MIL is cheating and I don’t want to know

[Anonymous]

DH and I are visiting MIL who lives with BIL and his family in a few weeks. She has been divorced from FIL for 40 years. She is separated but not divorcing her current husband who is in a nursing home. FIL is married to a wonderful woman who is very kind to him. He married her two decades after he divorced MIL.

MIL and FIL are cheating. At least MIL considers it an affair (not sure about the physical part as FIL is disabled but emotional). It’s enough of a problem that it hurts SMIL. I don’t know if SFIL knows because we have never discussed it.

Last time we saw her, she kept trying to get me to take her side and justify the affair. I kept trying to bring DH and BIL into the conversation and MIL took that as rejection and pouted that I wouldn’t share girl time with her without including her sons.

We are visiting again soon and I am dreading it. DH claims he will sit with her more and I told him that if he and BIL leave me with her and she starts this again, I’m leaving.

Is that the best course of action? Any other ideas? I don’t want to be involved in this situation and certainly don’t want to take sides.

She also keeps asking me for money but I decline over and over. I’m handling that like a broken record but so far it’s working. Yes, I know DH isn’t giving her money. That’s why she comes to me.

[Anonymous]

Too complicated to follow.

[Anonymous]

Get off your high horse. They are separated. It’s not cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get off your high horse. They are separated. It’s not cheating.

I took it to understand that MIL and FIL who previously divorced, are now cheating on their current spouses with each other.

[Anonymous]

Broken record is the way to go on the cheating as well. "MIL, I do not want to hear about FIL." Over and over, flat tone.

I don't know why you agree to your DH and BIL leaving you with her. Next time they leave, go out for a walk shortly before they do. Prep in advance so you can slip out the door as they're getting their shoes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get off your high horse. They are separated. It’s not cheating.

FIL is married, not separated.

[Anonymous]

You have to stop struggling to be polite or gracious when someone else is being rude or gross with you. Put your manners aside!

“ pout, pout, oooh you won’t do girl time with me”…. You respond, I don’t do girl time. Say it directly, boldly, look her in the eye.

She keeps trying to describe her extramarital sex life…You respond. You need to stop now. I don’t want to hear it. ..or better that image is really disturbing.

She asks for money. Your response, we have told you no X times. Answer is not changing ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get off your high horse. They are separated. It’s not cheating.

FIL is married, not separated.

Then why is the title "MIL is cheating"? It sounds like the issue is that FIL is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Let me see if I got this correct.

Your husbands parents both remarried but are now seeing each other?

If so, my parents did this. Very embarrassing & inappropriate. However, not my business to say anything.

OP since these are not your parents I would absolutely not entertain any convos on it.
This is your husband’s issue to triage.

[Anonymous]

What’s a SFIL? That short for syphilis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s a SFIL? That short for syphilis?

Step Father In Law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to stop struggling to be polite or gracious when someone else is being rude or gross with you. Put your manners aside!

“ pout, pout, oooh you won’t do girl time with me”…. You respond, I don’t do girl time. Say it directly, boldly, look her in the eye.

She keeps trying to describe her extramarital sex life…You respond. You need to stop now. I don’t want to hear it. ..or better that image is really disturbing.

She asks for money. Your response, we have told you no X times. Answer is not changing ever.

Thanks for this. Trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s a SFIL? That short for syphilis?

Maybe it will be!

[Anonymous]

Tell everyone involved it’s their business and you don’t want to hear about it or get involved. It’s not rocket science OP Your family sounds stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell everyone involved it’s their business and you don’t want to hear about it or get involved. It’s not rocket science OP Your family sounds stupid.

They are ILs.