How do you discipline “tone” and talking back?

[Anonymous]

My kid is pretty respectful to adults but he has a tendency to have a certain huffy “tone” with me when he doesn’t get his way. What’s the best way to discipline?

[Anonymous]

Tell him you are the boss of him.
Talking back is such an authoritarian attitude.

[Anonymous]

We started talking about rude voices and rude attitudes really young. I think in pre-k we would say "can you think of a nicer way to say that?" whenever she said something with a rude bent to it. Now DD is in 1st grade and trying out a lot of sassy/sarcastic deliveries; I told her "that was rude" and she said "Mom, it's called sarcasm!" and I had to explain that, yes, sarcasm is a rude way to speak to people. All the "cool" kids on TV shows are sarcastic brats and she was not reading their behavior as wrong or bad.

As far as punishments, we haven't gotten to that point. She is still easily corrected at this age.

[Anonymous]

Tell him the beatings will continue until morale improves

[Anonymous]

Tell him you the boss you can call him skipper

[Anonymous]

I just tell them to watch their attitudes and that usually takes care of it. They know I don’t put up with that crap.

[Anonymous]

We talk about it a lot. My youngest is 9 and has a lot of attitude. He's the sweetest kid, so it's a strange dichotomy. I call him on it jokingly anytime he isn't actually upset. When he is upset, I usually tread lightly and make it clear that I'm listening to him, but he can't speak to me that way. I find he usually just isn't listening to how he sounds.

[Anonymous]

Keep your voice light and say: why don’t you try that again.

[Anonymous]

With my 12yo, all I have to do is give him a pointed look and say "excuse me?" That's enough for him.

For my DD, it's a combination of "Why don't you try that again" or "I'll be happy to hear what you have to say when you're able to speak to me in a respectful way" and then I stop engaging until she turns things around. I've also told her "speaking to me like that isn't going to get you what you want; you can be upset about my decision but you can't be rude."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you the boss you can call him skipper

I like this! I’m doing all this now. I remind him I’m in charge and make him try again until he gets it right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your voice light and say: why don’t you try that again.

This worked for me. But I usually said why, like "you are using an aggressive tone of voice, and that's not the best way to get what you want. Try again please"

My mom never taught me the expectations, just punished me for getting it wrong. So I might go a little overboard on making sure my kids know what they're doing wrong and how to fix it before I pop off.

[Anonymous]

I consistently correct it but sometimes I also validate that he is feeling grumpy.

[Anonymous]

I say you don’t talk to me like that as many times as necessary, sometimes I say I don’t talk to you like that if it’s excessive. I’m Southern and can’t not say something if my kid is disrespectful to me. It helps if you start when they are young and rarely yell.

[Anonymous]

"I'd be happy to listen to what you have to say if you say it again in a kinder (or quieter) tone." This usually does it unless they are very fired up about something. If they are just being sarcastic and it sounds like imitating TV kids, I say "stop using your TV voice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We started talking about rude voices and rude attitudes really young. I think in pre-k we would say "can you think of a nicer way to say that?" whenever she said something with a rude bent to it. Now DD is in 1st grade and trying out a lot of sassy/sarcastic deliveries; I told her "that was rude" and she said "Mom, it's called sarcasm!" and I had to explain that, yes, sarcasm is a rude way to speak to people. All the "cool" kids on TV shows are sarcastic brats and she was not reading their behavior as wrong or bad.

As far as punishments, we haven't gotten to that point. She is still easily corrected at this age.

You can share with her the origins of the word sarcasm. That was eye opening for me. Greek: to tear the flesh.