Is this weird/ perspective needed

[Anonymous]

There is a mom, with 5 kids 10 to 16, who often organizes group activities for her older kids and several teens in their large friend group. My teens have participated in some of these activities and I have helped with transportation for their friends. This mom typically stays, while I and other parents drop off (at her insistance.) They go to movies, out to eat, the mall, etc. Anyway, I overheard one of the friends refer to her "mom" and then they were huddled together talking. I asked my dcs about this and quite a few of these kids call her "mom." My kids do not do that. Is this weird that she is acting as "mom" to these kids, who all have actual involved mothers? What does dcum think of this?

[Anonymous]

Normal

[Anonymous]

I would not want my children calling another woman "Mom", except, perhaps, a loving step mother or mother-in-law when they are married. If the kids in wuestion have poor familial relationships, it would benefit these teens more to be allowed to address her by her first name. Allowing these kids to see her as a mother figure could open up issues because the kids are vulnerable. Encouraging them to address her as "Larla" shows the respect, which they would benefit more from than using false titles.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they’re just using it as a cutesy term of endearment. I wouldn’t give it much thought.

[Anonymous]

My DD refers to her friends' parents by their first names.

Dd: "Brad and Katie just got a new car and Larla will get to drive it to school"
Me: "You mean Mr. and Mrs. Miller just got a new car "
Dd: "yea"

It's just what teens do. It's a trend. It's a phase. It's the shock value. It's their stretch for autonomy. A mix of sarcasm, humor, endearment, .

[Anonymous]

Wouldn't think anything of it. Growing up, had a friend who called out other friend's mom, mom. And that friend had a good home life. But our friend's mom was basically a second mom to her and it was used as a term of endearment.

When DS was little, he and his best friend did so much together that his friend called me "Mom 2" and DS called his mom "Mom 2".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Normal

It is normal for teens to call a person who is not their mother mom?

I don't think so. I am close to some of my kids' friends or have been over the years. My kids have been close to other adults. (Which is wonderful.) No one is calling me mom and my kids only call me mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn't think anything of it. Growing up, had a friend who called out other friend's mom, mom. And that friend had a good home life. But our friend's mom was basically a second mom to her and it was used as a term of endearment.

When DS was little, he and his best friend did so much together that his friend called me "Mom 2" and DS called his mom "Mom 2".

Mom 2 is not the same as Mom. "Mom" seems disrespectful to the real mother. If a child referred to me as "Mom", I'd encourage them to address me by my first name, especially if they are teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like they’re just using it as a cutesy term of endearment. I wouldn’t give it much thought.

I don't think it's cute and I would take a closer look at why this person is collecting children, especially when she has so many of her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal

It is normal for teens to call a person who is not their mother mom?

I don't think so. I am close to some of my kids' friends or have been over the years. My kids have been close to other adults. (Which is wonderful.) No one is calling me mom and my kids only call me mom.

NP. I wouldn’t guess that it’s common, but it’s “normal” insofar as it’s not the sort of thing you need to sit around worrying about.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give it much thought. I imagine it could be potentially hard for a 16 year old whose mother is always present, even if it's for a known reason like the kid has a medical issue, an anxious parent, or just that the 10 year old is in the same mall so mom needs to be present for her.

Her friends are doing her a kindness, by being kind to the mom, making it seem natural, and a doing something silly like calling her mom might be part of it. They know who their real moms are.

I don't think it's common, but it's not weird, and there's no reason to think it reflects on their own moms in any way.

[Anonymous]

Encouraging non related kids to call her mom could be a sign of narcissism. This woman may have a desire for attention and control. Her insisting the other parents leave while she stays and interacts could be seen as proof of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal

It is normal for teens to call a person who is not their mother mom?

I don't think so. I am close to some of my kids' friends or have been over the years. My kids have been close to other adults. (Which is wonderful.) No one is calling me mom and my kids only call me mom.

NP. I wouldn’t guess that it’s common, but it’s “normal” insofar as it’s not the sort of thing you need to sit around worrying about.

I would never encourage this or allow it because it's kind of weird and disrespectful to the actual mom. Just not like I'm not calling anyone else's husband honey. So no I'm not worrying about it but I do think it's kind of weird to allow it.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal. I’ve known lots of people who have referred to their friend’s moms, as mom. It’s more like Mom; like a name to call Mrs. Smith when it feels to stuffy to call her Mrs. Smith but it’s not appropriate to call her Jane.

But your intuition and spidey senses are sounding alarm bells, so there’s something amiss. You’re thinking it’s “mom” but it’s likely something else. I think it’s worth exploring.

[Anonymous]

My teen daughter's friends call me Mom when they're at my house. It's half-loving, half-joking. I think it's very sweet, and I have no doubt that they know and love their real mothers, and that this is just a little nickname for me that they think is funny.

So no worries, OP.