If grandparents offered to pay for private would you take it?

[Anonymous]

In laws are offering to pay for our two kids to go to private as they are concerned with where things stand with the current education system. We have a rising Kindergartener next year and one in preschool now. I am all for smaller class sizes and opportunities that private schools provide, but DH nor I attended private school. We are not poor by any means, but we do not drive fancy cars and live in a townhouse in NOVA. We both work full time and can't attend lot of the extra curriculars and parent events that I am being told there are. I feel like we are not going to fit in socially and won't have much in common with the other parents, but I care more about their education than anything. Would love some input from anyone in our situation.

[Anonymous]

You will be fine. We are in the same situation and you won't be the only one. Take the generous gift and say thank you. Don't stress about the rest.

[Anonymous]

We decided against it. I think it depends on the grandparents. In our case, we were concerned that the “gift” would come at the price of the grandparent believing it would give them rights to make/ weigh in on other parenting decisions

[Anonymous]

Nah, I don’t like free money.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it was great. Go visit some private schools near you and see what you think. There are more families like yours (not high income, with grandparents paying tuition) than you might expect.

[Anonymous]

Of course you should. Go take a tour and see what you could be missing out on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be fine. We are in the same situation and you won't be the only one. Take the generous gift and say thank you. Don't stress about the rest.

+1.

(And you can get crazy shows of wealth in public schools too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In laws are offering to pay for our two kids to go to private as they are concerned with where things stand with the current education system. We have a rising Kindergartener next year and one in preschool now. I am all for smaller class sizes and opportunities that private schools provide, but DH nor I attended private school. We are not poor by any means, but we do not drive fancy cars and live in a townhouse in NOVA. We both work full time and can't attend lot of the extra curriculars and parent events that I am being told there are. I feel like we are not going to fit in socially and won't have much in common with the other parents, but I care more about their education than anything. Would love some input from anyone in our situation.

Honestly, I'd ask if you can save that offer til middle school.

[Anonymous]

We sent to private during Covid and went back to public after. There are pros and cons of each but we preferred our pretty good but not tippy top public (not DMV area), even though money was not an issue for us (and we also care about academics over any other educational priority). I would be cautious about (1) assuming private will be "better"; (2) whether any strings might be attached to the gift; and (3) if they are really prepared to pay this tuition for 12 years. (And do you plan on more kids)?

In the best case scenario, you could try public school, and if it doesn't work out, switch to private then, but I'm not sure if the offer would still stand.

In the meantime, I agree with the advice to tour schools - both your zoned option and various privates.

[Anonymous]

^ PS- hopefully this should go without saying, but make sure DH is the one having the actual conversations about this with his parents!

[Anonymous]

I'd look at your options. What are conditions like at your public school? Do you think your child will do well there? Tour your likely private school options. What kind of vibe do you get? Do the extras seem worth it? Which school feels like you'd have the best lines of communication with teachers and administration? And yes, as you say, do you think you'd fit in with the community (don't assume, try to find out).

Then, go with your gut about where you think your child will do best. If it doesn't meet your expectations you can change schools for 1st grade.

And, if you do end up in public and grandparents still want to be generous, a year or two's worth of tuition invested now will be a great foundation for college tuition later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd look at your options. What are conditions like at your public school? Do you think your child will do well there? Tour your likely private school options. What kind of vibe do you get? Do the extras seem worth it? Which school feels like you'd have the best lines of communication with teachers and administration? And yes, as you say, do you think you'd fit in with the community (don't assume, try to find out).

Then, go with your gut about where you think your child will do best. If it doesn't meet your expectations you can change schools for 1st grade.

And, if you do end up in public and grandparents still want to be generous, a year or two's worth of tuition invested now will be a great foundation for college tuition later.

A good private will fill up for kindergarten and may not have spots in 1st. If you think you will go private, try getting in for kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

If you have a quirky kid, shy, needs help in that way private is a good option. You'll find the school packed with those who feel like their kid couldn't hang in a public. Then there is a rich cohort that couldn't imagine not going to private some smart some meh. If you have a mainstream kid public will be the best bet and is real world training.

[Anonymous]

OP, the decision needs to be from you & DH. You want private. This decision can not be because your inlaws are concerned. Whatever that means. If you & DH want private, accept the money. If you are this clueless about schools, don't accept the money. If you're not insulting to them, they'd likely still be able to pay beginning a later year, if by then you have changed your mind. .

Btw, parents are often trying to give-away their money. That's a good thing. As long as no strings attached. What I'm disappointed in is you being clueless re: schools and your opinion about them - or I'm disappointed you just want "cover", that the private school decision is because of your inlaws.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents paid for my education through law school. My parents offered to pay for my kids, but I make substantially more than they do, so I told them to save it for their retirement. I will gladly pay for my grandkids. Being able to give your family the gift of a great education is a win/win.