Reference letter from teachers

[Anonymous]

I have an autistic son. He is in a big public high school, straight As, but no social life all. We are fine with it and don’t have higher expectation. As long as he can get into a state college, get a STEM degree and have a job, that’s successful.

At this time he wants to apply for an internship. It requires a reference letter from a STEM teacher. So, my son wrote an email to his math teacher from last year’s class. After a whole week, he didn’t hear back. I assume that means the teacher doesn’t want. I read his email and felt very awkward. His tone, you know, is not like asking for a favor. Instead, it sounds like instructing the teacher without any emotion. Besides, another reason may be: the teacher didn’t have personal interaction with him and doesn’t want to refer. It’s not a surprise. There is no way for him to have small talks with any teacher or classmate. That’s not what an autism kid can do. He is always quiet as if he were not there.

But it really upset me. This is just a summer intern. I can’t imagine how he can get recommendation letters when he applies for college. Even if a straight A student, no teacher would do it for him.

Although normally this is student’s job, shall I get involved in this case and how? No any teacher knows he is autism. But I don’t think they will write a letter just because I tell them this issue. I would appreciate if anyone has experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an autistic son. He is in a big public high school, straight As, but no social life all. We are fine with it and don’t have higher expectation. As long as he can get into a state college, get a STEM degree and have a job, that’s successful.

At this time he wants to apply for an internship. It requires a reference letter from a STEM teacher. So, my son wrote an email to his math teacher from last year’s class. After a whole week, he didn’t hear back. I assume that means the teacher doesn’t want. I read his email and felt very awkward. His tone, you know, is not like asking for a favor. Instead, it sounds like instructing the teacher without any emotion. Besides, another reason may be: the teacher didn’t have personal interaction with him and doesn’t want to refer. It’s not a surprise. There is no way for him to have small talks with any teacher or classmate. That’s not what an autism kid can do. He is always quiet as if he were not there.

But it really upset me. This is just a summer intern. I can’t imagine how he can get recommendation letters when he applies for college. Even if a straight A student, no teacher would do it for him.

Although normally this is student’s job, shall I get involved in this case and how? No any teacher knows he is autism. But I don’t think they will write a letter just because I tell them this issue. I would appreciate if anyone has experience.

Why do you think this, who told you that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Why do you think this, who told you that?

That’s what we saw for years. He doesn’t talk at home either unless there is need. And yes, when he has to talk, he sounds like a robot giving instructions to others, no matter what. We have tried many ways when he was little, and gave up now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why do you think this, who told you that?

That’s what we saw for years. He doesn’t talk at home either unless there is need. And yes, when he has to talk, he sounds like a robot giving instructions to others, no matter what. We have tried many ways when he was little, and gave up now.

If you’ve given then how do you expect him to get through college?

[Anonymous]

He needs to be taught how to ask someone for a favor. Can you get him coaching or therapy for more social skills that will help him navigate life?

[Anonymous]

Yes, guide him on it. Has he ever had any therapy for social skills? Are there any strategies he’s learned along the way about how to approach people or his tone? Help him write the request while explaining why people will perceive it differently.

Does he have a resume or brag sheet? Have him list his accomplishments and extracurriculars so the teacher has something to add to their letter to make it more personal.

It’s so early in the school year - the teacher may have just been busy and forgot, or didn’t realize you needed it so quickly.

[Anonymous]

A week is nothing in a busy school schedule. Send another request with brag sheet attached, reminding teacher of grades, how DS liked the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why do you think this, who told you that?

That’s what we saw for years. He doesn’t talk at home either unless there is need. And yes, when he has to talk, he sounds like a robot giving instructions to others, no matter what. We have tried many ways when he was little, and gave up now.

If you’ve given then how do you expect him to get through college?

Because he is naturally academically good. For example 2 years in advance in math.

[Anonymous]

My first guess is the teacher is swamped. Many are. Reach out again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to be taught how to ask someone for a favor. Can you get him coaching or therapy for more social skills that will help him navigate life?

He had therapies and IEP when he was little. Later he was evaluated as no need any more. However, I feel that he got much worse since puberty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, guide him on it. Has he ever had any therapy for social skills? Are there any strategies he’s learned along the way about how to approach people or his tone? Help him write the request while explaining why people will perceive it differently.

Does he have a resume or brag sheet? Have him list his accomplishments and extracurriculars so the teacher has something to add to their letter to make it more personal.

It’s so early in the school year - the teacher may have just been busy and forgot, or didn’t realize you needed it so quickly.

He had therapies when he was younger. But he doesn’t want now.

No, he has nothing except for going to classes, no club, no sports, no band, no friends. Never participate in any school activity.

[Anonymous]

I read the autism subreddit a bunch and people on there will use ChatGPT to provide feedback on stuff like that.

My son is this way too. Hard to teach social skills when there is absolutely no interest there.

[Anonymous]

Request an IEP, clearly he needs it.

[Anonymous]

When my son needed references, I helped him draft the emails to the teachers. It would have been great if he could have done it himself but he couldn’t. Maybe try that with your son. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, guide him on it. Has he ever had any therapy for social skills? Are there any strategies he’s learned along the way about how to approach people or his tone? Help him write the request while explaining why people will perceive it differently.

Does he have a resume or brag sheet? Have him list his accomplishments and extracurriculars so the teacher has something to add to their letter to make it more personal.

It’s so early in the school year - the teacher may have just been busy and forgot, or didn’t realize you needed it so quickly.

He had therapies when he was younger. But he doesn’t want now.

No, he has nothing except for going to classes, no club, no sports, no band, no friends. Never participate in any school activity.

Even if he doesn’t have school activities, what does he do for fun? To help the family? What is he good at? Volunteering with religious group or completing chores at home, is he creative, does he learn quickly, a fast typer, attention to detail, teaching himself a skill or computer program. What about things he did for SSL hours, if that’s required.