Elderly cats - death by a thousand cuts

[Anonymous]

I’ve had two cats since they were tiny kittens. They’re now almost 15. My husband also had a cat, similar aged, so after we moved in together we had three cats. Between the three of them, over the first 12-13 years of their lives, we had one medical issue and one behavioral issue, each is which took about a year and a ton of energy (and a decent but not absurd amount of money) to solve. Plus, a handful of one-visit smaller medical stuff, no big deal. More than I expected with cats, but all manageable.

Well, about a year ago one of the cats started to deteriorate. Nothing sudden or large - small issue on top of small issue. Finally he just became too medically complex, a bigger issue came up, and so we put him to sleep about four months ago. We were sad, but also to be honest, a bit relieved to be done with all his various issues.

Well, since then, the remaining two cats (now almost 15), have started down this same road. Nothing dramatic or difficult or expensive to treat - if something like that happened, we’d definitely put a cat to sleep. But it’s just one thing after another. One started throwing up a lot, lots of tests and some medication to solve, the other developed hyperthyroidism, which is also easily solved with medication, except, whoops, bad reaction to the medication so we needed to fix that and try another medication, and now I’ve been in the cat emergency room for the past three hours because one stopped peeing and probably has a UTI (again, an easy fix).

NONE of these issues have been a big deal. But they add up, in expense (today is going to cost me at least $1300), but primarily in time, effort and energy. We have three kids under six, a house, we both work full time… we’re exhausted and I think both starting to feel resentful of the cats. Which then makes us feel incredibly guilty.

I can’t tell the vet to put a perfectly healthy cat to sleep over a UTI. But I also cannot keep dealing with another acute cat health issue every single freaking month. But I’m worried we’re on that path (again!) It’s not tenable!

My two oldest ended up watching a ton of TV today and not getting baths and we’re going to be starting our week in chaos which just sucks. The opportunity costs for this time and energy are REAL.

Any suggestions? Words of wisdom? I swear I’m not a bad person and I love these cats so much, but it’s just too much.

[Anonymous]

If it is too much for you to deal with, put him to sleep. Keep in mind that it is one thing after the other for the cat too and he's never really comfortable. You need not feel.guilt.for providing a peaceful end.

[Anonymous]

Put the cats to sleep

[Anonymous]

I went through this exact thing. I put them to sleep, but I regret it every day. What I needed was help and support! I wish I’d done things differently.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. I had an 18 year old cat who kept chugging along but nothing major and I was just like I don't have time for this (also busy with 2 kids and was in the middle of RTO for my job). But at the same time I didn't want to put her to sleep just because I was being inconvenienced. I knew at that age, she statistically wouldn't be around too much longer so I just enjoyed her. A month later, I found a lump which the vet confirmed to be cancer and so I put her down a few weeks later. I feel mixed feelings. I feel like a bad person wondering when it would be over, but at the same time I do miss her.

[Anonymous]

This is why I am glad to have pet insurance. We just went through a short but ultimately fatal disease with one cat. It took several tests to figure out what was wrong, each time, the vet was sure to lay out the costs, knowing that can be a big factor. Since I had insurance, it was easy to say yes to the testing and whatever was needed. Of the $8,000 in costs, over $6,000 was covered. Now, over the course of her lifetime, we probably broke even with the insurance so it’s no panacea. But when the cat died I knew we had done everything we could. She was only 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through this exact thing. I put them to sleep, but I regret it every day. What I needed was help and support! I wish I’d done things differently.

OP here. Thank you so much for speaking up. I’m so sorry you have so much regret. I’m sure you made the best decision you could with the information and resources you had.

Two follow up questions for you:

1) How did the logistics of getting the cats put to sleep work? Did you just wait until the next issue popped up, take one to the vet and say, “I’m done?” What was the vet’s response? Sometimes I do feel like this is the best path but I just cannot picture it.

2) Can you talk more, with the benefit of hindsight, about what you would have done differently? The more details the better.

I’m so sorry you were in this position, too. Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I am glad to have pet insurance. We just went through a short but ultimately fatal disease with one cat. It took several tests to figure out what was wrong, each time, the vet was sure to lay out the costs, knowing that can be a big factor. Since I had insurance, it was easy to say yes to the testing and whatever was needed. Of the $8,000 in costs, over $6,000 was covered. Now, over the course of her lifetime, we probably broke even with the insurance so it’s no panacea. But when the cat died I knew we had done everything we could. She was only 10.

