ISO coaching advice regarding my 8G girls team

[Anonymous]

Fellow rec coaches – I’ve got a question I want to run by you. I coach an 8G girls team. We are a good team (relative to the other teams in our division), but we have extremely weak goalkeeping. We have a keeper with zero athletic ability, and who is scared to use her hands -- she thinks that contact with the ball will hurt, even with gloves on -- so she almost exclusively uses her feet to stop the ball, and doesn’t even do this very well. About 50% of shots (even weak shots) end up reaching the back of the net.

Obviously, the sensible option is to put another kid in goal. We have done this in a few games, and the positive effects are immediate. Every kid I’ve tested in goal has performed much better than our primary keeper. However, the primary keeper (let’s call her “Susan”) takes great pride in being our goalie and is visibly upset whenever I replace her with somebody else. Moreover, Susan has a lot of trouble in school, where she is bullied and teased by other kids. She struggles to make friends. I find her difficult to interact with – she is not an easy-going person and seems unable to govern her emotions. She has very poor listening skills. She resists efforts to coach her and to help her improve. When a coach tries to teach her proper technique, she sometimes argues with the coach, convinced that she is a talented keeper and that she needs no help – yet she is the worst keeper I’ve encountered in my 7 years of coaching.

This brings me to my question for fellow rec coaches: what would you do in this situation?

Obviously, removing her from goalie will improve the team’s chances to win games. But I worry about her mental state, and I worry that stripping her of the keeper position will lead to more emotional suffering. This is a kid who is having a very hard time socially. I don’t want to make her struggles even worse, but this situation isn’t good for our team. Keep in mind, however, that Susan doesn't have an accurate view of herself as a goalkeeper. She believes she is really good, and takes pride in her role as keeper. I have never punctured this strange bubble -- I'm never been honest with her (about her goalkeeping) because I have no interest in making her life worse. This leaves me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Anonymous]

You are trying to decide if you should subject an 8 year old child to emotional suffering and make "her life worse" so the recreational team can win more games? Do I have that right? Surely you can find some middle ground like "we want to give everyone on the team a chance to play all positions so we are going to rotate everyone through different positions". You don't need to be honest with her about her playing. Just come up with a policy that is the same for everyone on the team and doesn't single anyone out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are trying to decide if you should subject an 8 year old child to emotional suffering and make "her life worse" so the recreational team can win more games? Do I have that right? Surely you can find some middle ground like "we want to give everyone on the team a chance to play all positions so we are going to rotate everyone through different positions". You don't need to be honest with her about her playing. Just come up with a policy that is the same for everyone on the team and doesn't single anyone out.

I agree with this. I would rotate other kids into goal and have her play only half the game (at most) in goal. If she pushes back about being "the goalie", just remind her that nobody on the team has set positions and that everyone should be learning how to play all positions.

She probably likes to play goalie because she doesn't have to run as much and it is clearer where she should be on the field.

And while I agree with PP that winning in 8 YO rec soccer isn't important, I do understand that her teammates likely get frustrated with the situation, which doesn't help her make friends. And no kid wants to be on a team that never wins. As a rec coach, you do have to balance giving kids the opportunity to do what they want to do with having a functional team on the field so that everyone is having fun. It is not fun at all for players to have a goalie that can't make saves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are trying to decide if you should subject an 8 year old child to emotional suffering and make "her life worse" so the recreational team can win more games? Do I have that right? Surely you can find some middle ground like "we want to give everyone on the team a chance to play all positions so we are going to rotate everyone through different positions". You don't need to be honest with her about her playing. Just come up with a policy that is the same for everyone on the team and doesn't single anyone out.

Not 8 years old --- 13 years old (8G = 8th grade).

I'm not a doctor, but she is not what I'd describe as a mentally/emotionally health kid. There are clearly some significant issues affecting her. I know through the grapevine that she is having a very hard time in school. She has few friends, and sometimes cries in public. I feel like there is more for me to consider in this situation than simply soccer -- there is her well-being. Ironically, being our goalie seems to be a source of positive feelings for her. She takes great pride in being our keeper. I'm concerned that taking this away from her might make her emotional state even worse. I'm curious if other coaches have ever run into a complicated situation like this, and what have you done about it.

[Anonymous]

Its rec soccer. Its for fun. Just let her be the GK and work on shoring up your defense. Who cares if you lose every game?

[Anonymous]

Leading off with 8th Grade would have led to better responses, but rec really should just be teaching kids how to play the sport. Results shouldn't matter at all.

