3YO with Selective Hearing
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Anonymous
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DD turned 3 recently, and we’ve noticed that she often just does not respond to us when we ask her a question. It seems pretty clear that she hears us and is just choosing not to respond. How do I know? I’ll ask her a basic question multiple times (ex: do you want water or milk to drink) and receive no response. Then I’ll supply a “silly” answer to my own question (ex: ok, I’ll give you coffee!), and she’ll immediately respond by laughing and saying “no, Mommy!” Then she’ll finally answer the original question. This occurs multiple times throughout the day and gets exhausting.
I have two questions: (1) Have others dealt with this/how unusual is this? (She is our oldest so we don’t have a lot of experience with this age.) (2) What is the best way of helping DD understand that she needs to answer when we ask her a question? |
Anonymous
| Mine did this and just kinda stopped. She’s 5 now. I even had her hearing checked! I started looking her in the face when asking her and ensuring no other distractions (like the tv being on). |
Anonymous
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I can't answer your question - I don't know how common this is. My 6 yo DD is like this, and she has an ASD diagnosis. The fact that she is often in her own world is one of the factors that contributed to the diagnosis.
I certainly wouldn't assume based on just this that your child has ASD or any other neurodevelopmental condition, but if you have noticed other issues (like long meltdowns and repetitive play and/or repetitive behaviors) it might be worth exploring further (e.g. doing a free Child Find screening, discussing with pediatrician, consulting with a psychologist). If there is an issue, a diagnosis can be really helpful. |
Anonymous
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Super common. I don’t know a kid who didn’t do this.
Your silly answer is great. Or you can just go over and touch her lightly to get her attention. But generally ask fewer questions- if she were really thirsty she would answer you. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn’t worry too much about this if I were you - - it sounds like she is just going through a stage now.
Thankfully she doesn’t appear to have any hearing issues! 👍🏽 |
Anonymous
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I would sit down with her and some dolls or stuffed animals and act out the scenario. Have the mama bear ask a question and the baby not answer, then have the mama say to herself, I feel like I’m being ignored and that hurts my feelings. She needs to understand why it’s not okay to ignore people, because she’s too young to consider that. Teach her directly.
Then if she doesn’t answer you the next time, walk over and interrupt her by telling her to look right at you and answer. She will realize that answering the first time will be easier for her. Or, call her over to you and interrupt her that way, so she has to put down her toy and come over. She will not like that, either. You can also ask once, and if you are sure she heard you, you decide and stick with it. She knows you are going to keep asking right now, so there is no cost to her right now. When you want to change a behavior, the child needs to understand the behavior, which you explain with the stuffed animals, and then there needs to be a cost to the unwanted behavior. Also, when she does answer the first time, you praise her and occasionally reinforce that positive behavior by saying something along the lines of that since she’s gotten so good at answering the first time, you have more free time to take her to the park or play a game with her or whatever. |
Anonymous
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I have two kids who were very different from each other in personality as toddlers and preschoolers.
One thing that worked well for us from the beginning, is moving them away from the distraction. So, if my kid was playing, and I asked them a question, and I didn't get an answer, I would call them to me, and we'd walk together into the next room where I'd ask the question again. It wasn't presented as "you're in trouble", just as "I need your undivided attention", although we also used it for good things, or to redirect behavior as well. When they were really little, I reinforced the heck out of the behavior of coming to me when I called. I'd be cooking in the kitchen, they'd be playing on the floor in the family space that was adjacent and I'd call them to me and do something they liked like letting them taste something yummy, or telling them I was done cooking and it was time to go to the park, or just give them a cuddle. I was also very clear that not coming wasn't a choice. It was one of the few things that would lead to time out. They're teenagers, and it's still one of my go to strategies. I remove them from the distraction by changing their location for a moment. |
Anonymous
If you ask "do you want milk" and don't get an answer don't ask again. Put nothing on the table and if she asks just say "I didn't know you wanted milk". |
Anonymous
| Sounds pretty common, but i would still get hearing checked out. Can't hurt. |
Anonymous
yup, I wouldn't ask her 3 times. She is used to having her ask multiple times, so you are training her to ignore and then answer when you are really frustrated, louder, etc. Do go up to her if she is in the middle of something and touch her. Otherwise, call her name, ask the question, and no answer means no. |