Friends outside of school

[Anonymous]

My 13 yo ds with ADHD has very few friends who text or call. He seems happy and talks about friends at school. He’s an only child and we do a lot with him. Is this unusual? It worries me.

[Anonymous]

My autistic child never had friends outside school once she aged out of parent planned playdates. Years when she had someone to eat with at lunch were our successful years.

Even my NT kid doesn't see friends outside of school (although I think he texts with them).

[Anonymous]

All they need is one or two. I have twins so I can tell you there is a range. One in general has more friends than the other- but they are both more social in school than what the phone traffic shows.

[Anonymous]

My son does not have friends outside of school/school activities. However, I don't think he necessarily needs more socializing. His robotics team meets six days a week, and he seems to get along with those kids during meetings. I think that is enough for him.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. You're better off without the texting, and kids don't call anymore. Let it be. This is not unusual for boys, whether NT or ND.

[Anonymous]

Not unusual for boys, whether NT or ND. My friends with social, more NT boys, only started independently reaching out to friends in 8th grade. And they were the social ones. I have other friends with NT boys who socialize outside of school in MS, but it's more a function of other factors - like helicopter parent who still plans everything, or neighborhood boys that don't really need organizing, or even older male siblings who have friends around.

I think the more important questions are: (1) is he happy; and (2) does he have any friends at school. If #1 and #2 are met, you're golden and can stay out of it. If #1 is met, but not #2, you're still probably fine but may want to keep an eye on things, and gently see if you can help without being pushy.