Party invite dilemma - college friends

[Anonymous]

DH is throwing me a 40th birthday dinner/party and the place we are doing it has a maximum number of guests/strict capacity. We didn’t think it would be an issue when we booked it since we aren’t trying to have a blowout party, and I wanted to keep it on the smaller side and invite closer friends for cost purposes.

I put together a list of the people I want to attend, and included my closest friend from college who lives an hour away. I did not include my two other closest friends from college because they are a 3.5 hour flight away and in reality while we still text regularly, we have grown apart and only see each other every other year at most. I really didn’t think twice about it until I was talking to my closer college friend who assumed I was inviting the other two, and was surprised when I said no. She thinks they will be really offended if I don’t invite them, especially if I am just inviting the closer college friend vs all 3.

If space wasn’t an issue I would happily invite them, but if I do it means I need to cut 4 others from the invite list to make space (husbands are invited too).

I am really torn on what to do - I know my preference is to not invite them so I can keep the people I am closer to at this point in my life on the list, but I also don’t want to offend them or end our friendship over this.

How would you handle? And no, planning something different with just my college friends is likely not an option.

[Anonymous]

Is your friend closer to the other 2 than you? I think it's odd to assume they would be offended given how you describe your friendship with them. But if she's closer with them, I could see it from her POV. But no, I wouldn't cut out 4 other friends for 4 people I see every other year.

[Anonymous]

It's DH's party, its ok for your old friends to not be invited. Grow a spine and invite who you want to the party.

[Anonymous]

That friend doesn’t get to dictate your guest list.
Lesson learned. Stop sharing who you’re inviting to your events moving forward.

[Anonymous]

If there is any fallout, "blame" it on your husband. You can say that you gave him a longer list, but since he was paying for the party and planning it, he had to make some cuts.

[Anonymous]

I mean if you invite them will they even come? There are always people who have something come up or RSVP no unexpectedly. I think your physically closer friend was suggesting what I'd call a courtesy invite.

[Anonymous]

Just say DH only invited local friends because he didn't want to put anyone out.

[Anonymous]

just tell her it's local friends only. that you didn't want to ask people to travel.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure you're turning 40 and not 14? Who lets a friend dictate who they invite to their birthday party?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:just tell her it's local friends only. that you didn't want to ask people to travel.

my guess is that the two girls from out of town would not want to come anyway. You say they both have husbands, and at age 40 I would guess they have kids too. Planning a weekend trip at that stage is a lot of work, and once they get to the party, they won't know many people there anyhow.
unless they are unusually pissy, or there are aspects of the situation you are not sharing, I don't expect them to be offended that they weren't invited. they probably prefer not to come.

[Anonymous]

as my brother wisely told me when planning my wedding guest list at age 40 - just because you drank beer with somebody in a basement on Saturday nights twenty years ago does not automatically make them your best friends for life.

[Anonymous]

I would probably invite them and assume that they won’t come. If they do, chances are someone cancels close to the date. Also, do you have close local friends ago you could ask if their husbands don’t mind skipping if you numbers are off and they unexpectedly say yes? 👏 I know my husband would be thrilled.