If you fell out of love with your husband, what did that look like?

[Anonymous]

- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

[Anonymous]

Him not being an involved parent or property owner.
Him hiding at work or in phone or tv all the time.
Him never conversating, greeting, or asking how anyone is doing.
Him yelling and being angry when he was asked to do something or he forgot to do something.

Trust broke, couldn’t rely on him, he continues to be checked out. He was told all of this and did not care. Then he got more angry, threatened divorce to shut down conversations, pretends to be a victim.
When asked what he’s a victim of he changes the subject and launches more bizarre personal attacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

It looked like verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse.

I detached emotionally and every which way to protect myself and he kids.

Then he complained about being ignored and how we simply “fell out of love.”

No shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

You need to find out the underlying reason(s) why you are feeling the above. There are likely very valid.
Work with an individual therapist to figure it out and a way forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

I think you have to be ready to leave because you need to tell him all of the above.

You likely have. Maybe he will make amends and improve. Or maybe he’ll hit the Easy Button out again.

[Anonymous]

DH take-

Resentment is never one sided, I am guessing both of you feel unheard and under appreciated. The migration of his focus to work and extended family may be because that is where he feels respected and appreciated.

I’m not saying he is right in his treatment of you, but fixing your relationship will require both of you to be empathetic and listen to the other partner’s perspective, forgive and make changes or you are destined to breakup the family. If either of you is not willing to be personally accountable for your part in the degradation of the relationship, then the best you can hope for is the status quo.

I hope you can work on it for your kids because it doesn’t sound like a peaceful existence for anyone involved right now.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

Yep divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

Do you have a job?

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Do they see the negative dynamic? I was in similar situation. Feel much more relieved that I am out but now I am dealing with post separation abuse. Kids are teens though so they can voice what they want. I second therapy for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

We found our way back from this. DH is the one who asked for counseling and picked our therapist, so he was internally motivated to change. His issue was loss of intimacy; mine was more like your list. We are in a good place right now, and we will continue going to counseling for the foreseeable future because it is working.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like it OP.

Realizing you have more peace when he's not around then when he's around.

You don't miss him when he leaves.

You're always angry with him.

You can't trust him or rely on him for anything.

He makes things harder and more complicated for you then helping you.

You don't want to even fight anymore because you don't care or are checked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:- goes on work trips and do not miss at all
- overall resentment towards him in general, no romantic or warm and fuzzy feelings
- do not want to be touched by him
- do not feel at all loved by him


This is years after him making decisions that showed he prioritized the family the lowest compared to his extended family and his job. Is this it, time to leave? we have kids

Do you have a job?

I left my job because he travels (flying out) 100 days a year and we don’t have family in an emergency. I traveled for my job pre kids 10-15 days a year that were required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Do they see the negative dynamic? I was in similar situation. Feel much more relieved that I am out but now I am dealing with post separation abuse. Kids are teens though so they can voice what they want. I second therapy for yourself.

7 and 9
I want to get a home based job at the min to have some more control over the situation. As I said it’s impossible to work in any kind of office. My job was $100k a year marketing job I left 9 years ago when my son was born.

[Anonymous]

Praying he'd have to work late and not come home

Physically recoiling at his touch

Panic when we were alone and expected to converse or hang out (dates etc)