Was I in the wrong? Skipped HH for person I didn't know.

[Anonymous]

I work on a ‘team’ with about 25 people. About half are in the same area and the other half are in multiple locations around the country. We don’t actually work together much (think along the lines of an HR team where each person supports a different business group). Even those in the office don’t interact (my boss sits on a different floor and I see him in person maybe once every two weeks).

A member of the team was leaving, and a goodbye happy hour was planned. I had never met or worked with this person and declined the invite. I ran into my boss after the event took place and had an odd interaction:

Boss: Aren’t you usually in on Wednesdays? I looked for you last week and didn’t see you.
Me: Yes, I am in every Wednesday, did you come by my office, I may have stepped out for lunch? [I thought this was odd because boss never swings by my office and we have our meetings in his office]
Boss: No, I meant Larla’s happy hour, it would’ve been great for you to come if you were free, I really like the team to get to know each other.

Was I in the wrong here? I am relatively new to the company (less than a year), but I felt odd going to celebrate someone I’d never met or spoken to. FWIW, in the time I’ve been at the company, we had one team lunch which I attended and no one seemed to know each other well at all.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the boss wants to use these occasions for the team to get to know each other in person when there is a chance. At least where I have worked, no one would fault you for not showing as my office understands people have lives or work interferes and they can't always attend everything. But, it sounds like this boss has put you on notice that if you are able to attend you should in an effort to build some team spirit. Although, I personally think singling people out is not the way to do this. Instead, bosses should announce and encourage people to attend (and make it easy like have the event at lunch or 4 pm instead of after work).

[Anonymous]

Yes, you were in the wrong. You should have known that it's always potentially useful to get to know your colleagues better, especially in an office where there isn't much interaction.

It's not a grave mistake at all. But just an error in judgement that you won't make again.

[Anonymous]

Not in the wrong. Maybe go to the next one for 30 minutes. If boss wanted staff to go, s/he should have written an email saying it would be a good opportunity to get all staff together, or something like that: "Let's all get together and wish Larla a fond goodbye."

[Anonymous]

Yes in the wrong. Not a big deal, but you should make a bit of an effort to get to know your colleagues. Just popping in for 25 minutes would do the trick.

[Anonymous]

Now you know your boss prefers you to attend these things. Personally I would’ve gone to try to build relationships with my colleagues. You never know when that can pay off, and just generally, knowing people a bit is nice.

[Anonymous]

Attendance at company "forced fun" events is mandatory. Also, did you get the memo about the new cover page on the TPS reports?

[Anonymous]

What you did wrong was to assume it was ok to skip instead of checking in with colleagues about the office climate for these sorts of things. Had you done that, you may have known that you should pop in for a minute. I don't think you needed to assume you should have gone - until now because now you know the expectation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in the wrong. Maybe go to the next one for 30 minutes. If boss wanted staff to go, s/he should have written an email saying it would be a good opportunity to get all staff together, or something like that: "Let's all get together and wish Larla a fond goodbye."

I think my confusion was there is nothing that’s taken place thus far that shows the culture of the team is getting together / being social with one another.

We had one other lunch in the time I’ve been there: of the local people, half showed up. I approached someone sitting alone who said they’d been at the company for three years, and that person didn’t know the name of another attendee who I later learned had been there even longer. The lunch was also held in the office in a room with lots of small tables, so the full group couldn’t even eat together. If I were the boss, I’d take everyone to a restaurant or at least arrange it so everyone had a meal at the same table.

[Anonymous]

You aren't in the wrong, but you are bad at office politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you did wrong was to assume it was ok to skip instead of checking in with colleagues about the office climate for these sorts of things. Had you done that, you may have known that you should pop in for a minute. I don't think you needed to assume you should have gone - until now because now you know the expectation.

Yes, I do now I guess. I’m not even sure who I would ask. It’s hard to explain the dynamic: at prior jobs, I knew plenty of people, but here no one seems interested in interacting with me or each other. Just very odd.

[Anonymous]

There's a value to putting in face time. I recently went to a happy hour for 20 minutes. I chatted with over half a dozen people, and then left. Two days after that one of the people I chatted with who works in IT approached me about making a program I use easier and asked if I wanted to be in the Beta group. That wouldn't have happened had I not put in the face time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you did wrong was to assume it was ok to skip instead of checking in with colleagues about the office climate for these sorts of things. Had you done that, you may have known that you should pop in for a minute. I don't think you needed to assume you should have gone - until now because now you know the expectation.

Yes, I do now I guess. I’m not even sure who I would ask. It’s hard to explain the dynamic: at prior jobs, I knew plenty of people, but here no one seems interested in interacting with me or each other. Just very odd.

Nobody is interested in interacting with you because ... YOU DON'T GO TO THINGS LIKE HAPPY HOURS!

[Anonymous]

It was bad form not to attend a farewell event.

[Anonymous]

You should have gone, not interacting often is no excuse.

I hope your resume is up to date.