How would you frame this FMLA request?

[Anonymous]

I have an Autistic teen home for the summer who is having increased anxiety and is very needy (but otherwise pretty independent), and has frequent appointments - therapy, specialists, etc. DH just had to have emergency eye surgery and has to lie flat for 3 days and then won’t be able to see for 4-6 weeks out of one eye. He does most of the driving, and while he will be able to drive (hopefully) I want it to be limited.

I have a crushingly stressful job but work remotely. But I can’t handle all of this caretaking while also managing my work and constant urgent calls etc. so I’m going to request FMLA to use leave as needed.

The question is whose serious health condition is this attributable to? Do I have my kids therapist attest to all of this? My inability to work is not entirely attributable to either my husbands condition or my kids. It’s both.

I do also have an anxiety disorder (which I’m sure contributes) but I’ve never needed an accommodation for it and I work directly with the person who processes FMLA requests. I don’t want to disclose this to her.

[Anonymous]

Hire a sitter

[Anonymous]

I’d pick the husband’s condition, since psychological issues sometimes aren’t as well-understood as physical ones.

[Anonymous]

I’d do your teen’s. Your husbands condition is really only a three day problem and maybe a couple of appointments. The reason you
Need off is to manage the health condition of your teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d do your teen’s. Your husbands condition is really only a three day problem and maybe a couple of appointments. The reason you
Need off is to manage the health condition of your teen.

+1 You want to ask for intermittent FMLA. And depending on your teens needs, just complete the paperwork every year.

[Anonymous]

I would stick with your DH's condition. People are often more understanding about physical issues and it doesn't invite questions about how well you manage your teen and your work the rest of the time or critiques of your parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire a sitter

Oh you’re one of *those* DCUM people? I didn’t ask for advice other than how to frame my FMLA request. You also clearly have no idea what care for a 17 year old Autistic person involves. Do you just lurk on this board on a beautiful sunny Saturday waiting for a post where you can provide your unwanted advice and make someone in a bad situation feel even worse? I’d really like to understand posters like you and what your life must be like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d do your teen’s. Your husbands condition is really only a three day problem and maybe a couple of appointments. The reason you
Need off is to manage the health condition of your teen.

+1 You want to ask for intermittent FMLA. And depending on your teens needs, just complete the paperwork every year.

Thanks. Yes, I have requested it before when my teen needed an outpatient treatment. I haven’t felt the need for it since because my workplace is very supportive and my husband could pick up a lot of the slack. Both of those things have changed.

[Anonymous]

Just say to the HR lady that your teen has a serious health condition and you will need intermittent FMLA. You don't need to say what the condition is to get the forms for the therapist to fill out. The therapist doesn't need to bring the fact that the husband can't drive into it. They don't even have to give a diagnosis. Teen needs to be driven and whatever other care the therapist describes for whatever time period, which can be indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

I would say your son, because he's the one you need to provide care to. There's no reason to disclose your son's condition.

[Anonymous]

An Uber or a sitter or both.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. It sounds like you have a ton of stressful things on your plate. I hope you can carve out some time for your own self care. Good luck! This too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

teen mental health

[Anonymous]

I had to reread several times but it sounds like the health condition that you need time off for is yours, no? Your anxiety?

Because but for your anxiety, your DH can start driving again after 3 days. And you said he is typically the one who drives, so I took that to mean he is typically the one taking your teen to appointments.

So other than the 3 days of your husband needing to lie down, the continued need for flexibility is just related to your anxiety? is that right?

If not, and you're saying there is a medical reason that your DH should not be doing alot of driving after 3 days, then the FMLA is because of your DH's medical condition because he would typically handle childcare and now cannot.

[Anonymous]

Wow that’s a lot going on, sorry. How do you handle all the teen appointments during the school year?