldn’t tell my child until they were for certain on their way.

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like this and I stopped making plans with her and it's a huge relief. Your "friend" has no respect for you or your time. You've said it's not a big deal but it IS a big deal when it is a a pattern of disrespect for you and your child.

People will treat you in the ways that you accept. I decided I would no longer accept no-shows, no explanation or apology for the no-shows, and being an hour or more late on the occasions when they do show up.