I'm not sure how rotating ALL players would result in her feeling like she was singled out.

[Anonymous]

Have u tried talking to her parents? I don’t care much about her performance because it’s Rec and everyone gets to play but the disruption and not being respectful to the coach is an issue.

[Anonymous]

She may need some sort of private lesson to bolster her confidence and skill in goal. If you can convince another, charismatic coach to give her a few GK technique lessons, that might help a lot!

I live in south Alexandria and could donate some time to the cause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its rec soccer. Its for fun. Just let her be the GK and work on shoring up your defense. Who cares if you lose every game?

The kids care. Even rec kids want to win and at this age, kids should understand how to behave.

[Anonymous]

Op, you sound like a very caring coach. I have been there -- coaching rec basketball with some kids who are just struggling to understand the game and make any kind of basic play. It is very frustrating to the kids who CAN play and get it.

I wish I had some suggestions, but I do have empathy for your situation. At least next year the players will be in high school and can probably experience a more evenly talented team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leading off with 8th Grade would have led to better responses, but rec really should just be teaching kids how to play the sport. Results shouldn't matter at all.

But they do inasmuch as nobody likes to lose and I'm sure the rest of the team isn't thrilled. This could also lead to the goalie being ostracized as the sole reason they're losing. Completely agree on the idea of player rotation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are trying to decide if you should subject an 8 year old child to emotional suffering and make "her life worse" so the recreational team can win more games? Do I have that right? Surely you can find some middle ground like "we want to give everyone on the team a chance to play all positions so we are going to rotate everyone through different positions". You don't need to be honest with her about her playing. Just come up with a policy that is the same for everyone on the team and doesn't single anyone out.

I agree with this. I would rotate other kids into goal and have her play only half the game (at most) in goal. If she pushes back about being "the goalie", just remind her that nobody on the team has set positions and that everyone should be learning how to play all positions.

She probably likes to play goalie because she doesn't have to run as much and it is clearer where she should be on the field.

And while I agree with PP that winning in 8 YO rec soccer isn't important, I do understand that her teammates likely get frustrated with the situation, which doesn't help her make friends. And no kid wants to be on a team that never wins. As a rec coach, you do have to balance giving kids the opportunity to do what they want to do with having a functional team on the field so that everyone is having fun. It is not fun at all for players to have a goalie that can't make saves.

This is my PP and I clearly thought these were U8 girls, not 8th grade. My answer is generally the same. However, given her age, I like another PP's suggestion of recommending to her parents that she do some rec-level goalie training.

It sounds like she may be neurodivergent. I appreciate that you want to be mindful of her mental health.

[Anonymous]

This is a parenting issue OP. Talk to the parents about your concerns and make sure the kid is getting support in general about the issue you’re noticing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its rec soccer. Its for fun. Just let her be the GK and work on shoring up your defense. Who cares if you lose every game?

The kids care. Even rec kids want to win and at this age, kids should understand how to behave.

OP here. I agree kids care about the outcomes of rec games, which is why I have to think carefully about my decision with respect to this particular player and her role on the team. Until now, I've placed this particular player's personal needs above the team's; however, I'm unsure if I should continue to do this next season.

You mention that "kids should understand how to behave". I agree that is the case for healthy 8th graders. But this particular child/young adult doesn't appear to have any ability to effectively regulate or modulate her behavior. She seems to genuinely have some sort of condition or mental health problem that affects her ability to interact positively with the people around her. She is not a deliberate trouble-maker, but she has strong moods and surges of emotion that seem a bit uncontrollable and out-of-proportion to the triggering event.

A month ago, her parents initiated a conversation with me, acknowledging that their daughter has issues and is struggling. However, the conversation didn't make things any easier for me, because during the course of the conversation the parents mentioned that being goalie on my team is something that their daughter truly values.

It seems the best I can do in this tricky situation is to limit her time in goal to just half the game -- but playing 30 minutes with poor goalkeeping generally leads to a scoring deficit that is difficult for the team to recover from. Regardless of how strong I set up the defense, there are going to be at least a few shots on target, and with her in goal most of these shots get into the net.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may need some sort of private lesson to bolster her confidence and skill in goal. If you can convince another, charismatic coach to give her a few GK technique lessons, that might help a lot!

I live in south Alexandria and could donate some time to the cause.

I appreciate this offer. Thank you. Quite a few good coaches have attempted to help. For now, I'm not sure what else we can do with respect to boosting her skills. We will keep trying, but I don't want to complicate things right now by bringing even more coaches into the picture.