Star-crossed lovers

[Anonymous]

I have someone in my life who I dreamed of being with, and is the closest person to being my soulmate, but we were never able to be in the same place, same time. He was a crappy boyfriend when we were together but is a great long distance friend. I don’t think the feeling of love will ever fully go away, and while it is platonic, it is something I would never admit to anyone. I don’t even say such things to him, but we both know it deep down. I fully expect him to get married and have a family one day.

I am too old to think like this, so it all is buried deep inside of me.

[Anonymous]

His fabulousness is all in your imagination. He showed you his true self when he was your crappy boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

You are not star-crossed lovers. Other factors are not preventing you to be together. It is who you both are as people that you cannot be with each other. It is not love, it is dependency. Learn to love yourself.

[Anonymous]

He’d be with you if he wanted to.

[Anonymous]

He’s not leaving his wife for you.

[Anonymous]

You’re projecting onto him and/or the relationship.

I know because I have had the same thing with two guy friends but at 47, I’ve figured it out finally…

[Anonymous]

Tough lesson I'm currently learning: The love I have for people I know aren't mine/for me is love I need to redirect to myself. The things I love about these other people are things I need to cultivate in myself, or acknowledge and love in myself.

The kindest thing you can do for your "star-crossed lover" is let them go and love yourself better. Relationships you know will never go anywhere or be anything are a hemorrhagic waste of energy and mental resources. Respect yourself enough to stop wasting your time on a fantasy you know will never materialize in reality and move on, not to someone else but to a better, higher-integrity version of yourself.

[Anonymous]

You don't sound compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have someone in my life who I dreamed of being with, and is the closest person to being my soulmate, but we were never able to be in the same place, same time. He was a crappy boyfriend when we were together but is a great long distance friend. I don’t think the feeling of love will ever fully go away, and while it is platonic, it is something I would never admit to anyone. I don’t even say such things to him, but we both know it deep down. I fully expect him to get married and have a family one day.

I am too old to think like this, so it all is buried deep inside of me.

Yikes. You sound obsessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tough lesson I'm currently learning: The love I have for people I know aren't mine/for me is love I need to redirect to myself. The things I love about these other people are things I need to cultivate in myself, or acknowledge and love in myself.

The kindest thing you can do for your "star-crossed lover" is let them go and love yourself better. Relationships you know will never go anywhere or be anything are a hemorrhagic waste of energy and mental resources. Respect yourself enough to stop wasting your time on a fantasy you know will never materialize in reality and move on, not to someone else but to a better, higher-integrity version of yourself.

This 100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’d be with you if he wanted to.

This. If he wanted to, he would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His fabulousness is all in your imagination. He showed you his true self when he was your crappy boyfriend.

This, to me, is the correct answer. I do believe that it is possible, and not even necessarily bad, to have strong feelings and residual love for someone you can’t be with for whatever reason. But if things weren’t good when you were together and you are feeling this way, you’re misperceiving something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His fabulousness is all in your imagination. He showed you his true self when he was your crappy boyfriend.

Yup. You’re romanticizing him.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. It's not happening. Nor are the feelings mutual.
Move on.

[Anonymous]

You sound like my early teen who is all “Team Conrad” watching The Summer I Turned Pretty when Conrad is clearly a terrible boyfriend. I hope that my daughter doesn’t sound like this once she is over the age of 20. Your viewpoint is really immature. You ned to move on and date real people with real possibilities and screen them for red flags. A therapist might help you on this journey: