Living in the same house?

[Anonymous]

Spouse has been refusing to accept that he has been cheating. I know as I saw his car in front of his APs apt in addition to several other signs. I have voice recordings which I don’t intend to use (wish I don’t have them and was ignorant). I want to confront him finally and what to plan an amicable divorce. We will need to live in the same house as we have one kid in the house. I am just dreading thinking how unpleasant it would be…he will never ever confess. Should I look into getting a PI to get a clearer evidence and make it easy? I don’t have any family around

[Anonymous]

You've already posted about this. Why do you so badly need him to admit it? You need to work on that weird hang-up.

You should divorce, but you should do it right.

Divorce is about preserving economic stability, or salvaging as much of it as possible. Does he have a lot more money than you? Then it's going to be very important that you get as much financial information as possible about his accounts before he knows you're interested.

Which means do not tell him about your divorce plans before you are completely ready (ie, have copied all the info you need, and given it to your lawyer).

And then he gets served the divorce papers.

Once you're separated, you can tell everyone he cheated on you, if you want. People usually believe that.

[Anonymous]

OP again: am I weird in that I still care? I thought I didn’t until I realized something adverse happened at his work..

Thanks though-this is very sane advise! I tend to get emotional and want to talk even though I know it won’t lead anywhere. Regarding telling everyone, I guess I won’t as it will affect my kids eventually-I will do my best to keep from them.

I struggle with this as I am hoping for an out of court mediation to protect the kids, and maintain a cordial relation

[Anonymous]

If you plan to separate and divorce then get your stuff in order and just go ahead and file. In most cases adultery won’t matter in court.
If you’re planning to stick it out for your kids and stay then what good is it going to do to confront him when you say he’s just going to deny it? Keep in mind he could be the one to pull the plug while you’re unprepared.
Kids should only be told what is strictly necessary on an age-appropriate basis. No bad-mouthing your spouse no matter how great the temptation.

[Anonymous]

What state? In VA fault will be helpful - at a bare minimum, your separation period is only 6 months.

Yes, get photos and proof