Son's driving getting worse (ADHD)

[Anonymous]

My son has his license (obtained it recently). He was doing great, but recently has had issues with inattention/speeding when driving. He has fairly severe ADHD and is medicated. He doesn't drive alone too often (one of us usually needs to take the car back for further use as we share 2 cars among 4 people). I am considering not allowing him to drive alone ever for the time being, but feel horrible about that.

Has anyone else experienced this and what have you done?

[Anonymous]

I think you have to do what you have to do to keep him and everyone else safe. Yes, it's hard. Stay strong.

[Anonymous]

I think that’s reasonable but can you give him some way to demonstrate he’s ready?

For example tell him that for now most of the time your answer is going to be no for driving alone - but you’ll use life 360 to evaluate how often he is speeding or braking hard and if that shows you he’s doing well, you’ll give him more chances — until it shows again he can’t be trusted. Basically take it out of “your” hands and use the tech to set clear milestones that will show you that he’s ready. And then you can be on his side of brainstorming solutions with him that will help him meet those milestones

[Anonymous]

For an unconventional solution (only if he is committed to improving) could he switch to a slow car with a manual transmission? It's harder to zone out or be unaware of speed when you need to be shifting gears. Look at speeds for older Mazda Miatas or the Nissan Versa, Mitsubishi Mirage, or Subaru Crosstrek.

[Anonymous]

We had the same experience and we did not allow our child to drive for three years. At that point, he had matured and was more self aware and we thought he was ready. Bottom line for us was this. If my child, whom we knew was not a safe driver, hurt someone else because we had allowed him to drive, I would have had a hard time living with myself.

[Anonymous]

Some questions, how do you know what he’s doing? Are you observing this behavior yourself or tracking on Life360? How fast is the speeding? All of this matters.

60 in a 55 is different than 75 in a 55.
Those risky drive alerts don’t always mean anything.

This is why the answers are important.

Obviously, you restrict his driving if he’s being unsafe. My son got a ticket and was very restricted until he proved he had the maturity and trust to drive more again. It was small trips as needed with us and then gradually more and more over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some questions, how do you know what he’s doing? Are you observing this behavior yourself or tracking on Life360? How fast is the speeding? All of this matters.

60 in a 55 is different than 75 in a 55.
Those risky drive alerts don’t always mean anything.

OP said an adult is often with him, so the behavior is probably observed in neighborhoods near OP's home. 30-35 in a 25 is a bigger problem than 65 in a 55. OP what does your DS think about his own driving?

[Anonymous]

How old is he? My DS and his pediatrician discussed driving, and after that DS decided not to get a license until he's 20. I thought 18 would be fine, but I'm not going to force it.

His brain will mature, just more slowly.

That said, when was the last time his medication was adjusted? Maybe he needs a higher dose now? They change fast at this age.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you keep driving with him for a while. It's much better than having him cause an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son has his license (obtained it recently). He was doing great, but recently has had issues with inattention/speeding when driving. He has fairly severe ADHD and is medicated. He doesn't drive alone too often (one of us usually needs to take the car back for further use as we share 2 cars among 4 people). I am considering not allowing him to drive alone ever for the time being, but feel horrible about that.

Has anyone else experienced this and what have you done?

You go back to basics and get him more driver training/practice, either with you or sign him up for lessons. Explain that he will have to work back up to driving independently as skills improve.

Also talk with his doctor since meds don't appear to be working well; perhaps they need adjusting.

[Anonymous]

Imagine if he seriously injures or kills someone else or himself and how you would wish you had stopped him driving. If he’s not able to be safe, then he’s not ready.

[Anonymous]

We did not let my inattentive son drive by himself until he was 20, and even then, it was a very short and easy drive to his summer job. He cannot take ADHD meds anymore - he tried them all, hit max dosage in the one that worked the best, but can't bear the side effects anymore. So the problem is that he's driving unmedicated and inattentive. He scraped a Whole Foods garage pillar once, and bumped another car at very low speed once (no damage or injuries). It scared the heck out of him, and he was always very anxious and serious when he needed to take the car this summer. If he doesn't absolutely have to, he never drives. Right now he uses public transportation to attend college abroad.

These kids need to be mindful of their fatigue level, their distractions in the car (no phone, no conversation), and the state of the road. My son is very uncomfortable driving at night and in the city, where there are way too many distractions.

There's no magic solution, OP. I was pinning my hopes on self-driving cars, but it doesn't look like they'll be fully functional any time soon.