OP here. This was actually a reallly helpful post because it was so clarifying for me. My immediate response was, “So what? That wouldn’t help at all!”

So it really is not about the money for me. It’s the time, energy, and effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I had an 18 year old cat who kept chugging along but nothing major and I was just like I don't have time for this (also busy with 2 kids and was in the middle of RTO for my job). But at the same time I didn't want to put her to sleep just because I was being inconvenienced. I knew at that age, she statistically wouldn't be around too much longer so I just enjoyed her. A month later, I found a lump which the vet confirmed to be cancer and so I put her down a few weeks later. I feel mixed feelings. I feel like a bad person wondering when it would be over, but at the same time I do miss her.

OP here. So sorry for your loss.

I feel awful about this, but this is actually what I find myself hoping will happen. That we’ll take one of them to the vet for some new symptom and the vet will say, “I’m so sorry, it’s cancer, your choices are to put her to sleep or shell out $50k for kitty chemo” and it’ll be an easy decision, and this will all be behind us.

[Anonymous]

This is what you signed up for, even though you perhaps did not realize it at the time when the cats came into your life. But when you bring an animal home, you know that unless there's a euthanasia-level issue... the "milder" ills need to be managed. I don't know what you mean by "more than you expected with cats". ??? Any pet can have lifelong medical issues. My friend has two young cats and one of them has regular medical problems.

I get that it's a total time suck and emotional drain. I currently have a 7 year old dog who has had intestinal issues for months and needed two hospital stays. It's not fun for him, or me, to shower his hindquarters with the garden hose 4 times a day (the diaper doesn't work well on his long, dense fur). I've had other pets who got sick at the same time, plus work and kids not doing well, and it's HARD when everyone comes at you at the same time!

But this is life. Troubles pile up at certain times and there's nothing you can do about it except tell yourself to keep breathing, stay healthy yourself, and that this won't last forever.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but you took in these cats. Figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you OP. I had an 18 year old cat who kept chugging along but nothing major and I was just like I don't have time for this (also busy with 2 kids and was in the middle of RTO for my job). But at the same time I didn't want to put her to sleep just because I was being inconvenienced. I knew at that age, she statistically wouldn't be around too much longer so I just enjoyed her. A month later, I found a lump which the vet confirmed to be cancer and so I put her down a few weeks later. I feel mixed feelings. I feel like a bad person wondering when it would be over, but at the same time I do miss her.

OP here. So sorry for your loss.

I feel awful about this, but this is actually what I find myself hoping will happen. That we’ll take one of them to the vet for some new symptom and the vet will say, “I’m so sorry, it’s cancer, your choices are to put her to sleep or shell out $50k for kitty chemo” and it’ll be an easy decision, and this will all be behind us.

You are not awful. It is tough.
At some level I felt "lucky" that it happened more or less this way for my 10-ish yo kitty. Cancer more or less out of the blue and palliative care was a no brainer.
Miss her terribly but she lived a happy, minimally medicated life for another couple of months, and then it was clear that it was time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but you took in these cats. Figure it out.

Oh puleaze

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for everything you’re going through.

It sounds like you have a good (or at least longstanding) relationship with your vet. At your next visit, ask them for their input. They will likely tell you that at your cats’ ages, given their collection of chronic health issues, making a plan for a final appointment would not be irresponsible. It saves everyone the added trauma and grief of having to say goodbye during a sudden emergency.

It is a gift, to yourself and your animals, to be able to plan a last day that gives them love, comfort and dignity. You can spend time spoiling them, spending purposeful time with them, and planning for how you want them to go. (Ideally at home, with a bellyful of treats, without the stress of a vet trip.) In situations where you have two elderly cats who are likely bonded (or at least used to having each other around), it would also be a kindness to let them go together, rather than stress the remaining kitty.

Being responsible for making this decision flat-out sucks. But it’s always better to do it a week or even a month too early than a day too late.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP! My 17 yo cat was ailing recently and I prepared myself for the worst. I took her to the emergency vet and $2500 later, she is feeling fine again! She is very expensive and no one insures ancient kitties.