Sibling applying, considering donation amount

[Anonymous]

Our oldest started 3rd grade this year at one of the more competitive admissions process schools. We've been thrilled with the school, and want her younger sister to attend from prekindergarten onward if possible. Our younger one will be applying to preK next year (in Fall 2026).

It sounds like our 3rd grader is doing well (her teachers have mentioned a few times how well things are going and what a positive addition she is to the class), which should hopefully help her sister's application (I think, at least?).

The school (like most, I presume) heavily encourages parent donations. We've received some mass emails and mailed communications about how we can donate, and there are numerous school events throughout the year where parents are encouraged to make an annual monetary donation to the school. We've also been contacted directly by the person who heads fundraising for the school asking for a meeting (we have that meeting scheduled in 3 weeks time).

We are decently charitable people, and we are happy to give something to the school, but we are sort of stuck on what the right number is. And more specifically, what number the school would want to more favorably look at our younger's application. And perhaps what number is too low that it would actually hurt our younger child's application.

My husband and I both have jobs that tend to have wide ranging income potentials, so I don't think the school can glean how well off (or not) we are from that. The only data they presumably have is that we pay full tuition and we bought our home two years ago for $2.7 million. We are financially comfortable, but not splashy rich by any means (we both work, we budget, we drive normal cars etc - and we now have to consider paying 2 large private school tuitions if our younger child gets in).

I apologize if this is a weird question and I do appreciate any answers, as we are totally new to the private school world.

[Anonymous]

Is there a campaign going on at your school? If so, and if you can afford to pledge $20K a year for 5 years to reach $100K, tell the advancement person when you meet them that this is your intention. Coming from a new family, this will make you stand out and, then yes, it might help with admissions. That $20K can be inclusive of all the "asks" - annual fund, school gala, capitol giving. Another benefit of doing this early is that you won't be subjected to all the annual solicitations for five years. If that level shocks you, it shouldn't. That's the standard ask at our school during a campaign for those living in $2.7M houses.

Anything less than that will matter less in admissions than having an applicant child that meets the admissions criteria -- and just being "good citizens" as parents by showing up to events, being respectful to faculty, staying informed, and having a rule-abiding child. Do participate in the annual fund at whatever the leadership society is, usually $2500, because that's what's expected. But it's not like the advancement director is sending over a list to admissions of families that didn't participate in annual giving yet. There wouldn't be any point to it for a family in their first year anyway. The admissions decisions will be released several months before the end of the fiscal year.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, that is very helpful. There is a campaign going on. A five year $20k/year pledge does shock me! You say this is a typical "ask" - is that simply the school's hope, or is this a common donation amount for someone like us? We were thinking more along the lines of a $2k-$5k donation. We can technically afford to give the school $20k/year, although that was not our plan, and is a material amount of money for us.

[Anonymous]

When you meet with the fundraising person, see if you can get a copy of the most recent annual report. That should give you an idea of what parents give. But honestly, unless you can afford to be one of the top donors, it’s not going to matter. A 2-5k gift is very generous and with that and the fact that your older kid is doing well, you should be in very good standing as a family (as long as you haven’t been PITA parents) which will give your younger child however much of a sibling bump you can get at that school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, that is very helpful. There is a campaign going on. A five year $20k/year pledge does shock me! You say this is a typical "ask" - is that simply the school's hope, or is this a common donation amount for someone like us? We were thinking more along the lines of a $2k-$5k donation. We can technically afford to give the school $20k/year, although that was not our plan, and is a material amount of money for us.

I agree with the poster who suggested the capital campaign pledge and amount. I do think that it is far better to do the pledge than to give piecemeal during various fundraisers throughout the year. I loathe all of those "opportunities for giving" - auctions, etc. I just give a large amount annually and call it done. The school knows they don't have to ask us, and that makes all of us happier.

[Anonymous]

Respectfully, you may want to have Jeff delete your post as ime it kind of gives too much personal info. Folks and school staff will know you - they won’t care about the content but will perhaps care a bit about too much public sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, that is very helpful. There is a campaign going on. A five year $20k/year pledge does shock me! You say this is a typical "ask" - is that simply the school's hope, or is this a common donation amount for someone like us? We were thinking more along the lines of a $2k-$5k donation. We can technically afford to give the school $20k/year, although that was not our plan, and is a material amount of money for us.

This is completely fine! Don’t stretch for $20K.

When you apply to schools, they ask for sibling information to gauge the pipeline. The school already knows you have another child and will likely apply. The more competitive schools do have strong sibling preference and since they have a PK class, it’s easy to tell which one is yours. The best thing your family can do is be involved in volunteering and don’t be a PITA.

I agree to ask Jeff to delete. Click “report” on your firsr post and explain that you shared too much identifiable info.

[Anonymous]

Go for $5k.

