thank-you note on behalf of adult child

[Anonymous]

Our 25yo offspring, D, recently spent a month at the home of their significant other's parents so they could study for an exam together. By all accounts, the family was extremely kind, gracious, and accommodating, even helping out when D had a medical scare. D, of course, thanked them profusely, left them with small gifts, and sent a beautiful note to the family after flying home to us.

My question is this: Would it be inappropriate for us, D's parents, to also send a note to the family? D and their SO are about to move in together, as they are serious. We haven't met the parents, but it seems like there's a decent chance they'll be our in-laws one day. We asked D what they thought and they said they'd check with their SO, but we haven't heard back.

Our instincts are to reach out to the family to acknowledge their kindness, but of course D is a full-grown adult and we don't want to step on any toes. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

With a 25 year old daughter who has already thanked them profusely, I don't think I would send a note. At this point, she's fully operating as an adult, not your child. However, if the medical scare was significant and their help was significant, I might thank them specifically for that.

[Anonymous]

You can with a text. Anything else is extra.

[Anonymous]

Ask DD if she considers it appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Don't. It will infantilize your ADULT child. She has a relationship with them. You don't.

[Anonymous]

are we over thinking kindness now? It might upset your daughter, but you can ask. Is there harm in saying thank you? It doesn't have to be over the top. I think sending a text is stranger to be honest.

[Anonymous]

It would be low class not to.

[Anonymous]

When they move in together ask the couple if it might be ok to get to know the other parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 25yo offspring, D, recently spent a month at the home of their significant other's parents so they could study for an exam together. By all accounts, the family was extremely kind, gracious, and accommodating, even helping out when D had a medical scare. D, of course, thanked them profusely, left them with small gifts, and sent a beautiful note to the family after flying home to us.

My question is this: Would it be inappropriate for us, D's parents, to also send a note to the family? D and their SO are about to move in together, as they are serious. We haven't met the parents, but it seems like there's a decent chance they'll be our in-laws one day. We asked D what they thought and they said they'd check with their SO, but we haven't heard back.

Our instincts are to reach out to the family to acknowledge their kindness, but of course D is a full-grown adult and we don't want to step on any toes. Thoughts?

thank you card, for that portion seems appropriate

[Anonymous]

A text acknowledging would be nice.

[Anonymous]

Flowers or buy them dinner if local.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask DD if she considers it appropriate.

Maybe you should read the OP before responding.

[Anonymous]

I would.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has already thanked them. She's an adult and was the guest in their home - not you.

No further action is needed nor expected from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't. It will infantilize your ADULT child. She has a relationship with them. You don't.

Agree

It's not about kindness, it's about making things weird. Pull back and let her handle it (which she did).