People who eventually "go back home"

[Anonymous]

I've noticed this in the federal sector and also at large companies based in company towns, that quite a few people I've worked with over the years will spend a decade or two living and working in a city, raising their kids there, finding good friends, building a life and then... they go "back home." I guess they move back to their hometowns where relatives still live?

I'm kind of intrigued by this because I was raised in a cookie-cutter suburb my parents chose mostly because of the good schools and proximity to transportation into the nearby major city where they worked. It was and still is a utilitarian bedroom community that people move to for a purpose, and there really isn't anything outstanding about it-- still good schools and medical care-- or significant features (beautiful scenery, a deep rich history, beaches nearby, gorgeous homes families may want to hold on to, farmland, etc). So, I really don't think I'd go "back home" permanently, drag my spouse and kids there (my kids' "home" is where we live now, where they've gone to school, where their close friends are, and where they are cultivating childhood memories) other than to visit a few elderly relatives in the vicinity including my parents. And once they all pass away, I really have no business there. I don't even know where I'd work there if I wanted move my family to that area.

So, what ultimately brings people "back home"? Maybe both spouses have to be from that same place, and that's the main prerequisite? Do most of these folks just move around so much over 20 years they really don't call anywhere home other than where they first launched from (a hometown where some relatives may live)?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in New England in a town that does offer beautiful scenery, a deep rich history, beaches and mountains nearby, and a strong sense of place. DH and I moved here - not to my home town but nearby - after our kids launched because we like all of these attributes as well as the weather. Our kids love visiting and in fact, our DC who is teleworking from here this week joined us after he finished work for a picnic dinner on the beach.

I feel so much happier living here than I did in DC, as does DH. We feel contented.

That's why we moved "home."

[Anonymous]

Who knows? Everyone has their own reasons, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I do wonder if it’s a product of being second or third generation American and descended from ancestors who left their country because life was so miserable there, they they never went back. Maybe the idea of a “hometown” where you still have deep roots is mostly for those who have a history there? My grandparents were very attached to their ethic neighborhood. They never left, not even briefly for work. My parents left that neighborhood wanting a stand-alone house in a nice suburb where everyone came from somewhere else and then retired to Florida if they didn’t stay there. I had a nice childhood there but all my friends are gone or scattered throughout the region. I don’t feel I could happily restart a life there if I even wanted to.

I guess hearing others talk about “home” just gets me thinking because at this point, home is where my spouse and kids are whether it he DC or Idaho or Key Largo or Fairbanks, Alaska. But others have a real sense of physical place and exactly where they want to or need to be.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don’t have a deep attachment there so it makes sense you don’t understand people who move back to where they grew up.

My DH, kids, and I enjoy my hometown: the people are down to earth and friendly. They are not career-obsessed and don’t manically rush around, unlike here. I like its vibe, it’s affordable, unique shops, food, things to do, and the nostalgia. I guess the city describes me pretty well and so I would live to move back there if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don’t have a deep attachment there so it makes sense you don’t understand people who move back to where they grew up.

My DH, kids, and I enjoy my hometown: the people are down to earth and friendly. They are not career-obsessed and don’t manically rush around, unlike here. I like its vibe, it’s affordable, unique shops, food, things to do, and the nostalgia. I guess the city describes me pretty well and so I would live to move back there if needed.

love, not live, to move back there

[Anonymous]

My home town is Paris. I have lived in many different countries, in cities and country towns, and lately in the DC area. I have no desire to move back to Paris. I would love a home in a beautiful nature setting.

[Anonymous]

I will get flamed for judging at all, but I only judged in my 20s when someone moved here for like, two years, got married, and then moved back. Like on SATC how they judged women who quit working once they got married. None of my business but it made it clear they were only here to get their MRS. degree from some GOP congressman's office lol.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to move somewhere as an adult and start fresh. On a holiday weekend we have no one to make plans with. Everyone is with family or their close-knit friend group that they've had for years. If we moved back to my hometown we'd have a big festive family group to hang with but as it is its just us.

[Anonymous]

My big fat Greek wedding. They didn't move back to Greece but lived on the same street maybe even as next door neighbors. The next generation didn't move away but continued to live on the same street as the older generations.

