Family friends, issued with kid friendship.

[Anonymous]

We have been close to a family since my kids were about 2 years old. We both have a summer house out of state together on the same road and go for the entire summer. The boys have grown up together and considered each other one of their best friends. They are in the same peer group at school consisting of about a dozen boys plus or minus others as classes and sports teams change every year.

Over the past 2-3 years I’ve found the other family to be a little annoying with how they handle social things with my child. I’m the first person to say they should have other close friendships and really encourage that for my own child but every year they zero in on another child and throw it in my child’s face for lack of a better way to explain it. Over the summer on 3-4 occasions I organized a playdate with this child and the mom would show up with another boy in tow and then they would leave together for a sleepover and tell my child about it. My own son had a pretty mature attitude about it saying “I don’t really care that John is sleeping over at Georges but I wish they didn’t tell me” Every year this kid zeroes in on one child in their greater class, goes really deep for about a year, then has some sort of falling out and moves on the next one and keeps going back to my son. The parents don’t put as much energy into my own son as they are ALL in on this chosen kid for the year and do things like what I mentioned above. Would you say something to the mom?

My DH’s point of view is that my son is fine and just back off slowly from the family. They are in 4th grade.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my son has a lot of other friends too so it doesn’t really impact him, I just find this thing mean after it’s happened with multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

How old are these kids? You make it sound like this is a very old friendship but the parents are organizing and showing up for playdates at the summer houses that are on the same road? Are these kids 5 or 11? Age matters a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids? You make it sound like this is a very old friendship but the parents are organizing and showing up for playdates at the summer houses that are on the same road? Are these kids 5 or 11? Age matters a lot.

Nevermind I see 4th grade but this organizing and showing up for the playdates seems very odd for that age. That's what parents of preschoolers do which is why this seems so odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids? You make it sound like this is a very old friendship but the parents are organizing and showing up for playdates at the summer houses that are on the same road? Are these kids 5 or 11? Age matters a lot.

Nevermind I see 4th grade but this organizing and showing up for the playdates seems very odd for that age. That's what parents of preschoolers do which is why this seems so odd.

Well this happened when we met at our country club. At 9 I still organize the playdates except with neighbors he can walk to because I have to drive him. He has a watch so even if he discusses with a friend I need to approve it with our schedule unless it’s someone within a few blocks. Most people I know discuss sleepovers and drop offs at someone’s house with other parents in elementary school. my kids would be inviting kids over all day every day if I left it up to them and I need to confirm with the parents. I hope you’re not just dropping your 8 year old at someone’s house across town because the kid mentioned they could come over

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. And it’s okay for your son to say to the kid exactly what you quoted him as saying about the sleepovers to the friend.

[Anonymous]

Don't back off slowly, back off quickly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are these kids? You make it sound like this is a very old friendship but the parents are organizing and showing up for playdates at the summer houses that are on the same road? Are these kids 5 or 11? Age matters a lot.

I’m talking about a scenario in our normal neighborhood- houses are about 2 miles apart so not walkable. This scenario happened when we met at the country club.