Cost of independent executor -- lawyer says mom can't afford it

[Anonymous]

There's a lot of family drama around my mom and her estate documents. I don't know exact amounts because she won't disclose, but it's about $1-1.2M assets and about $200K in house equity. So ballpark $1.2-1.4M today.

She's single and has 4 children. I always do everything for the family, but after my dad died (they'd been divorced 40 years) I put my foot down and told her I didn't want to be her executor because I don't want to deal with two siblings. They never help with anything, and I don't need or want any money. It was huge and hard for me, and I felt like a weight came off me.

Now, she's crying and can't manage siblings, and I told her to hire an independent executor. She got very angry at me and told me her lawyer said she can't afford an independent executor. I find this very hard to believe. How much would it cost a lawyer? I mean even if it cost $100-200K there would still be plenty left. An associate could work full time for a year at that price. Even if her estate was half that, it would still cover it. What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot of family drama around my mom and her estate documents. I don't know exact amounts because she won't disclose, but it's about $1-1.2M assets and about $200K in house equity. So ballpark $1.2-1.4M today.

She's single and has 4 children. I always do everything for the family, but after my dad died (they'd been divorced 40 years) I put my foot down and told her I didn't want to be her executor because I don't want to deal with two siblings. They never help with anything, and I don't need or want any money. It was huge and hard for me, and I felt like a weight came off me.

Now, she's crying and can't manage siblings, and I told her to hire an independent executor. She got very angry at me and told me her lawyer said she can't afford an independent executor. I find this very hard to believe. How much would it cost a lawyer? I mean even if it cost $100-200K there would still be plenty left. An associate could work full time for a year at that price. Even if her estate was half that, it would still cover it. What am I missing?

Lawyers are like $500 an hour.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't have to be hard if she makes her will very clear. The real issue is whether the $1.4m will be enough for her end-of-life care.

[Anonymous]

Your mother might be lying to you. They cost between 1-5% of the estate, usually, or have hourly arrangements.

[Anonymous]

You missed that she wants you to deal with your siblings. Feel free to continue saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot of family drama around my mom and her estate documents. I don't know exact amounts because she won't disclose, but it's about $1-1.2M assets and about $200K in house equity. So ballpark $1.2-1.4M today.

She's single and has 4 children. I always do everything for the family, but after my dad died (they'd been divorced 40 years) I put my foot down and told her I didn't want to be her executor because I don't want to deal with two siblings. They never help with anything, and I don't need or want any money. It was huge and hard for me, and I felt like a weight came off me.

Now, she's crying and can't manage siblings, and I told her to hire an independent executor. She got very angry at me and told me her lawyer said she can't afford an independent executor. I find this very hard to believe. How much would it cost a lawyer? I mean even if it cost $100-200K there would still be plenty left. An associate could work full time for a year at that price. Even if her estate was half that, it would still cover it. What am I missing?

Lawyers are like $500 an hour.

Her lawyer is, I believe, a mother/daughter firm in VA. I don't think my mom paid $500 for help. She'd probably faint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You missed that she wants you to deal with your siblings. Feel free to continue saying no.

Yeaaah. I have the feeling everyone is protesting about me saying no.

[Anonymous]

Someone is not adding up. How much is her current lawyer siphoning off? She might not have the assets you think she has. Also, depending on the health issues she develops, all that money might disappear!

[Anonymous]

^ something, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Of ALL her issues, I really don't think choosing an executor is at the top of the list.

Feel free to ignore, since you don't care about the money.

[Anonymous]

It IS hard. My parent's estate was straightforward but dealing with the funeral home, filing paperwork, hiring and paying the attorney, paying and cancelling their bills, insurance, auctioning furniture, selling car, selling the house, etc. was a huge PITA. It took me at least a month+ of full-time work spread over several months to deal with everything. I can't believe our society hasn't simplified the process for normal non-DCUM smart people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone is not adding up. How much is her current lawyer siphoning off? She might not have the assets you think she has. Also, depending on the health issues she develops, all that money might disappear!

Well, the lawyer isn't managing anything, so nothing untoward yet. Just helped her draft documents and provide counsel. I could be wrong about the assets. But, I know she got a $1M settlement from her last husband, and she's made money since then, or stayed even. I understand it may be used up, which is fine by me. I'm the one who will be footing the extra if it comes to that.

[Anonymous]

Why not call or email a bunch of law offices and ask for an estimate for executing a will? It's a way of helping that does not involve your siblings.

I also find it hard to believe she can't afford it. Sounds like a knee jerk reaction to not getting her way with you.

But no matter what keep your foot down. It sounds like the sibling fruit didn't fall far from the mom tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not call or email a bunch of law offices and ask for an estimate for executing a will? It's a way of helping that does not involve your siblings.

I also find it hard to believe she can't afford it. Sounds like a knee jerk reaction to not getting her way with you.

But no matter what keep your foot down. It sounds like the sibling fruit didn't fall far from the mom tree.

Yeah, I suppose I should hit my lawyer up. I can feel myself weakening, but I really want to stay strong. I did all the work for my dad's care and I live on the opposite coast. My brother didn't see him for 5 years, and he's a two-hour car ride away. I've been taking care of everyone my entire life and I'm finally done.

[Anonymous]

I support your being firm, OP, but I also think it would be okay if you agreed to be executor and then just ... didn't do it. Your mom will be gone. Nobody can make you serve. But in the meanwhile you could avoid the tears and stress.

If you go this route, see if your mom can come up with a really good alternate who can "help you" when the time comes.