Need to lock down access to teen’s electronics

[Anonymous]

He’s been making some bad choices (nothing that affects anyone other than him).

It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at electronic restrictions and we are not tech savvy.

He needs to be able to text parents (to coordinate drives to/from school).

Other than that, how do we prevent access to the phone, MacBook and home computer (computer is needed for school but we don’t want him to use it for anything else).

Do we need to buy a nonsmart phone?

There’s also another kid in the household who will still be allowed to maintain his devices.

Guys, what else is an appropriate consequence? He was looking up answers to homework and lied about it.

I love him to pieces; he has many good traits but he has always been prone to take the easy path (lazy when he doesn’t care about what he’s doing) and has always tried to lie his way out of trouble.

I honestly don’t think anything we do is going to get it through his head so he really understands the gravity of lying to cover up a problem. Over the years we’ve discussed integrity & morality, potential outside consequences like being kicked out of school/fired by a job, trouble with college applications; we’ve talked about the hit to reputation and credibility.

Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s been making some bad choices (nothing that affects anyone other than him).

It’s been awhile since I’ve looked at electronic restrictions and we are not tech savvy.

He needs to be able to text parents (to coordinate drives to/from school).

Other than that, how do we prevent access to the phone, MacBook and home computer (computer is needed for school but we don’t want him to use it for anything else).

Do we need to buy a nonsmart phone?

There’s also another kid in the household who will still be allowed to maintain his devices.

Guys, what else is an appropriate consequence? He was looking up answers to homework and lied about it.

I love him to pieces; he has many good traits but he has always been prone to take the easy path (lazy when he doesn’t care about what he’s doing) and has always tried to lie his way out of trouble.

I honestly don’t think anything we do is going to get it through his head so he really understands the gravity of lying to cover up a problem. Over the years we’ve discussed integrity & morality, potential outside consequences like being kicked out of school/fired by a job, trouble with college applications; we’ve talked about the hit to reputation and credibility.

Any advice?

Sorry, forgot to mention, he’s got ADHD (very low impulse control), dyscalculia, dysgraphia, a charming personality and an unfortunate penchant to view the classroom as an audience awaiting his comedic performance.

[Anonymous]

What grade is he in OP?
Are there social media accounts in play?
What device does he use for school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What grade is he in OP?
Are there social media accounts in play?
What device does he use for school?

9th grade.
He has some social media, but doesn’t seem particularly attached to those accounts. He mostly loves playing the Xbox while FaceTiming with friends he’s playing with.
He used MacBook for school.

[Anonymous]

Get the wristwatch phone with no apps. Everything else is only used while a trusted adult is supervising.
If you need to pass the kid and computer off to somebody else, give the supervising adult the password and don't get the kid the password to unlock the machine.

[Anonymous]

I would focus more on the why he did it rather than punishment.

Was he rushing to finish to do something else? Was it a thoughtless, impulsive decision? Do his meds need adjusting?

Did he not know how to do the assignment, either because he didn't understand the content or because the executive function demands were too high? Was he embarrassed to ask for help? Does he need more structured homework support?

Teens will find a way to get around any screen limits you set -- they are much smarter and tech savvy than we are. Instead, he needs the skills to do his homework without cheating.

[Anonymous]

Are you punishing him for looking up answers to homework? That’s it.

Do you know how many kids do this. Chat GPT is massive. Not saying it’s right but your response seems a little harsh here

[Anonymous]

1) Check out the Bark phone, gabb phone, pinwheel--all devices with stronger parental controls than most other electronic devices.

2) You can do a "white list" of acceptable websites on your home wifi (blocking all others.)

3) Our child's phone is locked down during school hours (bell to bell)-they have it only for commutes to/from school. We also have a fairly restricted set of apps on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Bark phone