Toddler SCREAMS when put in crib. Regression or illness?

[Anonymous]

Hi! My 20 month baby has been a mediocre sleeper at best, but now bedtime is unbearable. After we go through our bedtime routine and I pick him up to go in the crib, he starts kicking. When I lie him down, he stands up immediately and screams bloody murder. I come back in every 5/7/10 minutes, and the only thing that seems to work is nursing him to sleep. But, when I try that at the beginning of bedtime, he wakes up screaming the minute I start to lie him down. He also wakes up after 2-3 hours.

Two doctors have checked his ears and say no infection, but he’s acting like he does when he has one. This bedtime behavior persists even if I give him Tylenol or Motrin beforehand.

Has anyone experienced this before? It’s been a week and the hour-long bedtime saga and constant night wakings are driving me out of my mind. But mostly I feel bad for the little guy!

[Anonymous]

I think he is using his newly discovered power to control you. It’s tough but I think he wants to be with you. You are comfort and make him feel happy and safe. But that doesn’t mean he “needs” you. He is very close to the terrible twos and that name exists for a reason. If you give in to his demands, he feels empowered. So I think it’s time to start drawing lines across the board. I imagine the only time you are completely insisting he do something is at bed time because you are tired and feel like it’s time for Mom to get a break. He disagrees. So I would suggest not letting him get his way at other times. If he screams for a toy, he doesn’t get it. If he screams to get up at nap time, he stays until he stops screaming (or for 30 minutes or whatever nap time is). If he throws his fork, you take it away. He has discovered he can control you. Now you have choices to make. It is hard. He will cry. You will feel bad. But it is why parenting is hard.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. And yes, most parents have experienced a variation of this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, PP! I have a kindergartener who never did this, so it’s good to hear it’s normal. Any tips for the middle of the night wakeups?

[Anonymous]

It’s learned behavior at this point.
You need to change your reaction to his behavior if you want it to change. Stop nursing him to sleep. Go through the bedtime routine, say goodnight put him in his crib and walk away. Don’t keep going back in.
Assuming he’s on one nap a day at the normal time and goes to bed at a normal time he should start settling down by himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks, PP! I have a kindergartener who never did this, so it’s good to hear it’s normal. Any tips for the middle of the night wakeups?

Ref night wake ups. Go in, change diaper if needed. Put back in crib. Don’t start a conversation. Don’t snuggle…… walk out.

[Anonymous]

I got rid of crib and used a large daybed instead, with 3 high sides and put full length gate on 4th side. I’d lie down with child and teach them to lay still and do breathing techniques- then quietly leave when asleep. Taught them how to fall asleep in their own in stages.

[Anonymous]

Appreciate it. My concern is/was that this is exactly how he acts when he has ear pain. Although he’s never been a great sleeper, he would go down easily up until last week. Maybe I’ll do one more ear check before aggressively sleep training.

[Anonymous]

Maybe separation anxiety.

Do not nurse him to sleep. He has teeth now and it's bad to leave milk (even breastmilk) on his teeth for bed. Breaking the sleep_nurse association was really important for us, I moved my son's bedtime nurse up in the routine pretty early. The sleep/nurse association wi also make it much harder to wean.

This will sound harsh but, stop the visits. He's old enough, you've had him checked out, and you've worked into a pattern that isn't good for him. You need to interrupt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate it. My concern is/was that this is exactly how he acts when he has ear pain. Although he’s never been a great sleeper, he would go down easily up until last week. Maybe I’ll do one more ear check before aggressively sleep training.

If two doctors have checked his ears already, that's unlikely to be it. Especially if he's only doing this at bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Yup. Regression. I only had one kid do this. We did a week+ of sleep re training and it was daddy only, no milk, no mom, no busing. It was clear that it wasn't fun. By 2.5 my kids could both climb out so we switched to a toddler bed and then had to re train again with a week of a million silent walk backs for the kids.
They are great sleepers now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi! My 20 month baby has been a mediocre sleeper at best, but now bedtime is unbearable. After we go through our bedtime routine and I pick him up to go in the crib, he starts kicking. When I lie him down, he stands up immediately and screams bloody murder. I come back in every 5/7/10 minutes, and the only thing that seems to work is nursing him to sleep. But, when I try that at the beginning of bedtime, he wakes up screaming the minute I start to lie him down. He also wakes up after 2-3 hours.

Two doctors have checked his ears and say no infection, but he’s acting like he does when he has one. This bedtime behavior persists even if I give him Tylenol or Motrin beforehand.

Has anyone experienced this before? It’s been a week and the hour-long bedtime saga and constant night wakings are driving me out of my mind. But mostly I feel bad for the little guy!

Molars?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate it. My concern is/was that this is exactly how he acts when he has ear pain. Although he’s never been a great sleeper, he would go down easily up until last week. Maybe I’ll do one more ear check before aggressively sleep training.

Could it be his molars coming in? He’s the right age.

[Anonymous]

I have a child like this - terrible sleeper and about the same age she refused the crib after sleeping well for 3 months prior (only time she ever slept through the night). The only way to get her to sleep was co-sleeping during that period and then retraining her (which never really worked except those 3 months). We’ve done a variety of things since but I wish I had hired a sleep consultant to help me navigate that period

[Anonymous]

One of mine did this because of undiagnosed asthma. Night times were horrible. He had great difficulty sleeping flat, and would wake up uncomfortable and screaming.