DD in constant existential crisis

[Anonymous]

Freshman dd is doing great in her classes, has a good job, things are fine socially, but she is calling me daily with worries about worries small and big: bad day at work, I was so worried about this and that or did I mess up with this and that. She's always trashing her own major (a Humanities one) because she seems to mostly meet STEM kids and she feels inferior to them. Her latest worry is whether to sign up for ROTC because she thinks she'd benefit from having a clear path, but she's also dreading it, went for the tour and was told non-stem means fewer chances...It is never ending. Do kids like this find their way? I don't want to guide her toward one path or another and it's really not my decision, but listening to it day in and day out is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Yes, she'll find her way. Discourage her from doing something that doesn't actually interest her. Don't call her and ask her about negative things, as that will only encourage it.

[Anonymous]

She needs to smoke a joint and chill out. Only half kidding.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever had her checked for anxiety?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like her brain is stuck in a negative place. When she thinks she messed something up, did she? Is she seeing reality or everything with a very negative lens?

Is she using you to deal with her emotions? I've heard this is happening more & more with Gen Z. They don't know how to process their emotions & parents become the way they process them...it's not the best strategy tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like her brain is stuck in a negative place. When she thinks she messed something up, did she? Is she seeing reality or everything with a very negative lens?

Is she using you to deal with her emotions? I've heard this is happening more & more with Gen Z. They don't know how to process their emotions & parents become the way they process them...it's not the best strategy tbh.

I think she definitely does. I actually never call her. I don't get a chance to because she is the one who calls, at least once if not twice a day. I'm not remotely overbearing: her brother is also in college and I talk to him once a week or so, a text here and there. And as far as did she mess up or not, yes, she often does mess up, but not in huge ways, like she'll get a few points off a test for not including something, will have a bad day at work...Then the big existential stuff is always popping up, the negative self talk about her major not being a hard or "smart" major. I am having a hard time between understanding she wants to vent and finding the venting hard for me emotionally because it's so much so often, and it's also not helpful at all for her. But I don't solve her problems or decide for her.

[Anonymous]

Have her meet with a career coach and help her map out a ten-year plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she'll find her way. Discourage her from doing something that doesn't actually interest her. Don't call her and ask her about negative things, as that will only encourage it.

Her big issue is she says nothing truly interests her that much, and she has issues picturing career paths. So she sees the ROTC path as a way to stop overthinking, just commit to something...but then she is scared to commit to it and she overthinks that. So when I say you should do something you like (which I do) her response is that she doesn't truly know what that is, and maybe she should do something "harder" that will be stable, good financially...She is a very good student and doing well now but definitely not a STEM kid in the sense she's not that into it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she can get in touch with her school's counseling center. She can be screened for anxiety, and I imagine they've heard a lot of this from their clients.

[Anonymous]

She sounds a lot like my kid at that age. It’s anxiety. She needs medication maybe some therapy to stop the catastrophising and also to stop the intrusive thoughts. If she’s expressing to you imagine what’s going on inside her head. It calms down as they keep maturing but yeah get her on meds.

[Anonymous]

Anxiety

[Anonymous]

Definitely sounds like undiagnosed and untreated anxiety. The good thing is that therapy and medication are both available and can help.

[Anonymous]

My DD is also calling almost daily. A bit surprising but this is a bug step for them. Be grateful she’s so close to you and let yourself be a sounding board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds a lot like my kid at that age. It’s anxiety. She needs medication maybe some therapy to stop the catastrophising and also to stop the intrusive thoughts. If she’s expressing to you imagine what’s going on inside her head. It calms down as they keep maturing but yeah get her on meds.

Which meds worked? Side effects?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anxiety

Don’t be afraid of getting her on medication!

I started having these kinds of thoughts about 4 years ago. If I wake up in the middle of the night, my mind will race with all kinds of what ifs, replaying conversations with friends in my mind, worrying about everything, etc. My kids started calling me out on my anxiety and I finally started meds 2 months ago. I still feel anxiety, but it is nothing like it used to be.