How to help 3rd grader adjust to high standards

[Anonymous]

DD9 switched to a private school this fall. At the public, there was no graded work. On the rare occasions she got a math sheet back, there was a sticker on it and GREAT JOB! and it wasn't corrected, but I saw she got everything correct. English work was not corrected.

The private school has a more traditional curriculum with graded work. There is an online system that gives the percentage grade for each subject. DD knows now that she got 22/24 on a social studies quiz or 8/10 on a grammar worksheet, and her overall grades are 85-95. How do I help a child who is used to being ungraded or otherwise A+ student at the top of her class to losing marks for things like underlining the whole word instead of the first letter on a capitalization worksheet, or losing a point for giving only one part of a two part question? All of her work is now marked up by a very conscientious teacher - she circles the blank where DD didn't write her last name (though she doesn't dock points for this!), writes "Don't rush!" at the top, marks up spelling errors, marks where she failed to place a period even on assignments that are not grammar/punctuation assignments.

My questions are 1) how do I help DD meet the higher expectations and 2) how do I help her remain confident, ensure she continues to see herself as a top/strong student? Thus far she is still really excited to learn and grow, but is often discouraged when her work loses points.

[Anonymous]

The other thing she is struggling with is that she has very messy handwriting compared to her peers, who have been at the private school since K and 1st. Public elementary had her mostly doing iPad work and did not give feedback for messy writing. DD now writes more carefully (like lining numbers up properly for math problems), but she still struggles. Even when she doesn't rush her writing, her handwriting just isn't as neat as they expect for 3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

Definitely help her understand that her teachers are marking up her work to help her learn to spot her own mistakes — particularly the instances you note where corrections are made but points are not docked. This is *feedback* not punitive correction. It’s a level of personal attention and attention to detail that means teachers CARE about helping her improve rather than not having the time/capability to provide that level of attention for every student. Especially *good* students, who can often skate by as “good enough” on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely help her understand that her teachers are marking up her work to help her learn to spot her own mistakes — particularly the instances you note where corrections are made but points are not docked. This is *feedback* not punitive correction. It’s a level of personal attention and attention to detail that means teachers CARE about helping her improve rather than not having the time/capability to provide that level of attention for every student. Especially *good* students, who can often skate by as “good enough” on their own.

That is true! I think it’s hard for her to see feedback as uncritical. She may be a perfectionist though I never thought of her that way because she seems goofy and carefree but conscientious. It is important for her to learn to receive feedback and revise.

[Anonymous]

Trust her! She will rise to the occasion.

I moved my kids from really low-standard schools where their teachers thought they were geniuses to high-standard schools, and it took them a month or two but they really stepped up to meet their classmates. Their handwriting also got much better!

[Anonymous]

4th grade private school teacher weighing in here...
1) Allow time for her to adjust to the new expectations. She will rise to the occassion.

2) Focus on progress and the process of learning. This is the time to make mistakes and learn from them.

3) Students should be using proper grammar, complete sentences, etc. when writing an answer/explanation for ANY subject. The mentality that these things are just for writing class is why kids do not consistently use these skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other thing she is struggling with is that she has very messy handwriting compared to her peers, who have been at the private school since K and 1st. Public elementary had her mostly doing iPad work and did not give feedback for messy writing. DD now writes more carefully (like lining numbers up properly for math problems), but she still struggles. Even when she doesn't rush her writing, her handwriting just isn't as neat as they expect for 3rd grade.

Use larger boxed graph paper to help line up problems. Grab a handwriting practice pad and do a letter a day, making sure she forms them correctly. So some help at home until she catches up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other thing she is struggling with is that she has very messy handwriting compared to her peers, who have been at the private school since K and 1st. Public elementary had her mostly doing iPad work and did not give feedback for messy writing. DD now writes more carefully (like lining numbers up properly for math problems), but she still struggles. Even when she doesn't rush her writing, her handwriting just isn't as neat as they expect for 3rd grade.

Use larger boxed graph paper to help line up problems. Grab a handwriting practice pad and do a letter a day, making sure she forms them correctly. So some help at home until she catches up

+1

Also, while it’s almost certainly due to lack of practice, if she continues to really struggle you could have her evaluated for dysgraphia.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she reads instructions carefully e.g., underline only the first letter, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure she reads instructions carefully e.g., underline only the first letter, etc.

One of my kids is in her second year at private lower school and still struggles with this. In public there is a strong tendency to give kids the benefit of the doubt in order to keep grades high (for good reasons like knowing kids come from varying family backgrounds and bad ones like making schools look good). In private they often focus much more on high expectations and teaching kids how to do well with rigorous standards.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread just makes me sad for what is being lost in what should be the magic of childhood. As a 35+ year educator in both elementary school and college, I can say with confidence that these so called "high expectations" and "rigor" are not producing what you are hoping.

[Anonymous]

Good grief PP, there can be magic in childhood along with age appropriate expectations. I love that our K-8 school had expectations. School is for learning and reading directions is part of learning… even for my DC with dyslexia and ADHD. I am grateful for teachers who hold DC accountable.
And FWIW, we had higher expectations when I was in a K-8 school and I love learning and had a great childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good grief PP, there can be magic in childhood along with age appropriate expectations. I love that our K-8 school had expectations. School is for learning and reading directions is part of learning… even for my DC with dyslexia and ADHD. I am grateful for teachers who hold DC accountable.
And FWIW, we had higher expectations when I was in a K-8 school and I love learning and had a great childhood.

A 30 year educator expresses dismay at the prevalence and desire (from many parents) for "higher expectations" and you glean from that expression that this educator wants no expectations or accountability to read directions? And that folks, is all that is wrong with our country right now - the assumption of extremes.

[Anonymous]

Have a designated homework time and place where homework gets done. Nothing else gets planned for this time. No other obligations to the family. If she's done with homework or has no homework, she reads. She still puts in the time. For example: at her desk, in her room from 5-6pm. Or 5 - 7pm with two 20 minute breaks. Wherever/whenever - you need to determine it and stick to it, keeping it consistent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a designated homework time and place where homework gets done. Nothing else gets planned for this time. No other obligations to the family. If she's done with homework or has no homework, she reads. She still puts in the time. For example: at her desk, in her room from 5-6pm. Or 5 - 7pm with two 20 minute breaks. Wherever/whenever - you need to determine it and stick to it, keeping it consistent.

As an adult, or even as a college student, if you finish the work your doing at home do you still sit at your desk just to use up some arbitrary designated time you've set for yourself? Why does a 3rd grader need to "put in the time"? Didn't they already "put in the time" at school? Face it, homework is overtime. Having a designated space and time to engage in this overtime is fine. Forcing them to sit there even if their finished is stupid. Let them go outside once they finish or simply do whatever they want within the boundaries of your family values.