14 year old boy no friends

[Anonymous]

My son doesn’t seem to have any friends. I can’t tell if he is bothered by this. He is in organized activities and interacts with kids there, but never outside those activities. He is very quiet and shy.

How can I help him? (When he as younger we did social skills groups and therapy.)

I’m particularly sad today as I dropped him off for an activity and the kids were car pooling and all sitting in groups taking and my son was by himself.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance he has Anxiety ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son doesn’t seem to have any friends. I can’t tell if he is bothered by this. He is in organized activities and interacts with kids there, but never outside those activities. He is very quiet and shy.

How can I help him? (When he as younger we did social skills groups and therapy.)

I’m particularly sad today as I dropped him off for an activity and the kids were car pooling and all sitting in groups taking and my son was by himself.

How much time does he spend on social media ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any chance he has Anxiety ?

Could be. But we met with various therapists over the years for ADHD and this was never brought up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son doesn’t seem to have any friends. I can’t tell if he is bothered by this. He is in organized activities and interacts with kids there, but never outside those activities. He is very quiet and shy.

How can I help him? (When he as younger we did social skills groups and therapy.)

I’m particularly sad today as I dropped him off for an activity and the kids were car pooling and all sitting in groups taking and my son was by himself.

How much time does he spend on social media ?

After being bullied a few years ago on snap chat I have not allowed social media. I check his phone frequently and I don’t see social media or much texting happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son doesn’t seem to have any friends. I can’t tell if he is bothered by this. He is in organized activities and interacts with kids there, but never outside those activities. He is very quiet and shy.

How can I help him? (When he as younger we did social skills groups and therapy.)

I’m particularly sad today as I dropped him off for an activity and the kids were car pooling and all sitting in groups taking and my son was by himself.

I think the important place to start is to try to figure out if he's bothered. If he's fine, don't go accidentally making him feel like there's something wrong with him by being more of an introvert.

[Anonymous]

Is he more introverted? He might be okay and he might have friends. They might not hang out outside of school and you might not see it. You can’t make him friends at this age.

I dropped my daughter off at the HS orientation today and we carpooled by her request. She is an extrovert and always surrounds herself with lots of kids. She has come home talking about all the new “friends” she already made.

My older kid, now a senior, was more like your son. We never carpooled and these things were stressful for him. They drained him and he called to kids but needed his downtime. He goes out more now that he drives and has 1 really good close friend rather than 30+ acquaintances, like his little sister. But he has gotten much more comfortable and better with social skills when he’s gotten older and that happened through a PT job.

[Anonymous]

That should say, he talked to kids there but needed his downtime when he got home.

[Anonymous]

Does he play games online? He might have a lot of friends that way.

[Anonymous]

First, I'm sorry to hear that. These things are often more painful for the parent than the child because we think how we would react if we were in his shoes. That said, 14 is still very young. He sounds like an introvert and perhaps he just hasn't found "his people" yet. I would strongly caution against intervening -- unless he seems to be reaching out for it. Mom "stepping in" will just make him feel odd, and babyish. I'd give it some time. And best of luck to you and your son.

[Anonymous]

My son eats alone every day at school. I blame myself for this.

[Anonymous]

Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi op. Could you maybe ask around and get some other moms with same age boys to maybe bring them over for a playdate with your son?

Mommy of preschoolers has entered the chat! Teens don’t have play dates! OP’s son is 14, not 4! He sure won’t be making friends if his mommy is engineering his social life.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I won't intervene! I know better than that. Part-time job would be great, but at 14 that has been hard to achieve. He dog walks for many of the neighbors but that is solitary.

I do offer to car pool a lot because I feel like it gives him one on one time with other kids, someone to walk into the building with. But I see the kids I know already have their groups.

I just wasn't sure if there was anything I could do that wouldn't be obvious. I hope he find his people in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son eats alone every day at school. I blame myself for this.

I blame the school. They should be more vigilant in the cafeteria and have some other option rather than sitting alone everyday.

Our school has a space you can go to during lunch where kids can hang out.