Help with sympathy card issues

[Anonymous]

I have worked as a legal secretary for one of my attorneys for about seven years. He is married with young adult kids. I've never met his wife or kids, but he talks about them all to me. His MIL just died (it was expected) today. He told me over the phone and I asked him to send my sympathy to his wife, etc.

1. Do I send/give a sympathy card? Since I already said it over the phone?
2. If yes, do I send a sympathy card to his house? Or leave it in his office?
3. Do I address it to his wife? Wife and her sister? The Gellar Family (which would be him, his wife and kids, but leave out wife's sisters and deceased's husband)?
4. What do I write? I am jewish, they are non-practicing Catholic (I think) who are very liberal. The deceased was declining for a while but they are still shaken.

[Anonymous]

Give a card to him and his wife. You can send it to their house or leave it in his office, doesn’t matter because he will let her know about it.

It’s very nice of you.

[Anonymous]

Me again. Keep it simple, something like:
I’m so sorry for your loss OR may the memories or your mother bring you comfort. Cliched, yes, but anodyne and inoffensive to most. Don’t mention god unless you know they believe.

[Anonymous]

Mail a card to his home addressed to his family name. I think the Jewish sentiment of "may her memory be a blessing" is always beautiful regardless of the deceased's family's religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mail a card to his home addressed to his family name. I think the Jewish sentiment of "may her memory be a blessing" is always beautiful regardless of the deceased's family's religion.

I agree with this. Address the card "To the Gellar family".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have worked as a legal secretary for one of my attorneys for about seven years. He is married with young adult kids. I've never met his wife or kids, but he talks about them all to me. His MIL just died (it was expected) today. He told me over the phone and I asked him to send my sympathy to his wife, etc.

1. Do I send/give a sympathy card? Since I already said it over the phone?
2. If yes, do I send a sympathy card to his house? Or leave it in his office?
3. Do I address it to his wife? Wife and her sister? The Gellar Family (which would be him, his wife and kids, but leave out wife's sisters and deceased's husband)?
4. What do I write? I am jewish, they are non-practicing Catholic (I think) who are very liberal. The deceased was declining for a while but they are still shaken.

Address the card to him and his wife, send it to their house, keep it simple with something like my deepest condolences/sympathies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mail a card to his home addressed to his family name. I think the Jewish sentiment of "may her memory be a blessing" is always beautiful regardless of the deceased's family's religion.

I veto this.

[Anonymous]

A card addressed to the boss' family - either mailed to the home or given to him at the office is fine. You don't need to include the wife's sisters, you have no connection to them.

You can also ask if he wants any email announcement sent out around the office. Probably not for a MIL, but for the death of a boss' own mother I would make an appearance at the wake.

[Anonymous]

Send the card! Any of the above is fine- since it is the mother in law, I would address it to the family. I’m practicing catholic and take no offense at my Jewish friends offers or prayers or sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Back in the day, Miss Manners used to say that there was no acceptable sympathy card and you were better off using plain white stationery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back in the day, Miss Manners used to say that there was no acceptable sympathy card and you were better off using plain white stationery.

Outdated advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mail a card to his home addressed to his family name. I think the Jewish sentiment of "may her memory be a blessing" is always beautiful regardless of the deceased's family's religion.

I veto this.

Why? I am Christian and I think it’s lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back in the day, Miss Manners used to say that there was no acceptable sympathy card and you were better off using plain white stationery.

Outdated advice.

+1
There are some really good cards out there. Don't put the sympathy card writers out of a job!

(there are even sympathy cards for pets!)

[Anonymous]

OP here with an update. Yes, it is over two months later and today was the first time he was in the office. My sympathy card has been sitting on his keyboard for all this time. He has barely been working and been doing the bare minimum all this time, flying back and forth to where the MIL lived, helping with probate and estate stuff, etc.

He kind of just held it up to me and said "I'll bring this home to Kim, thank you" and put it into his work bag. All that worrying for nothing.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I was one of the people who responded and I always appreciate at an update. That seems like a really long time to be out for a MIL!