And I agree that you have a decent amount of personal info here that if someone from the school in question stumbled on, they might be able to figure out who you are, so consider deleting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our oldest started 3rd grade this year at one of the more competitive admissions process schools. We've been thrilled with the school, and want her younger sister to attend from prekindergarten onward if possible. Our younger one will be applying to preK next year (in Fall 2026).

It sounds like our 3rd grader is doing well (her teachers have mentioned a few times how well things are going and what a positive addition she is to the class), which should hopefully help her sister's application (I think, at least?).

The school (like most, I presume) heavily encourages parent donations. We've received some mass emails and mailed communications about how we can donate, and there are numerous school events throughout the year where parents are encouraged to make an annual monetary donation to the school. We've also been contacted directly by the person who heads fundraising for the school asking for a meeting (we have that meeting scheduled in 3 weeks time).

We are decently charitable people, and we are happy to give something to the school, but we are sort of stuck on what the right number is. And more specifically, what number the school would want to more favorably look at our younger's application. And perhaps what number is too low that it would actually hurt our younger child's application.

My husband and I both have jobs that tend to have wide ranging income potentials, so I don't think the school can glean how well off (or not) we are from that. The only data they presumably have is that we pay full tuition and we bought our home two years ago for $2.7 million. We are financially comfortable, but not splashy rich by any means (we both work, we budget, we drive normal cars etc - and we now have to consider paying 2 large private school tuitions if our younger child gets in).

I apologize if this is a weird question and I do appreciate any answers, as we are totally new to the private school world.

Not a weird question. Look at the annual report and specifically the buckets they consider the highest. The one that usually comes with dinner is what you should target - it will be called honor donation or SomeNamed Society donation. One of our schools is 5k the other is 7500. That’s about the ballpark to hit. We donate enough to get into those circles every year because we still have 2 kids to go.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]When you meet with the fundraising person, see if you can get a copy of the most recent annual report. That should give you an idea of what parents give. But honestly, unless you can afford to be one of the top donors, it’s not going to matter. A 2-5k gift is very generous and with that and the fact that your older kid is doing well, you should be in very good standing as a family (as long as you haven’t been PITA parents) which will give your younger child however much of a sibling bump you can get at that school. [/quote]

These are publicly available. Google it.

[Anonymous]

At our school, being invited for a 1:1 meeting with the head of development is unusual and would suggest that they have you pegged for a considerable donation. Can you figure out if such a meeting is common at your school/extended to all new families?

At my school, not giving at all would be a negative and donating 5 figures would be a positive, and anything in the middle wouldn't be noticed one way or another.

[Anonymous]

I would say 20-30k is the right amount. Also a multi-year donation will help.

Anything in the 2-5k range won’t really help. Of you get into the 20’s, then the development office may “notice” you. Schools want good families and families that donate. There is need for new buildings, projects, and they also donors to help with financial aid for the kids that can’t pay in full but they want at the school.

Even if you donate, your kid should be able to stand on their own merits and be a competitive candidate. Your kid will get an advantage over a “new” family or a family that need financial aid, but it may not be as much as you think…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say 20-30k is the right amount. Also a multi-year donation will help.

Anything in the 2-5k range won’t really help. Of you get into the 20’s, then the development office may “notice” you. Schools want good families and families that donate. There is need for new buildings, projects, and they also donors to help with financial aid for the kids that can’t pay in full but they want at the school.

Even if you donate, your kid should be able to stand on their own merits and be a competitive candidate. Your kid will get an advantage over a “new” family or a family that need financial aid, but it may not be as much as you think…

Seems kind of desperate. What is donation history over the past few years? Would this year’s donation look strange?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say 20-30k is the right amount. Also a multi-year donation will help.

Anything in the 2-5k range won’t really help. Of you get into the 20’s, then the development office may “notice” you. Schools want good families and families that donate. There is need for new buildings, projects, and they also donors to help with financial aid for the kids that can’t pay in full but they want at the school.

Even if you donate, your kid should be able to stand on their own merits and be a competitive candidate. Your kid will get an advantage over a “new” family or a family that need financial aid, but it may not be as much as you think…

Seems kind of desperate. What is donation history over the past few years? Would this year’s donation look strange?

Go with a smaller one this year if it is your first year at the school and a larger one next year, when the sibling is applying. If this is your first year at the school, a large donation looks a bit silly.

[Anonymous]

I don't know about "silly." There are a lot of new families for the development staff to get to know quickly. They're probably reaching out to get to know lots of parents, and are trying to identify those that maybe have philanthropic capacity, experience with independent schools, and maybe some past board service.

I'd just ask about the goals of the campaign and the community's progress towards them. They'll do the rest of the talking. If you can do what they ask (which could just be an extra generous annual fund gift this year), you've made their jobs easy for them. And if you have a genuine interest in some kind of volunteer role outside the parents association, ask about those for sometime in the future (but don't push). They now have two reasons to love you, and they will let the Head know. That's all you need to do. No need to be obvious about a future application, which would seem transactional.