How to help navigate friend shifts in 3rd grade

[Anonymous]

I have an 8yo DD who just started third grade. One of her closest friends started being mean to her and started to ignore her. The girls started doing an activity together this summer and we carpooled and girls would often hang out, go out to eat, etc. The other girl has done this activity her whole life and it is her main activity. DD only started this summer but has gotten really good and is almost at the same level as the friend. I can’t be certain but I think it annoys the friend that my DD caught up so quickly and may even get better. They are still young so being better isn’t even that good.

I know the mom fairly well. Do I say something? Just let my child navigate. My child who has essentially come home happy every day of her school life is coming home with teary eyes. The mom and I are not exactly friends but we also have older kids who go to the same school. I know her older child likes my older child a lot.

[Anonymous]

I say no, because it's unlikely the mom can influence the at-school behavior of her child.

I think you need to counsel your daughter regarding positive actions or ignoring/distancing behaviors that may help to reduce the impact on your daughter. I think if you speak simply, you can share your suspicions about the motive. It might help your daughter to understand or just to start figuring out why her friend is lashing out.

At most, regarding the other mom, you could share a one-liner like "the kids seem to be struggling to be friendly this month".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say no, because it's unlikely the mom can influence the at-school behavior of her child.

I think you need to counsel your daughter regarding positive actions or ignoring/distancing behaviors that may help to reduce the impact on your daughter. I think if you speak simply, you can share your suspicions about the motive. It might help your daughter to understand or just to start figuring out why her friend is lashing out.

At most, regarding the other mom, you could share a one-liner like "the kids seem to be struggling to be friendly this month".

I tried to encourage other friendships. There is a new girl in her class she seems to get along with and I said we can have a play date with another friend.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing to do. Your daughter needs to branch out and make new friends. And the theory about the activity is just that…I would not say this to your daughter. You have no idea why the other girl is less interested in being friends with your daughter

[Anonymous]

No, do not say anything. This is the age where kids become very aware of friendships and some kids care about their social stock. Encourage your daughter to move on.

[Anonymous]

Help your daughter make new friends while saying very little about this current friend. Ask her who she’d like to have over for a playdate and invite them. Ask 2-3 kids over in the coming weeks. See who clicks, then ask again. You may need to do all the hosting for a bit. That’s ok! It will help her see there are other friend options out there besides Mean Friend.

And even if none of these play dates lead to never ending friendship, that’s ok too. My DD had some social upheaval in 3rd grade, but then she found her pack and it’s been great.