Talking with your DD 7th grader

[Anonymous]

Does it come naturally to you to give your DD the emotional support of words that they need in their teens?

My DD complains alot and also goes through a lot with her various activities. Coach calling her out, routine is too difficult, etc...

I get it, as an adult working I have to deal with other women who act crazy, hard work deadlines, etc...

What works best with your DD?

Mine is incoming 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it’s supportive and sometimes it’s real talk. I’m not here for the babying. Kids need to develop thicker skin and be able to deal with criticism and conflict.

[Anonymous]

If I'm annoyed by constant complaining I try different things to address it.

1. "You're complaining a lot lately. Clearly you have a lot on your mind, so let's have a complaint quarter - from 8:45 to 9pm you can unload ALL your complaints in the world to me. Lay it all out." Then ask if she wants advice, or just for you to listen and then do that.

2. "You're complaining way too much. From now on for every complaint you have to say something positive."

[Anonymous]

I just basically listen. Once she gets it out of her system, she feels calmer and more like she can handle things.

[Anonymous]

Well I guess I coddle my kids but I listen sympathetically, acknowledge the difficulty of the situation, offer to brainstorm solutions.
And perhaps offer chocolate

[Anonymous]

I listen and try not to comment too much, but some weeks my now rising 9th grader complained all. the. time.
I told her straight up that it was exhausting and I needed her to at least try to find something positive to say. She understood, and tried her best, it didn't always work, but I think it's really important that she understands that focusing on the good can change her mindset.

[Anonymous]

Depending on how emotional she is, I'm usually just listening and I'll ask "do you want to just vent or do you want to problem solve".

If it feels like my daughter is in the wrong, I will try to say "what is your role in this?" or "If this person was complaining about you, what would their side of the story be". She hates it, but she's gotten used to the question and it is a good way to learn to look at a situation from various angles.

[Anonymous]

I ask her “want me to just offer a hug, offer ideas for how you can solve the problem, or get involved?” She only once ever has asked me to get involved and it had gotten pretty out of hand by then (a verbally abusive coach) and by then enough other parents had raised concerns that changes were already underway. Typically she just wants a hug. But she actually didn’t complain much. Often she’ll want to show me something funny she saw or snuggle and watch a show.