[Anonymous]

So, I am from “here,” so yeah, I know what you are talking about exactly, and I have seen a lot of people do it. I don’t know. I guess I hold my breath when getting to know people to wait and see if they will actually become long-termers?

[Anonymous]

If I have to go back home to my Midwest suburb from my west coast city, it will be because my surviving parent cannot afford to relocate here. They will eventually require the oversight of someone who is closer than a days’ worth of travel away. My hope is that it will not be until my child is in college so that they don’t have to grow up there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in the federal sector and also at large companies based in company towns, that quite a few people I've worked with over the years will spend a decade or two living and working in a city, raising their kids there, finding good friends, building a life and then... they go "back home." I guess they move back to their hometowns where relatives still live?

I'm kind of intrigued by this because I was raised in a cookie-cutter suburb my parents chose mostly because of the good schools and proximity to transportation into the nearby major city where they worked. It was and still is a utilitarian bedroom community that people move to for a purpose, and there really isn't anything outstanding about it-- still good schools and medical care-- or significant features (beautiful scenery, a deep rich history, beaches nearby, gorgeous homes families may want to hold on to, farmland, etc). So, I really don't think I'd go "back home" permanently, drag my spouse and kids there (my kids' "home" is where we live now, where they've gone to school, where their close friends are, and where they are cultivating childhood memories) other than to visit a few elderly relatives in the vicinity including my parents. And once they all pass away, I really have no business there. I don't even know where I'd work there if I wanted move my family to that area.

So, what ultimately brings people "back home"? Maybe both spouses have to be from that same place, and that's the main prerequisite? Do most of these folks just move around so much over 20 years they really don't call anywhere home other than where they first launched from (a hometown where some relatives may live)?

Some people did not grow up in 'the architecture of nowhere' like you did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed this in the federal sector and also at large companies based in company towns, that quite a few people I've worked with over the years will spend a decade or two living and working in a city, raising their kids there, finding good friends, building a life and then... they go "back home." I guess they move back to their hometowns where relatives still live?

I'm kind of intrigued by this because I was raised in a cookie-cutter suburb my parents chose mostly because of the good schools and proximity to transportation into the nearby major city where they worked. It was and still is a utilitarian bedroom community that people move to for a purpose, and there really isn't anything outstanding about it-- still good schools and medical care-- or significant features (beautiful scenery, a deep rich history, beaches nearby, gorgeous homes families may want to hold on to, farmland, etc). So, I really don't think I'd go "back home" permanently, drag my spouse and kids there (my kids' "home" is where we live now, where they've gone to school, where their close friends are, and where they are cultivating childhood memories) other than to visit a few elderly relatives in the vicinity including my parents. And once they all pass away, I really have no business there. I don't even know where I'd work there if I wanted move my family to that area.

So, what ultimately brings people "back home"? Maybe both spouses have to be from that same place, and that's the main prerequisite? Do most of these folks just move around so much over 20 years they really don't call anywhere home other than where they first launched from (a hometown where some relatives may live)?

It's not that deep. It is about community and connectedness.

[Anonymous]

I don't think of where I grew up as "home" anymore, but we are thinking of a move that would bring us much closer (within two hours, as opposed to 8 hours) from where DH grew up. I do think to some degree this is about "returning home." However, I see a lot of good reasons for it. We'd like to be closer to his parents as they age, as they have fewer resources and less help than my parents. We like the culture there, the cost of living is much more reasonable than the DMV without sacrificing much in terms of lifestyle (slightly less cosmopolitan city, but because our money would go further, we'd be able to take advantage of more than we can here and also travel more generally).

I also think after 20+ years living far from both our families, we both are kind of craving more permanence. DC never feels permanent. We've lost very good friends to foreign postings and moves to other cities for work. So much turnover among neighbors, too. We're friendly and like meeting new people, we are always making new friends. But there is appeal to living somewhere where we know certain family and friends will be there for the longterm. In DC it is hard to shake the feeling sometimes that we are always being left behind, because we are one of the seemingly few families who have stayed put for so long.