Would you switch schools?

[Anonymous]

My 8 year old (entering 3rd) has ADHD and is a bit socially immature. She’s had some trouble making friends at her school in the past, but in the past 6 months or so has met two girls in other settings that she hit it off with - one has become a good friend.

In first grade DD was badly bullied (physically and emotionally). For 2nd grade she was moved to a 2nd-3rd split. She liked the break from some of her classmates and the different dynamic, but it sounds like things were still hard socially. Her formerly closest friend has joined the clique and turned on DD. She tells me when there’s a discussion like “oh my gosh! I’m so excited for summer!” And she says “me too!”’they will tell her “you’re not a part of this conversation”. It’s hard to know if that’s how it’s actually happening because at home she definitely butts in to conversations at the wrong times (we try to work with her on this).

She has discussed changing schools. I don’t know if it’s possible. There are 5 elementary schools in our town (not DMV). We moved when older DD was in elementary and didn’t want to switch schools, so there’s actually a school that’s closer to where we live.

The perks: she’d like a chance to meet new friends and it’s closer to our home

The drawback: the one near our home has half the kids in Spanish immersion so there are only two other classes per grade. The current school has 3.5 classes per grade (three full classes and a split), so there’s more room for chances to social dynamics. I also don’t know if it would be better, given her social immaturity (though the new friends seem to indicate it might be). Finally, she’s a bit nervous about being a new kid.

She waffles about what she wants. I don’t know if it’s even possible to change, so I’m trying to decide whether to invest the energy looking into it.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Did you ever discuss the social issues with her teacher or the school counselor, and did they have any insight? What was their take on the situation?

It would be unusual for 1st graders to show true bullying behavior, IME.

TBH at this age, I’m not sure that switching schools would really change anything. Usually at this age, the social dynamics change pretty quickly (and tend to reset a great deal over the summer) at your typical public elementary school. They are still very young.

Then again, I’m sure it is possible there is just a really difficult dynamic at this school/grade level. Sometimes it really just takes a couple of very dominant personalities who, banding together, can cause a lot of problems…especially girls. It just seems a bit young for that to be going on, IMHO, in 1st and 2nd grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever discuss the social issues with her teacher or the school counselor, and did they have any insight? What was their take on the situation?

It would be unusual for 1st graders to show true bullying behavior, IME.

TBH at this age, I’m not sure that switching schools would really change anything. Usually at this age, the social dynamics change pretty quickly (and tend to reset a great deal over the summer) at your typical public elementary school. They are still very young.

Then again, I’m sure it is possible there is just a really difficult dynamic at this school/grade level. Sometimes it really just takes a couple of very dominant personalities who, banding together, can cause a lot of problems…especially girls. It just seems a bit young for that to be going on, IMHO, in 1st and 2nd grade.

Totally believe it can happen in 1st and 2nd grade. My DD’s first grade was a cluster due to some really dominant bullying girls that lied, stole, bullied, manipulated. It was crazy girls were sent crying to the office multiple days a week. Ended up with all of the class parents writing letters. A teacher was ousted over it.

[Anonymous]

And to whether to change school, I would try to tour the new school. If your child wants to switch I would be open to it. Sometimes they need a new change of scene.

[Anonymous]

I would talk with the ES counselor - ours does lunch-bunch programs to work directly with kids having social challenges.

And yes, bullying does happen in first grade. A girl told our dd that she couldn't play with Larlo because she "liked him" (Larlo was dd's best friend and lives next door to us). Dd was confused, and we talked with dd and the school counselor, who ended up having a conversation with the whole class about friendships

[Anonymous]

In my experiences, changing schools will not typically address the social struggles that she has. As others have suggested, perhaps talking with the school counselor would be a good way to find some techniques she could use.

You mentioned she had some kids she hit it off with recently. Do they go to her current school or the new school you are looking at? That could play a part in your decision making process, but also why she may be seeking to move. Just be careful not to school hop.