Has anyone done this (DC-Boston “commute”)?

[Anonymous]

Long term fed lawyer (mid-50’s) here. I have an offer at a firm in Boston and live in DMV. We have one kid in college and one who will graduate HS in 2027. She is in a special ed school and pulling her out is absolutely not an option. My whole family who I am very close to is in the Boston area and I grew up there, so we would make a permanent move in 2027. 3 days per week in-office requirement so I could theoretically be home every weekend, or I could try to negotiate one week on, one week off. I’m just trying to figure out how stressful this would be for 1.5 years. Job is a good career move - will be similar pay for a year or two but then there is partner possibility. Firm is large but not “big law” so there is reasonable work-life balance but 1900 billables.

Has anyone done this kind of arrangement? Is the short term pain worth the long term payoff? We would love to be near my family and community. We don’t have much of one here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long term fed lawyer (mid-50’s) here. I have an offer at a firm in Boston and live in DMV. We have one kid in college and one who will graduate HS in 2027. She is in a special ed school and pulling her out is absolutely not an option. My whole family who I am very close to is in the Boston area and I grew up there, so we would make a permanent move in 2027. 3 days per week in-office requirement so I could theoretically be home every weekend, or I could try to negotiate one week on, one week off. I’m just trying to figure out how stressful this would be for 1.5 years. Job is a good career move - will be similar pay for a year or two but then there is partner possibility. Firm is large but not “big law” so there is reasonable work-life balance but 1900 billables.

Has anyone done this kind of arrangement? Is the short term pain worth the long term payoff? We would love to be near my family and community. We don’t have much of one here.

This decision is very personal, so my opinion seems moot here. But would do it. It’s less than 2 years, you could see family while you were in town and there seems to be a good balance between being home and in office. You never know when something like this will come up again so I’d take the opportunity while it’s here. You can make anything work for a temporary period of time.

[Anonymous]

Seems like it’s worth it if you actually plan to move there in a year or two. Instead of coming home every weekend, have your wife and kid come once a month. You can go back the other weekends. DC to Boston is a quick flight when there are no delays

[Anonymous]

I would also do it. If you are going to be working long hours, you might also consider commuting back every other weekend. Either stay with family or rent a temp place in Boston for commuters until you move your family there.

I travel to Boston frequently and there are often flight delays to DC/BWI. Last time I took the train and there was work being done on the track which resulted in significant delays (I don’t take the train often so am not sure how common this is), to the point they sent everyone a voucher. It’s just unpredictable with travel, so I’d say plan for what is ideal for you and family but know that you need a back up plan/place to stay in case transportation doesn’t work out.

If it were me, I’d try to negotiate the one week on and one week off for those 1.5 years to minimize travel. It will govern you more time for your family or work and less time commuting each week.

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar position (posted about it a while back actually) except with NYC. If I get the job (in final round interviews now), I’ll be commuting up for 2.5 days per week and plan to rent a studio. It’s hard but it’s what we need for stability (financially and kid in school)

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation when I had an offer with $150K more in pay. After consulting with friends who commute between NYC and DC, I decided to stay where I am. Ultimately, it’s a personal decision, but I just couldn’t handle that commute every week. You might be able to negotiate more flexible in-office terms for the first 1.5 years? In my case, the work arrangement wasn’t negotiable — I’m required to be in the office three days a week.

[Anonymous]

If your partner can handle being alone with your child and is also on board with the permanent move, go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like it’s worth it if you actually plan to move there in a year or two. Instead of coming home every weekend, have your wife and kid come once a month. You can go back the other weekends. DC to Boston is a quick flight when there are no delays

I’m the wife. But yes husband and kids would definitely come often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your partner can handle being alone with your child and is also on board with the permanent move, go.

Agree with this. I posted to the other recent thread. My dad was working in other cities for 3-4 years of my sister's childhood. I went to college after the first year. We didn't move the first year because I was a high school senior. But we shopped for houses. Then that employer unexpectedly lost a contract so my dad found a different job. Then my mom didn't want to move away from her family (we had deliberately moved to them when I was in middle school).

It was workable. It didn't change the relationships between any of the people. It did create some stress between my parents but my dad came home enough that we managed (weekends, holidays, medical appts).

Did you ever have periods of physical separation from your spouse while dating? I did. We had two school years where we were hours apart and could only see each other in person on a rare occasion. Things still worked out.

Also discuss that both of you will likely feel like the person who is doing more work to support this new arrangement. The Washington-based spouse because of managing the house and kid. And the traveling spouse because of logistics, travel plan interruptions, etc. Just discuss ahead of time how to argue fairly or address unmet needs related to the move.

Honestly it sounds like a great opportunity for a "repositioning cruise" to create your Boston retirement. I would do it, based on my family's experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your partner can handle being alone with your child and is also on board with the permanent move, go.

Jr and Sr year are intense. Is DH prepared to be there for HW, college apps, etc? DC might have extracurriculars and a job?

[Anonymous]

Boston apartment rentals are pretty high.

[Anonymous]

Then, you have to add in flights home.

[Anonymous]

Do it. Get a studio in Boston for 1.5 years. Be the one doing the commute. The next 1.5 years are important for your kid's college process, commuting to you is not ideal, even if it's once a month. Live cheaply in Boston and be the one doing the commute regularly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your partner can handle being alone with your child and is also on board with the permanent move, go.

Jr and Sr year are intense. Is DH prepared to be there for HW, college apps, etc? DC might have extracurriculars and a job?

Oh please. Jr and Sr years are only as “intense” as you make them.

I’d do this—if your husband is fully signed on. It sounds like a smart move.

[Anonymous]

HW and college apps can be worked on through video calls and file sharing. Just like remote work.