So frustrated!

[Anonymous]

This is mostly a vent.

I work on a major project that is a partnership with another organization. As our biggest deadline approaches, it has become clear that the partner team is in shambles. My input on a key deliverable was ignored for several weeks and the head of the partner org's team wrote this week to essentially say that they could not accommodate my most important point. I replied reminding him that we had asked this several weeks ago and pointing out how we could relatively easily include the input. He took me off the email chain and wrote to my boss and boss's boss (both initially in cc on the email) to complain that I'm not being "helpful" and and that I'm acting as if the request is a "non-negotiable." My email was collaborative, pointed toward a solution, kept a positive tone, etc.

My boss is bcc:ing me in the responses now, to push back on the substance of the partner's request, and I know she has my back. But I am SO frustrated that the accusations toward me just sit unaddressed, as if I am being an uncooperative brat. This guy has been making a huge mess for the past few weeks that I have been trying to clean up, while my boss and boss's boss have both been on leave and asked not to be disturbed. I know his response is a defense mechanism to delays on their side, but I hate that there is an email chain with my superiors where a partner is bad mouthing me. It also irks me to no end that he has taken me off the chain to essentially complain about me.

I know this is small potatoes to some of you. But it's maddening to me. ARGHHH!!! Yelling into the void!

[Anonymous]

Your boss who "had your back" should have added you back to the chain as a cc, not a bcc. Nice that they looped you in and demonstrated that she wasn't going to throw you under the bus or anything. Can you go to your boss and say thank you for her keeping you apprised and her efforts to help keep the project on track but say you are uncomfortable with the way you are being characterized by this guy and ask that the she correct the record?

[Anonymous]

OP, this happens all the time. Someone doesn't get their way and they complain behind the person's back. Doesn't make it right, but people want to get their own way.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you both. You are both right. This does happen all the time and although I'm grateful for my boss looping me in, it would mean much more if she just cc:ed me. I will speak with her tomorrow to short circuit this nonsense.

Thank you for these helpful thoughts.