Daycare insisting on pull-ups

[Anonymous]

We have been training DS at home for about a month and it has been going okay, we have some success and he is not initiating but is mostly successful when taken to the toilet readily. However in a group setting they are not taking him as much and is having more accidents. They have said he needs to come to daycare in pull ups as he is upset at having to be changed so regularly. I send spare clothes but don't have vacation to take him out of daycare for 2 weeks. What do we do?

DS turns 3 in August so I want him trained soon

[Anonymous]

You can’t send a kid to daycare in underwear until they are initiating consistently.

Send him in pull ups and work on initiation at home.

[Anonymous]

Your son is not toilet trained. He needs to be in diapers/pullups until he can be accident free. Our daycare required accident free for a week before underwear. It’s not fair to the teachers and other kids in his class that he keeps soiling himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been training DS at home for about a month and it has been going okay, we have some success and he is not initiating but is mostly successful when taken to the toilet readily. However in a group setting they are not taking him as much and is having more accidents. They have said he needs to come to daycare in pull ups as he is upset at having to be changed so regularly. I send spare clothes but don't have vacation to take him out of daycare for 2 weeks. What do we do?

DS turns 3 in August so I want him trained soon

That is reasonable if he's still having accidents. Take him to the bathroom every hour, upon wake up and before bed. You don't need to take him out two weeks. Just be very consistent. Don't wait for him to ask, just take him.

[Anonymous]

Send him in pull ups or keep him home until he meets their criteria. I mean what are your options. And keep working on it at home. Some kids aren’t trained at 3. It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Pullups

[Anonymous]

Tbh I don’t get why you think it’s better for him to have accidents in his clothes all day. I don’t think that will help with potty training.

[Anonymous]

If he’s having multiple accidents (!!) per day (!!) he’s not remotely potty trained. Potty training doesn’t take this long. You need to actually potty train him and it doesn’t take two weeks either, though you will need to take 1-2 days off or hire a sitter so he can stay home until he understands.

BTW, what you’re doing is cruel. Have some human dignity and train him for heaven’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Daycares have to follow pretty strict rules on cleanliness. They’re not asking for pull-ups out of laziness, they’re asking so they don’t lose their license to operate.

Send the pull ups. Your kid is still so young.

[Anonymous]

Preschool director here: Children usually don't initiate "I have to go potty! I have to pee!" until after they are mostly potty trained, which means they aren't having accidents constantly all day long.

Yes, we can't have a child having a BM and getting it all over the floor, rug, chair, etc as it falls out, etc. BUT the teachers should be taking him to the potty A LOT. He should go to the potty when all the others are getting their diapers changed. And THEN in addition he needs to be taken before they go outside (as in, he's already used the potty but right before everyone goes out, he must go again). Then when they come in from outside, he needs to be first to go to the potty. And before and after lunch, then before and after naptime (and if he wakes up early he should be taken when he wakes up) and so forth.

For now he will need to stay in diapers or pullupp at childcare but keep working on it at home: put him underpants at home, and on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he’s having multiple accidents (!!) per day (!!) he’s not remotely potty trained. Potty training doesn’t take this long. You need to actually potty train him and it doesn’t take two weeks either, though you will need to take 1-2 days off or hire a sitter so he can stay home until he understands.

BTW, what you’re doing is cruel. Have some human dignity and train him for heaven’s sake.

Just hear to validate the op. My kid has refused to poop on a diaper for past 6 months ( maybe happened 3x total) but still had urine accidents not infrequently. Sometimes I say this isn't worth it let's go back to diapers and it always leads her to having a full set back.... she's so far done past 2.5 days without an accident but that's rare so she gets rewards for staying dry all day

She's starting preschool next month and we'll send her in pull ups and reward her for keeping them dry. She treats a pull up like a diaper and will definitely pee on it so I'm not looking forward to it

[Anonymous]

My child is 6 and honestly potty training was one of the hardest times I recall in our parenting journey so far (maybe that makes us very lucky). It feels impossible and then even after they are mostly trained they still need constant reminders. Diapers are so convenient! But the process of learning to use the potty is so important.

Anyway unfortunately it sounds like the status quo is not working. Are there other kids at the daycare potty training at the same time? You need to do as they ask and send him in pullups but also ask them if they can take him to the potty more often.

Have you had him be naked at home while training? Being naked helps them understand the urgency of getting to the potty and staying home for 3 full days hopefully gets that feeling ingrained.

[Anonymous]

Your 2 year old is not even a little bit toilet trained and needs to wear pull-ups. I can’t even believe you think there’s any other option. If you want someone to hover over your kid all day physically taking him to the toilet so he doesn’t go in his underwear every day then you need to pay for a private nanny for that. Daycare isn’t going to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son is not toilet trained. He needs to be in diapers/pullups until he can be accident free. Our daycare required accident free for a week before underwear. It’s not fair to the teachers and other kids in his class that he keeps soiling himself.

100% this. Daycare is not going to take your child to the bathroom every 30 minutes. He's NOT ready to toilet train if you're the one taking him. He needs to be able to do it on his own or to hold it until they take him. You are being unreasonable. Get a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Preschool director here: Children usually don't initiate "I have to go potty! I have to pee!" until after they are mostly potty trained, which means they aren't having accidents constantly all day long.

Yes, we can't have a child having a BM and getting it all over the floor, rug, chair, etc as it falls out, etc. BUT the teachers should be taking him to the potty A LOT. He should go to the potty when all the others are getting their diapers changed. And THEN in addition he needs to be taken before they go outside (as in, he's already used the potty but right before everyone goes out, he must go again). Then when they come in from outside, he needs to be first to go to the potty. And before and after lunch, then before and after naptime (and if he wakes up early he should be taken when he wakes up) and so forth.

For now he will need to stay in diapers or pullupp at childcare but keep working on it at home: put him underpants at home, and on the weekends.

Our preschool didn't potty train until the kids were 2.5 or later. they had to be potty trained to get into the older 3s room (started at 3.5) or wearing pull-ups to get into the 3s room.

3 is the right age to potty train. We did it in two weeks.