No one to go to homecoming with

[Anonymous]

My wonderful son would LOVE to go to homecoming. He he super shy and doesn't really have any friends. He talks to people, but doesn't hang out outside of school with anyone.

He went to one middle school dance with a girl and enjoyed it. 8th grade he could not find anyone to go with.

What can I do if anything? I've suggested he just ask some people what their plans are - but he won't do that.

[Anonymous]

Is he a freshman, OP?

[Anonymous]

Does he want you to be involved? You can reach out to friends and neighbors to find him a date, but only if he wants you to. Sometimes kids from other schools/private schools would be interested, especially if their school doesn't have a HC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a freshman, OP?

Yes. He is a Freshman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wonderful son would LOVE to go to homecoming. He he super shy and doesn't really have any friends. He talks to people, but doesn't hang out outside of school with anyone.

He went to one middle school dance with a girl and enjoyed it. 8th grade he could not find anyone to go with.

What can I do if anything? I've suggested he just ask some people what their plans are - but he won't do that.

If he's unwilling to ask people what their plans are (without insinuating that he would like to be included), there isn't much you can do. He knows that he doesn't need to go with kids from his school, right? He can still go to his HoCo with friends that go to other schools, or kids he knows from his ECs.

[Anonymous]

None of my teens, or their close friends, are interested in social events organized by their high school, Homecoming included. They do their own thing in much smaller groups. Right now they're organizing and costuming their own Halloween bash.

Please let him know that a lot of kids are like this now. Homecoming attendance is not make or break. I'm sorry he's disappointed about not finding anyone to go with, but if he's anxious about his "social standing" in high school, reassure him that it does not hinge on those sorts of events.

[Anonymous]

He could try going alone and possibly run into people he knows? My shy kid did this in both 7th and 8th grade. Chatted a bit with kids he knew from classes, but didn’t stay long. He mostly just wanted the experience. His high school hasn’t had a dance yet this year, so no idea what he’ll do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wonderful son would LOVE to go to homecoming. He he super shy and doesn't really have any friends. He talks to people, but doesn't hang out outside of school with anyone.

He went to one middle school dance with a girl and enjoyed it. 8th grade he could not find anyone to go with.

What can I do if anything? I've suggested he just ask some people what their plans are - but he won't do that.

Hire an escort?

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing you can do if he won’t ask. Leave him alone and don’t worry about it. He just won’t go.

[Anonymous]

You can not solve this. His desire to go will have to get bigger than his desire to indulge his shyness and then he get friends and ask them. Maybe next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing you can do if he won’t ask. Leave him alone and don’t worry about it. He just won’t go.

I agree that after making suggestions, if he doesn't take OP's advice, then you have to let it go.

But, as a parent, I do worry about my kid's happiness, especially if they don't have good friends to hang out with.

My DS was like this from MS to 9th grade. It was hard for him. He was a late bloomer and was not athletic, so he didn't fit in with most of the groups. He had a glowup sophomore year during covid. He got to know some kids at his HS more via discord playing computer games. Also, we got him an iphone which enabled people to add him to the imessage group chats. Apparently, it was a pain to try to keep people with android on group chats. So, then he started to go to more group meet ups.

Long story short, DS got a GF junior year. He's now in college and having so much fun. But, he had to learn to put himself out there in college, too.

GL to your son, OP. It's painful to watch, I know.

[Anonymous]

There really isn’t anything you can do to “help” with this, OP. Just be supportive and encouraging.

IME it takes some boys a little more time in HS to find their “tribe” or to work up the courage to date. And it isn’t- necessarily- always the worst thing.

My DS is a junior and only recently seems to be coming out of his shell a bit more (making more friends, showing more interest in girls). I was worried about him when he was freshman. He is doing well- just seemed to start blooming a little later than some. Freshman boys are all over the place in terms of maturity and interests.

I’d encourage him to put himself out there socially a bit more. But make sure you don’t push- if anything, that can make things worse (thinking you are possibly disappointed or think he is abnormal).

[Anonymous]

This is where I wish parents encouraged their kids to include other kids like your son. Huge groups...surely one more kid would be fine!!

Be kind, folks!!! Teach your kids to welcome others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s nothing you can do if he won’t ask. Leave him alone and don’t worry about it. He just won’t go.

This.

[Anonymous]

I teach at a girl's school, and the trend in the past few years has been to move away from inviting dates to homecoming. When I first started here, 80% of the girls who came brought dates. Now it's flipped and probably 20% of the girls bring dates, the other girls come in groups or by themselves, and have a great time.

I have no idea what the norm is for boys, but it's a major shift.